So hi,
hi....
So I don't know what to say.
It has been almost a year since I made my last entry on this blog. So how's my life now?
I just got in a relationship officially as of yesterday with Pauly. And we just went to the Organic Market and we had a little ... well not little.... we both were upset, we didn't have a good time. I'm still annoyed and upset right now. He went home. Whatever. I'm pissed.
I just think as much of a good driver as he is, he still drives quite riskily. It really annoys me and I feel like my safety is in jeopardy. He just speeds, and drives super fast when its a red light and assume that it's going to turn green when he goes pass it. Like seriously what difference does it make if he would just slow down. I got upset and angry today because he hit another car's rear mirror. Like it annoyed me so much because it kept on wanting to drive when he could simply stop and let the other car go. But nooooooo he wants the other car to stop but they didn't so he was pushing in. Arghh so annoying.
So I've been really frustrated with the whole powerhouse deal. Long story short, I want to give up. Damaris from Frontline and told me that God told her to tell me not to give up.
I still don't know what's going to happen. I guess me and Pauly will lead together. He is great and all but he is terrible at planning. I mean not entirely terrible, but he is a person of great ideas but he is not good at making it happen, and even if he sometimes does, he is not delegating and chooses to do everything himself.
Anyways, I'm going to Prema to chat to them tomorrow. Let see how it goes.... Don't know what's going to happen but I'll be happy either way. If I don't get anything there, that's totally fine even though I would want to work for them. I'm happy at least I get to talk to them and see what the company believes in.
If they do want me, I'm still very nervous because I don't know how I will fit in the picture. I don't know if they will judge me. God said to me He will have something for me. Pauly said God will give me a part time work.
My concerns are: the pay, whether or not they're willing to invest in me, and how flexible are they.
We will see how it goes. I don't know what God wants...
So.... I haven't been reading the word in so long even though Pauly and I do spend time talking through our day and praying. But I do feel like, and I know I need to read God's word more.... I guess, I just don't know what I need so I just don't want to read it... I'm at such a confusing season and I just want to give up.
Powerhouse, I feel is like falling a part... It's really sad... Less people attend and people's roles are just all messed up. People don't enjoy it.. or not know what they're doing.. follow ups are not being done.. and so forth..
However, Pauly and I spoke last night as we really believe it's a fresh season and God is going to bring increase and expansion again...
It's just that, I feel like we need to bring new people into leadership and I don't know when I'm able to meet with them to see their commitment level..
It's so hard to choose ... Who do I choose??
Clifford and Hannah... I know they should do something...but I don't know what that means...
Jayme and Junior... I know I want them to lead.. but how will that fit in with Junior being at work...
What about the new people's team.. how is that going to be like...
How different will the leadership of Lungz be now??
Who will I give permission to lead me because clearly I'm not given permission for Leighton to lead me. I don't take directions from him well....
I'm just so tired right now... I don't even want to do anything..
