Another day

So last night I talked to 'you know who' after a long long time. He called me and I don't know if it's because he broke up with his girlfriend that he needs go have someone to keep him company or what. But yeah tonight I met up with Caroline and we had a deep talk a about relationship and so on and we come to a conclusion that I do have a little bit of feelings for him. But I cant let my emotions take over me because deep down inside I still want someone who is a follower of Christ and I know I deserve better. Not that he's not a good person but I know I could do better if I just wait. Caroline told me just to be open minded and go with the flow which I am doing now. But for me, no expectation, no disappointment! So yeah it's been 3 years since I've been with someone and that's a long time when you think about it. A lot of people keep asking me why Im so fussy and why I'm not dating but I just havent found the guy and besides my standards are high. I dont care what people say but it annoys me when it botheres them that I dont have anyone. Like seriously who cares?!
Anyways Jesus have a plan for my life and he wants the best for me.

I want a tattoo and I want to have long hair. I was really tempted to cut it but after thinking about it I don't want to anymore because I know I will regret doing it.

I also really want to pray for mum to have a man of God in her life, I really pray that Jesus will send a godly man into her life to become her soul mate and become my father. She deserves it so much and I really do believe she will one day know Jesus the way I know him. I really do see her living a life of peace and joy with the man that takes care of her and love her. Jesus I really hope you consider my prayer. I know you have great plans for us and I don't know what your plans are but Jesus I honestly really hope that you would send an amazing husband-figure male into her life that would show her who God really is and look after her for that rest of her life. I know it's a lot to ask but I know all things are possible with you!

Lord Jesus. Each any every day help me to live for you more and more. Let your glory shine through all that I do. Let love pour out through me. Please help me to do all that I can to bring your name glory. I feel so much peace when I read your words and your stories about healing the sick and loving people. I have such a peace within me. I love you God and ultimately I want to do it all for you. You know I want to also step up and start my own connect group but I dont really know how, please show me Jesus. Where do I begin and who do I invite. It just seems like all the college kids already have a place for them to go to and also where would i have it? I dont feel comfortable have it at home, I hope you understand and ask that you would provide for me a place where we could come together and study your words. I really want to do it ASAP and I hope you will give me the favor like you always have.

I ask for your favor also on several photoshoots that I will be having particularly the ones that I'm creating a collection for. I pray for organization skills, discernment, creativity, originality & amazing outcome that showcase your beauy for the whole world to see. I myself know that I could not do anything without you. I hope you know that I am nothing without you and I acknowledge that. Jesus please work through my hands and my mind and help me to think of easy ways to put all these hairstyles together.

Thank you Jesus for your goodness xx

Just want to be different

I mean your own sister said in her own words that she hates you ? Yet you care about her so much ? You love mum so much that you want your sister not to make mum upset. And she would in turn tell you that hate is a strong word & that she really really really hate me. My heart is numbed. I don't know how to feel. I feel like I'm one person at church and one person at home. And I still can't believe she deleted me off fb. But it doesn't matter. Sometimes I really wish I don't have a sibling. I wish for our relationships to be better but it's not going anywhere. I don't want to be here. I almost don't want to care anymore. I feel like all that I do and say to her is pointless. Sometimes I just want to smack her because she's so rude & disrespectful but hitting her is not right & I don't want to regret it. I really hope she stays at home & not go out. Not that I want her to suffer but I want her to be disciplined. I don't want her to be raised up rebellious & not obeying mum. That's the worst! 
I just want to get away from everything & all my family & be with family of God. Just want to give up my dreams & life here in Australia and go somewhere else. Dont know who I should talk to. Don't know who would understand. Oh well it's like all the other time. There's no one anyway ....