So I've been really consistent with BR. More than any time before. But just got a little disappointed today when my cousin asked if I had gained weight because my face looked more chubby & round. I was a little offended because I had LOST weight. But then, I think I haven't seen her in so long so it's not wrong for her to say that. I must have gained weight since I saw her last and now I'm just loosing it back slowly, not as much as what I used to be yet. I'm just disappointed that it's taking so long. But I'm not giving up. I will not give up and I will be persistent. I hate how our family just eat and eat and eat all these fried food, meat and stuff. I don't eat meat anymore. I eat seafood but that's about it. I wouldn't call myself a vegetarian but I wouldn't mind if I became one. I would like to get that book again "Fit for Life". I think that would once again change my perspective on everything. I would be awesome.
So this is really the first post I've written for 2012. There's way too much to write honestly. What is there to write. Where shall I start - that's the question. Well this year I have a lot of goals for my life, but I've retuned them to be accordance with God's will. I've taken off a few things; namely, getting a lip piercing.. and something else I forgot.
But this year, I really want to get my fitness back. I also want to finish the hell of my interior designing but I'm not bothered and I seriously lost all the interest and momentum.
Talking about momentum, I can not believe how far I went with BR and then I just gave up and stopped and now I'm at the bottom of the mountain again. I remember how I could not even do ONE PROPER sit up and I had to always do it on my knees. Then slowly I could do it, and I could do like 10 or 15 push up on my toes. Now? I can't barely do one and I have to start from scratch again.
I hate how much physical appearance play its role in this society. I wish how it didn't have to have such an impact especially targeting girls.
You know what I hate? The fact that I let myself go tonight and just ate. I didn't a boundary for myself. Like Leighton said - This time around I should focus on setting myself boundaries. It doesn't just apply to boys, but also food as well.
Last night, I was watching the 700 Club on YouTube and it was amazing. From all the videos that I've watched, 2 stood out the most. One was "Random act of kindness" which encourages you to do random things for strangers everyday to bless them. And another one was some guy in the football team in the states. He talked about 'pride' and how it can not have a place in your life. How you need to keep the spirit of humility and pray CONSTANTLY for God to keep you firm & grounded. Those two things really stood out and spoke to me. So I just hope God will show me opportunities where I can be a helping hand. And also in terms of pride I've checked myself twice before I speak anything to anyway and make sure I don't brag about myself. I 'express' myself not 'impress' upon others. I don't want to be the center of attention. Although I do want to be the light but in my job, it's not about ME! It's about them! About the clients.
So yeah, I'm kind of sick of working. Don't know where this will take me and don't know if this is really apart of God's plan. I want to do hair Expo but I really want provision over it. I know I'm not as good as other people but if I have God, I will be better than everyone else before I have leverage and the creator of the universe is lending me his ways and his best ideas. Jesus please help me with Hair expo. I really want to do it!
I'm sick of working before it's so repetitive and I just want to build my portfolio and do session work fulltime. How do I do that???? How do I do that???
I'm feeling so sleepy. So tired and there are too many things to do tomorrow....
Well Gota go, TC
xx
