Saturday, August 21, 2010
So frustrated.
I hate myself. I hate how I look. I hate how my body has become how it is now. I hate how I have to go vote for my sister. I'm not bothered to do anything. I'm not bothered to get out of the house even though I know I should because it's such a beautiful day outside. I hate my situation right now. I hate how everyone is being so lovely and positive when I'm just depressed like this. I know that it's all up to me. And it is my choice whether I want to be negative or positive but seriously I don't understand why God is allowing all these things to happen all at once to me. I feel absolutely overwhelmed and robbed of energy. I just want a peace of mind. I just want to enjoy the healthy state of living, eating right and going to the gym. My eyes are getting whiter and it's a good sign, but I can't help but just eat and eat and eat. Especially when your brain pursues what you see then I will keep eating what's in front of me. I hate being at home. I hate how I can be SOOOO healthy when I'm out, when I'm at training, because I only pack what I need, but as soon as I come home, I eat like a pig.
I hate how my dad is. I hate the situation of my family. Why does it have to be like this? Why? I know everything happens for a reason, but God just tell me why. I know it's necessary for these things to happen so eventually blessings can come but why?????
WHY DOES THAT STUPID TAXI DRIVER have to make a claim against me for that minimal damage???? I don't understand those people!!! I feelllll sooo STREESSSEDDD AND OVERWHELMED, I just want to not see anybody, I just want to cry and be by myself!!! I hate how things have not even been figured out. Why does that have to be on hold for so long. I know justice delay is not justice denied but its been 3 months and I just want justice to serve those people!!! THOSE SELFISH, LIARS, MONEY-DRIVEN PEOPLE who take advantage of all situation possible. Get out of my face evil one!!! Get out of my dreamss!!!! The evil spirit is attacking me so bad, even in my dreams. But I know God will lift me up on high and he will protect me. It's so hard right now. It's so hard and I don't know how much longer I can take. I don't know how much is left that I can bare. I can barely hold on to these things. The best of the best came, then the worst of the worst also came. I'm just feeling devasted at the moment. I don't want to feel that way BUT I CAN'T HELP IT!!!!! IF I COULD be happier THEN I WOULD, BUT I CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!
The day is so beautiful and wonderful but my heart hurts, I see no healing taking place, I see nothing right now. My life is as black as coal. But then black coals burn the brightest.
I don't understand why God is not allowing me to achieve what I REALLLLYYY want to achieve, when he knows I've been struggling with it for so long. I've been so self concious. I always am. I can't help it. I'm just happy with how I am even though I know God made me. But the reason is that I know God didn't intend for me to be like this. I know He only ever wants me to be at my optimal level of health but it's so difficult living in this generation, this world, this country where processed food is bombarding our lives, dead food is present more than ever before. Time is so tight, gym is hardly manageable especially when my life is so damn chaotic right now. I'm so stressed and need to get so much things done and end up sleeping really late. Every night I don't even want the next day to begin, I just want ever-ending rest. I'm so tired right now. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to do anything. I know many exciting things are waiting for me but HONESTLY I AMMMMMMM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEPRESSED~!!!!!
When will I have that state of health that I always long for? Will I look my best before I go on the holiday/ summer?
Seriously, I am finished!
Have no energy to do anything. Nothing!
I hate how my dad is. I hate the situation of my family. Why does it have to be like this? Why? I know everything happens for a reason, but God just tell me why. I know it's necessary for these things to happen so eventually blessings can come but why?????
WHY DOES THAT STUPID TAXI DRIVER have to make a claim against me for that minimal damage???? I don't understand those people!!! I feelllll sooo STREESSSEDDD AND OVERWHELMED, I just want to not see anybody, I just want to cry and be by myself!!! I hate how things have not even been figured out. Why does that have to be on hold for so long. I know justice delay is not justice denied but its been 3 months and I just want justice to serve those people!!! THOSE SELFISH, LIARS, MONEY-DRIVEN PEOPLE who take advantage of all situation possible. Get out of my face evil one!!! Get out of my dreamss!!!! The evil spirit is attacking me so bad, even in my dreams. But I know God will lift me up on high and he will protect me. It's so hard right now. It's so hard and I don't know how much longer I can take. I don't know how much is left that I can bare. I can barely hold on to these things. The best of the best came, then the worst of the worst also came. I'm just feeling devasted at the moment. I don't want to feel that way BUT I CAN'T HELP IT!!!!! IF I COULD be happier THEN I WOULD, BUT I CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!
