ANIBI!!

Okay I just had a SKYPE session with Anibi and I feel much much better.

I know God is in control even though I don't see it. I know He is mighty and He is good and nothing goes out of His sight. He sees it all and knows it all. He knows all the good and bad things. He hears my cries and He hears my heart. He knows what I need and what I want. He gives me the desire to want the right things. Not because of selfish ambitions but because He knows that I am capable of achieving those things. I love Jesus so much and I know this year will be a great year.

For some reasons, I was incredibly moody and tired this morning, but right now it's as if I have a new energy surging through me. I'm happy and I know that it's none other than God's holy power. I know that I have to love myself first and foremost and I can NOT diet! I can not DIET!! Because if I do I will always go in this vicious cycle of not being happy with myself. I need to LOVE ME FIRST and the rest shall come. I need to appreciative of God has given to me and not take things for granted. I need to also understand the power of fasting and prayer. If I want something that God wants, no doubt God will give it to me.

I know my health is something I need to have a closer look at, but a softer look on. I need not give myself a scrutinising look and criticise myself for every little wrong thing I do. Let's just use those things as a stepping stone to what I want to achieve and not see it as failure. Mistakes will not be accepted as failure until you accept it as reality. I know God only wants the best for me but I have to work for it and I have to be willing to pay the price for it.

I thank God for giving me peace..

Thank you Jesus

I gave up again

So half way through my 2nd day I could not take it anymore. I was finding it so hard to even stand up without feeling dizzy. I hope I didn't disappoint God. I know that this time around, this is not failure, but another stepping stone to get me to where I want to be with God.....


Caroline said that I shouldn't stress too much and that I'm too hard on myself. I think that might be the case. I think I expect too much.

How can I make the right choices? How can I just love myself more!!?

3%..... thats all i have left: 2/3 day water fast

I am desperate... I am in great need of a mentor. I can't do this on my own. I need someone to guide me. I need someone to hold me accountable. I've been chasing this for 8 years. I'm caught up in the vicious cycle of stopping and starting. Failing and continuing, yet still giving up at the end. Why do I have to do that? Why am I so weak. I feel like apart of me is being taken over by satan's power.

I'm on my 2nd day of water fast. I'm so restless. I can't even smile. I don't even want to do anything. I can't even be bothered to clean my clothes on the floor or do my interior designing assignment. I know I really need to get them done eventually and I don't want to give up or delay it. I hate how I'm always giving up or not feeling bothered. I haven't fasted in so long and this time around it is so hard. I can't believe how hard it is. I'm actually going on a 3 day fast but was hoping I can continue and maybe do a 40 days. But that seems so long and hard. But I'll just take it one day at a time.

I need blessings and wisdom for Wella Trend Vision as well. I didn't win last year. My entry didn't even get through but because I fasted with Xiao Wei, it was recieved at the end of the day. I didn't know until I started work at World Square and someone told me they saw my work. But still I wasn't even invited to the national final. I think mine came heaps late. But who cares, thats over and done with and now is a new year. I want to do extremely well and I know with God's power I will be able to succeed in a supernatural way. I want to win not because of selfish ambition but because I know I'm capable. I may be young but I have God and God promised me that he will make me prosper. I'd like to come a long way and win. I'd like an opportunity to do something for Jesus. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that God knows. I trust everything he gives me. What I also know is that, God wouldn't put this competition in my heart if he wasn't going to bless me in it. So i know for a fact that he will be with me. He will advise me on what to do, which model to pick, what theme to do, what MUA to choose, what photographer works best and so on. I'm excited. But right now, I'm more exhausted than I've been. I'm so hungry but it's okay. I need to cry out to God and show God how much I want this. I have to give up my body as a living sacrifice before him..

God please bless me.. Please bless me... Please give me wisdom and give me a mentor.

In Jesus' name....Amen