Blank...emotion

I haven't been getting a good sleep. I hope I will get a better sleep tonight as last night I woke up several times and even slept on the couch for a few hours before realising that it still didn't feel right and jumped back into my bed.

It hasn't been a great day today. I mean it's really up to my perception. I can choose to see it as a something great, good, horrible or bad. Normally today would be a very bad day, but I mean, because of God, I think today is a great lesson to learn from.

I had the feedback emailed back to me for my interior design assignment and eventhough it says that I did 'not bad' but I still feel like I did a bad job. I feel as though there were so many things I missed and didn't include and I felt like it wasn't fair for them telling me not to resubmit it.

Then I had a client (who I've cut for once) coming in on the second last appointment and to say the least, I stuffed up. I cut it too short. Her hair was curly and thick and she wanted a lot thinning out. I was unhappy that I didn't please her and made her happy. I was nervous, upset and myself and scared for the next client's reaction. The next client had to wait for soooooo long, he appointment was suppose to be at 7pm but I ended up doing her at 7:50pm because the previous girl would not want to come back for a redo, but she wanted it to be fixed straight away. I felt so much pressure. I was scared. I didn't know if she will ever come back :( Now when I think of TOni & GUy I think of those situations, they keep sticking on my mind. I know it's not good to be like that and I have to let myself come to a realisation that I CAN NOT please EVERYONE! I just have to learn to listen and be more cautious.

But what was great, was that this last client was EXTREEEMMEEELYY, I MEAN 'EXTREMELY' nice!!!!!! She was so understanding, and honestly I'd be pissed for waiting that long. She knew what was going on. And she totally understood. I had to close the salon, but having her last really made me feel better because she made me smile.

Then came the bus. My bus did not stop for me even though he driver saw me. God knows why. But that's okay.. I just got to get up after I fail. That's okay. God's with me. Everything is going to be okay.

I still haven't got a Model. I'm on the verge of panicking but I won't. I KNOWWWWW there must be someone out there!!! there must bee!!!! there must beeeee!!!! GOODDDDDDD HEEELLPPPPPP MEEE..

REVEALL HER TOOOOO MEEEEEEE

YOU KNOWWWW HOW MMUUCCHHHH I NEEEDDDD THISSS!!!!!!!


I hope to go gym tomorrow morning and get everything off my mind :( I'm just a little sad.

And to be honest, I have no one to talk to apart from you. S---- not picking up, M--- has problem of her own, C---- working I think, R---- I don't know. To be honest, I don't have that much friends. And when it seems like I need someone most, there's ... no one...

But that's okay. It's not about what makes ME feel good. It's about YOU refining my character and strength. I love you

The great comes then the worst comes

Yeah, I can say I've been happy, but I can also say I have not been very happy.

I was happy that FINALLY, FINALLY we've got a model and I'm starting to get active ect. But what can I say, when a total shock hit me: The model can not colour her hair. Now I'm going back to square 1 trying to find model. It's difficult because no one is willing to colour their hair red because they're agency represented. I've posted a casting call on Model Mayhem but it seems as though my conditions are too much because there has been many views, but no emails of interest. At times I do wonder if this is what God wants me to do. IF it is, why does it have to be so hard. I mean, God placed this competition in my heart for a reason right. It did not work out last year, so I want to attempt again this year, and now I have 18 days till the proposed shoot and have still not found a model. I honestly lost count of how many models we've searched for, but none were right. I want to keep my faith up because having NO model is NOT an option for me, as Lisa Bevere said. But I can't help it but be extremely sad.... Especially when it's my dad off today and I wanted to get out, but I didn't end up doing it because there was no one to go out with. I called a few people but they didn't pick up. I asked but they weren't available. I just want to get my mind off things and chill. I'm just stuck at home.....

Like last year, I have no idea what I was doing, what I needed to do, but God's spirit was with me and He blessed me with an amazing model & an amazing style which got me the scholarship & then the position at World Square T&G. If he could do it then, he could do it now. So I trust and believe in him that he will deliver. He has to, he promised.




:( Lord, come with me...