The day is so beautiful and wonderful but my heart hurts, I see no healing taking place, I see nothing right now. My life is as black as coal. But then black coals burn the brightest.
I don't understand why God is not allowing me to achieve what I REALLLLYYY want to achieve, when he knows I've been struggling with it for so long. I've been so self concious. I always am. I can't help it. I'm just happy with how I am even though I know God made me. But the reason is that I know God didn't intend for me to be like this. I know He only ever wants me to be at my optimal level of health but it's so difficult living in this generation, this world, this country where processed food is bombarding our lives, dead food is present more than ever before. Time is so tight, gym is hardly manageable especially when my life is so damn chaotic right now. I'm so stressed and need to get so much things done and end up sleeping really late. Every night I don't even want the next day to begin, I just want ever-ending rest. I'm so tired right now. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to do anything. I know many exciting things are waiting for me but HONESTLY I AMMMMMMM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEPRESSED~!!!!!
When will I have that state of health that I always long for? Will I look my best before I go on the holiday/ summer?
Seriously, I am finished!
Have no energy to do anything. Nothing!
Friday, August 20, 2010
How long left God?
God, how long is left until everything is over?
How long Jesus? How long?
I can't take this anymore. I can't believe how many things are going on in my life. I can't believe you allow for this much pain, stress and troubles. But even though I cry, I still know for sure that you will give me a bright future after all is over and done.
I just can't believe how my dad is. I can't believe this kind of person exist. I can't believe how his family is defending him so bad. I can't believe all the blame mum has to be put through. I can't believe that is my dad. I don't understand why they got married. I don't understand why mum married that guy when she deserved so much more. Are we cursed? Is her generation cursed? Are there better things to come? Is she going to have a better man in her life? How long left God? How long left?
I don't think I can take this anymore. If another straw is put on my back, I think I will probably scream and go insane, literally. I don't know if there's anything worst than how I'm feeling now. I know last time I said worst things are yet to come. I think this has to be the end of it. This has to be the worst because Jesus, you said you will not make me go through anything that I can't handle. I seriously can't handle any more problems in my life.
My uncle is the DEVIL!! No matter how much he has done for me, I still trulyhate dislike him. I will never want to be their company ever from now onward. I hate all the things those disgusting, ignorant, selfish, evil people have planned, said and done to allow these problems to occur. I hate how my family is broken apart because of their stupidity, stubbornness and materialistic ambitions. I hate them so much I honestly want to kill them. They hurt me so bad, not only that they've hurt people I love most. I never wanted my parents to break up. I never wanted my dad to be how he is. No matter what happened I had faith that he would change and that they will still be together. But all has changed, my heart is like a rock right now that I WANT them to break up. A person like my mum deserve no such thing as him. How forgiving, how merciful, how beautiful, how lovely, how caring, how strong, how unbelievable is my mum? Yet to the the most inspirational person in my life, THESE THINGS had to happen?? I don't understand! Please God, I beg you. GET HIM OUT OF OUR LIFE! He is the devil. He came to steal kill and destroy because the devil knows we are your people and have a great calling ahead of us. Take care of us. Take care of mum. Take care of me and keep me strong. Give me the will to go on, give me the support and the comfort that I need. Give me reassurance. Give me the blessing more than any other time. I really need it right now.
The weird client today wrecked my mood already, not to mention how tired I was on the way home. With that, I had to then face my dad telling me once more that he will not care about me if I don't care about him/ talk to him, and vice versa... There's many more thing that pissed me off but I did not want to talk to him and I think that's why he was mad. I'm so sick of that person and I want him out of my life straight away. I love him and care for him but I don't want to BE with him. I thank him for giving birth to me but that is all. His only an instrument that God had used to make me. I honestly can't think of any other great memories between me and him. Absolutely nothing. Maybe the only thing that we share in common is some physical features and the fact that we're both neat and clean. Apart from that, my dad has never given me a special memory of any sort. Whereas my mum had given me countless. I WILL GET A TATTOO about her, dedicated to her.
I'm so sick and tired of life. Can't even go gym. Don't even have the mindset and energy to do anything or keep on track of the goals I've set out. Vardering is tomorrow and I'm not bothered to go because I'm so freaken pissed and upset and tired and I just want to RELLLLLLAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I'm so tired right now. So tired of life. So tired and sick and angry and annoyed at how I can't even spend time studying God's words.
I can't even put a smile on my face. My eyes are dying on me. I hate life right now. I'm trying to love it, but right now?......I'm not too sure.
