I'm really glad I had a day off today. I mean, I really needed it. There are so many things that are on my mind right now I don't know where to start. Apart from that, I'm feeling quite...hungry? or maybe thirsty... I don't know.
Okay. Where shall I start?
Well today was a day off for mum as well and I was pretty excited to have this opportunity to take her out. So we ended up driving to the city and fortunately, we found a FREE parking sport at a back street so it was good. Even though it took a while to look for a parking spot but it was worth it after all. Well anyways, we just went around Darling Habour. There was a festival on, so it was crowded. We watched some of the performances which were pretty entertaining. It made mum happy so I'm glad. We walked around Harbourside and window shopped. We also went to Paddy's Market and Market City to have a look around after eating at Mamak. It was quite an enjoyable day. Mum was telling me about how she just realised the amount of time she's been working. It's been ten long years of hard work and rarely does she get a chance to have time like this. I felt quite sad but I guess work is work and she can't really do anything about it.
Another thing is, I was quite grumpy this morning. I don't know why. I feel like sometimes my attitude towards mum is really wrong. She's the person that I love the most, so shouldn't she be the one who should be treated the best towards? Why then, do act like "that" to make her upset. I should really watch what I say, but more so - the TONE in which I say those things. I really love her and I don't want to hurt her and I know for a fact that she deserves so much more than what I'm giving her now.
What's next. I'm feeling tired? Really really tired right now but I feel inclined to write on my blog and just let out everything that is on my mind.
This week will be my last week at Vardering. I hope I pass all my assessments. I know I will if I trust in Jesus. I just want to say thank you to him for all the blessings he has given me and I also want to give thanks in advance for all that he will do in the days to come. I know he is always with me and everything that are happening right now plays a crucial role in the story of my life. I mean, ultimately it is not about me, but it is about Him. How can I do things to bring Him more glory. What can I do to think less of myself and do more for others. I have to admit that I do tend to think about myself too much and that is the reason why I tend to be frustrated. I know concentrating on yourself will never solve any problem. I have to look to God and understand who I am living for and whether it is about me, or Him. Basically, it is all about Him. He will give me everything that I need to bring about the future he has planned. He will provide all that I need for me to fulfill my calling. I think I already possess those things, and if I don't have them, I should ask myself if it's a "need" or a "want", and be persistent in prayer.
I love God so much and I thank Him for loving me the way He does. I don't think I can ever comprehend the love that He has for mankind. It is incredible just to think of how sophisticated the brain is, and that HE HIMSELF is the creator of that. Not only THAT but all that brings this earth together: the air, the beautiful clouds, the sun, the stars, the billion galaxies, the little butterflies, the genetic calling for each animal, the trees, the flowers, and EVERYTHING ELSE - and how they are self-sufficient! I don't know. It's just way too incredible for my little mind and limited understanding. I want to make sure I have time for God everyday, particularly every morning. I believe it is crucial. And I believe that as soon as I stop thinking about myself and think about HIM, and what BELONGS to Him, and HOW I can best look after it, then things will start falling into place. For example - my body: I should not call it my body but HIS body. It belongs to him. I'm purely a spirit being put into this earthly body and I have the responsibility to look after it as best as I can. He made me this way and I should honour it and everything I do, I should treat it with utmost respect. I should only do what is good and beneficial for my body, not what is damaging. I should be eating things that truly give it the nourishment it needs, instead of indulging in temporary fake food that seems enticing but once it goes down your stomach, it is the worst feeling ever.
Talking about food, I've noticed a change to my body now. My body has gotten used to fruits and vegetables so much now. So much so that if I do eat unhealthy food/ processed food (eg, cakes, breads, cooked noodles ect) then my stomach really do react. I would get stomach pain and discomfort. It's really annoying. But sometimes I eat it anyway EVEN THOUGH I know what the outcome will be like. I just have to trust and listen to the little voice in my head more. If it says, no - don't, then I shouldn't. It's always right - that little voice is my instinct and it's never wrong.
Oh god, I'm so sleep and tired.
Hot Yoga. I really want to go tomorrow. It's so amazing and my body is really feeling it now even after two days. My stomach, arms and legs feel toned which is great. Also, my mind also becomes less stressed after the session. I really want to do it tomorrow after work. I hope I can make it though. It starts at 6:30 and that means I have to start walking at 6pm to make sure I get there on time. If not, I'd have to start the 7:30 session which is VERY late considering what time I will finish. 9pm. and then getting change and catching the bus, not to mention how hungry I'll feel afterwards because the previous meal was at 2pm and by the time I get home, it'd be 10pm and thats TOO late to eat, and I DO NOT want to eat at that time. I want to go in the morning, but I'm not sure if I'm a morning person, and I don't like getting outside of the house without make up so whats the point of getting ready with make up on, only to sweat like a pig and having to reapply the second time. It would be convenient and time productive but ... I don't know..
I shouldn't be saying this, but to be honest, I don't really like how I look. I can imagine God shaking His head right now, but I feel ..... I mean I don't feel that beautiful when I don't have make up. I wish I could carry it off without the necessity of make up. I wish I can flaunt it, bare it with nothing on. But I can't. I don't have the courage to do that. I don't feel pretty. But you know what, I feel the most comfortable when make up is off my face - BY MYSELF & NOT FACING THE MIRROR lol.
I'm really hungry. I want to write some more, but I'm really tired. really tired.