Things are pretty crap.
All is falling apart.
God how long left????
How long Jesus? How long?
I can't take this anymore. I can't believe how many things are going on in my life. I can't believe you allow for this much pain, stress and troubles. But even though I cry, I still know for sure that you will give me a bright future after all is over and done.
I just can't believe how my dad is. I can't believe this kind of person exist. I can't believe how his family is defending him so bad. I can't believe all the blame mum has to be put through. I can't believe that is my dad. I don't understand why they got married. I don't understand why mum married that guy when she deserved so much more. Are we cursed? Is her generation cursed? Are there better things to come? Is she going to have a better man in her life? How long left God? How long left?
I don't think I can take this anymore. If another straw is put on my back, I think I will probably scream and go insane, literally. I don't know if there's anything worst than how I'm feeling now. I know last time I said worst things are yet to come. I think this has to be the end of it. This has to be the worst because Jesus, you said you will not make me go through anything that I can't handle. I seriously can't handle any more problems in my life.
My uncle is the DEVIL!! No matter how much he has done for me, I still truly
The weird client today wrecked my mood already, not to mention how tired I was on the way home. With that, I had to then face my dad telling me once more that he will not care about me if I don't care about him/ talk to him, and vice versa... There's many more thing that pissed me off but I did not want to talk to him and I think that's why he was mad. I'm so sick of that person and I want him out of my life straight away. I love him and care for him but I don't want to BE with him. I thank him for giving birth to me but that is all. His only an instrument that God had used to make me. I honestly can't think of any other great memories between me and him. Absolutely nothing. Maybe the only thing that we share in common is some physical features and the fact that we're both neat and clean. Apart from that, my dad has never given me a special memory of any sort. Whereas my mum had given me countless. I WILL GET A TATTOO about her, dedicated to her.
I'm so sick and tired of life. Can't even go gym. Don't even have the mindset and energy to do anything or keep on track of the goals I've set out. Vardering is tomorrow and I'm not bothered to go because I'm so freaken pissed and upset and tired and I just want to RELLLLLLAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I'm so tired right now. So tired of life. So tired and sick and angry and annoyed at how I can't even spend time studying God's words.
I can't even put a smile on my face. My eyes are dying on me. I hate life right now. I'm trying to love it, but right now?......I'm not too sure.
Things are pretty crap.
All is falling apart.
God how long left????
Thursday, August 19, 2010
So I don't know how I feel....
Right now, I honestly don't know what's going on and how I'm currently feeling.
I haven't updated this blog in a few days and many things have happened.
Well vardering has been going well so far. I started on Monday and every day, we do around 4 clients on average. Monday was good. Spent pretty much the whole morning watching DVDs then cut 2 haircuts in the afternoon. I honestly thought it'd be a bit more lay back on the first day but I was put on the floor straight away. Cut cut cut and cut away. Tuesday was good. Can't remember what haircut I did but I did 4 and it was good. I learnt a lot from the mistakes I made. I always take down notes at the end of each haircut for improvements and just so I can remember where I've gone wrong and what I need to be careful of next time. It has been really helpful. Yesterday was a great day as well. It felt good to have recommended products and then the clients agreed to purchase them. Both of the siblings were really happy with the hair and I feel very glad to have made them feel that way. I mean, this is the reason why I'm doing hair. I want people to feel beautiful, better and more confident about themselves.
However, today was quite scary. I felt like this one client of mine who had the vertical graduation was a bit mean. She was someone weird to be honest. Like do you really need to tell me that my profile line is not straight when I really do think it is. Even after I "fixed" it, she still shrugged her shoulders and think it's still not good enough. I was being so nice to her, complementing and all, but no she looked so upset and angry throughout the hair cut. Well I admit that I did cut one side slightly shorter than the other therefore I had to fix it up by matching the length. It wasn't a big deal. Besides the hair cut looked great at the end but she still complained that she wanted it longer bla bla bla. Well I'm sorry. I said "thank you for your patience" twice and she completely ignored me. So I tried the third time and she just smiled. But I have to say that, I did learn from my lesson. I don't want that to happen again so the next hair cut that I did, I was constantly cross checking, making sure that it's even and in order. Omg i don't another person to complain. Another thing I need to do is to ask more questions during the consultation, take smaller sections, and be cautious of my elevation angles when over-directing hair.
I haven't been to the gym since Monday. I really want to go but I've been lacking so much sleep to a point where I did pack the clothes, shoes, work-out plan for the next day, I ended up staying in bed because I was feeling sleepy and exhausted. Man, my dad is pretty much taken up at T&G. Once I come home it's like 7:30 and then I need to pack things for the next day: clothes, food ect AND THINGS ALWAYS tend to come up so unexpectedly that I end up sleeping at around 1am. It's so stupid though. I've been having just juice for breakfast for the past week or so and I can already tell that my health is improving. Slightly but still good. My tongue has gone very clear and fleshy looking with less marks or cloudy colour. The white of my eyes seems to be brighter and whiter as well. I've been eating very healthy at T&G. I only have one break anyway and I've been having salad with either starch or meat. But lately, it's just plain salad with some nuts and honey. That's it. However, when I do come home, I binge like crazy, it's so bad. I don't like it when I'm home because what ever I see, I will eat. It's so bad. I want to go to gym as well. It's the summer soon and I'm going overseas soon and I want to look good. Look my best.
In terms of godly hours. I haven't had much. I been bad because I want to get into his words so much, but for some reasons, I'm robbed of the energy. Like for example, right now I'm typing this and my plan is to go read something later, but my eyes are weighing me down so much. I feel so sleepy. I just wished I had the energy to read and get into God's words like how I used to. I don't get it. I should be able to get to him any time, and I know that, but why is it so had to find out more about him. Last night I wanted to watch TD jakes but I ended up falling asleep because I was so tired. I hate how things are at the moment. My family is truly a mess and I know worst things are yet to come. My energy level is decreasing slowly. I haven't gone to gym since Monday, it's been T,W, T Okay so 3 days. Seems less but still, it means that I'm stationary and I don't want to be stationary. I want to keep moving forward on that mountain. Omg I'm so sleepy right now!!!!
GOD YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANT TO GO TO THE GYM. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANT TO GET INTO YOUR WORDS AND BE IN YOUR PRESENCE. YOU KNOW IT. YOU KNOW IT. WHY WON'T YOU LET ME?
PLEASE JESUS, OPEN UP TO ME. LET ME COME TO YOU.
RENEW ME WITH YOUR SPIRIT.
I NEED YOU TO STRENGTHEN ME AND WAKE UP ME FROM THIS TIREDNESS.
Thank you for blessing Sveta and healing her. I want to give thanks for the future of Sveta. She will have a great future, a great life, a great family and a great man who loves her.
I also want to say thank you for the wisdom you've been giving me through my Vardering course. I appreciate you so much. Thank you Jesus.
Why am I feeling like this?
I want energy.
I'm so drained right now
I haven't updated this blog in a few days and many things have happened.
Well vardering has been going well so far. I started on Monday and every day, we do around 4 clients on average. Monday was good. Spent pretty much the whole morning watching DVDs then cut 2 haircuts in the afternoon. I honestly thought it'd be a bit more lay back on the first day but I was put on the floor straight away. Cut cut cut and cut away. Tuesday was good. Can't remember what haircut I did but I did 4 and it was good. I learnt a lot from the mistakes I made. I always take down notes at the end of each haircut for improvements and just so I can remember where I've gone wrong and what I need to be careful of next time. It has been really helpful. Yesterday was a great day as well. It felt good to have recommended products and then the clients agreed to purchase them. Both of the siblings were really happy with the hair and I feel very glad to have made them feel that way. I mean, this is the reason why I'm doing hair. I want people to feel beautiful, better and more confident about themselves.
However, today was quite scary. I felt like this one client of mine who had the vertical graduation was a bit mean. She was someone weird to be honest. Like do you really need to tell me that my profile line is not straight when I really do think it is. Even after I "fixed" it, she still shrugged her shoulders and think it's still not good enough. I was being so nice to her, complementing and all, but no she looked so upset and angry throughout the hair cut. Well I admit that I did cut one side slightly shorter than the other therefore I had to fix it up by matching the length. It wasn't a big deal. Besides the hair cut looked great at the end but she still complained that she wanted it longer bla bla bla. Well I'm sorry. I said "thank you for your patience" twice and she completely ignored me. So I tried the third time and she just smiled. But I have to say that, I did learn from my lesson. I don't want that to happen again so the next hair cut that I did, I was constantly cross checking, making sure that it's even and in order. Omg i don't another person to complain. Another thing I need to do is to ask more questions during the consultation, take smaller sections, and be cautious of my elevation angles when over-directing hair.
I haven't been to the gym since Monday. I really want to go but I've been lacking so much sleep to a point where I did pack the clothes, shoes, work-out plan for the next day, I ended up staying in bed because I was feeling sleepy and exhausted. Man, my dad is pretty much taken up at T&G. Once I come home it's like 7:30 and then I need to pack things for the next day: clothes, food ect AND THINGS ALWAYS tend to come up so unexpectedly that I end up sleeping at around 1am. It's so stupid though. I've been having just juice for breakfast for the past week or so and I can already tell that my health is improving. Slightly but still good. My tongue has gone very clear and fleshy looking with less marks or cloudy colour. The white of my eyes seems to be brighter and whiter as well. I've been eating very healthy at T&G. I only have one break anyway and I've been having salad with either starch or meat. But lately, it's just plain salad with some nuts and honey. That's it. However, when I do come home, I binge like crazy, it's so bad. I don't like it when I'm home because what ever I see, I will eat. It's so bad. I want to go to gym as well. It's the summer soon and I'm going overseas soon and I want to look good. Look my best.
In terms of godly hours. I haven't had much. I been bad because I want to get into his words so much, but for some reasons, I'm robbed of the energy. Like for example, right now I'm typing this and my plan is to go read something later, but my eyes are weighing me down so much. I feel so sleepy. I just wished I had the energy to read and get into God's words like how I used to. I don't get it. I should be able to get to him any time, and I know that, but why is it so had to find out more about him. Last night I wanted to watch TD jakes but I ended up falling asleep because I was so tired. I hate how things are at the moment. My family is truly a mess and I know worst things are yet to come. My energy level is decreasing slowly. I haven't gone to gym since Monday, it's been T,W, T Okay so 3 days. Seems less but still, it means that I'm stationary and I don't want to be stationary. I want to keep moving forward on that mountain. Omg I'm so sleepy right now!!!!
GOD YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANT TO GO TO THE GYM. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANT TO GET INTO YOUR WORDS AND BE IN YOUR PRESENCE. YOU KNOW IT. YOU KNOW IT. WHY WON'T YOU LET ME?
PLEASE JESUS, OPEN UP TO ME. LET ME COME TO YOU.
RENEW ME WITH YOUR SPIRIT.
I NEED YOU TO STRENGTHEN ME AND WAKE UP ME FROM THIS TIREDNESS.
Thank you for blessing Sveta and healing her. I want to give thanks for the future of Sveta. She will have a great future, a great life, a great family and a great man who loves her.
I also want to say thank you for the wisdom you've been giving me through my Vardering course. I appreciate you so much. Thank you Jesus.
Why am I feeling like this?
I want energy.
I'm so drained right now
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
:)
love this..
By Yuri Elkaim
Eating for Energy:
Transforming Your Life Through Living Plant-based Whole Foods
By Yuri Elkaim
Monday, August 16, 2010
BAPTISM - Sunday 15th August
I love Jesus so much.
I just got baptize with Chi yesterday and I feel like whole new person inside and out.
Today was my first day of Vardering as well. It was really nerve-racking but good. I think everyday we're suppose to do 4 models or something. I spent half of the day watching DVDs which made me really sleepy.
I went to gym this morning and from today on, I believe I'm living as a new me. My life will definitely change. There's a routine to everything now and I'm glad. Every weekday from now, I'm waking up at 7 or 7:30am to go gym, then from gym to work. I'm so happy to know that I'm making the most out of my 24 hours. I think the more things I need to do, the more carefully I plan my time. The less I need to do, the more time I will waste and procrastinate. I'm so happy to be able to fit so much in my day. Every night I would need to plan for the next day's work out, lunch and clothes for gym & work. Besides that I still have time for God which is amazing. I'm so grateful that from now on, I can come to connect group on Tuesdays and church on Saturdays. Yay. I'm so happy.
Okay well God I know you were with me today. I thank you and ask that you will continue to bless me tomorrow! Thank you Jesus.
I just got baptize with Chi yesterday and I feel like whole new person inside and out.
Today was my first day of Vardering as well. It was really nerve-racking but good. I think everyday we're suppose to do 4 models or something. I spent half of the day watching DVDs which made me really sleepy.
I went to gym this morning and from today on, I believe I'm living as a new me. My life will definitely change. There's a routine to everything now and I'm glad. Every weekday from now, I'm waking up at 7 or 7:30am to go gym, then from gym to work. I'm so happy to know that I'm making the most out of my 24 hours. I think the more things I need to do, the more carefully I plan my time. The less I need to do, the more time I will waste and procrastinate. I'm so happy to be able to fit so much in my day. Every night I would need to plan for the next day's work out, lunch and clothes for gym & work. Besides that I still have time for God which is amazing. I'm so grateful that from now on, I can come to connect group on Tuesdays and church on Saturdays. Yay. I'm so happy.
Okay well God I know you were with me today. I thank you and ask that you will continue to bless me tomorrow! Thank you Jesus.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Saturday Week 1/12 This night changes everything yet again
Well today was Jovie's birthday so Sveta and I went to greet her a joyful night. I'm so glad to see how much effort Daryl put into making this birthday for her. He is such a thoughtful and sweet guy and I'm happy to see that they're so happy together. We arrived late and didn't eat because Sveta and I both had work, plus Sveta needed to go to the doctor and got ready quite late as well. But besides that, tonight was definitely a memorable night for both of us I think. It's a start of something new.
We ended up stopping by Newtown and got some gelato. We sat down and talked for a while. Reminising about how last year we were so motivated to go gym. It wasn't because I have to/ want to or not. It was I NEED to go and everyday gym was a necessity. I just couldn't believe how committed I was and even my uncle saw that and told my cousin, who then told me about how I'm so dedicated to go even during the rain. But I guess it was because we both experienced something so dramatic in our lives, and that pushed us into a new route and direction. It was something exciting and motivated us to reach for the best of the best.
We then decided to go join a gym together and now, it's like deja vu. We're joining a gym again. This time it's Newtown gym. I actually really love it there. I love it and it's just so different. I'm also glad that I got the off-peak price because it pushes me to go in the morning. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow being at the gym: not only because I need to burn off all the things I've eaten, but just the thought of thriving for health and that feeling of tone-ness, it's just priceless. I know I will achieve it in no time.
Tonight we both made a commitment to one another that we need to start fresh and focus on our health and state of well-being. It is so crucial because if we can take care of our body, it will then influence our minds, the mental state and the way we think. Ultimately, the way we act and behave will also change. It's so good to see us coming together like this again, letting go of all that bothers us ei, work, stress, household commitment, relationship, family ect... and give gym all the energy that it deserves. Not only that, but eating right is also important. I'm so glad that this time around will be totally different. And I sincerely believe that your hard work never goes unnoticed. People will always recognise everything you do, even the people you don't know.
I don't want to be stationary. I want to keep climbing that mountain. I don't want to slip down and have to start all over again. I can't afford to risk what I've earned physically to be reversed back to how I used to be. I need to keep going and going. I want people to see me and NOTICE the difference, which I'm 100000% sure that they will ;) I'm putting a lot of effort and work into this. I want to eat healthy. I'm still trying to stick with the "salad + starch or meat" meal thing. I'm having a hard time especially when I'm out eating. I'm also having a hard time not eating the things that looks tempting in front of me. I think if I'm focused enough on the long term result, ignoring the bad food will be no trouble at all. I pray that Jesus will continue to bless me. I know He has all along and I'm so thankful and grateful.
One more thing, I want to get a tattoo about mum. I really want to. I would love to place a phrase on myself dedicating it to her. That last verse in the previous entry really got me.
That's truly beautiful....
My baptism is also tomorrow. I'm so excited. I will pray about it a lot tomorrow and Chi will be coming to Church with me as well (:
I will be going to gym tomorrow morning.
I need to plan out my week:
We ended up stopping by Newtown and got some gelato. We sat down and talked for a while. Reminising about how last year we were so motivated to go gym. It wasn't because I have to/ want to or not. It was I NEED to go and everyday gym was a necessity. I just couldn't believe how committed I was and even my uncle saw that and told my cousin, who then told me about how I'm so dedicated to go even during the rain. But I guess it was because we both experienced something so dramatic in our lives, and that pushed us into a new route and direction. It was something exciting and motivated us to reach for the best of the best.
We then decided to go join a gym together and now, it's like deja vu. We're joining a gym again. This time it's Newtown gym. I actually really love it there. I love it and it's just so different. I'm also glad that I got the off-peak price because it pushes me to go in the morning. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow being at the gym: not only because I need to burn off all the things I've eaten, but just the thought of thriving for health and that feeling of tone-ness, it's just priceless. I know I will achieve it in no time.
Tonight we both made a commitment to one another that we need to start fresh and focus on our health and state of well-being. It is so crucial because if we can take care of our body, it will then influence our minds, the mental state and the way we think. Ultimately, the way we act and behave will also change. It's so good to see us coming together like this again, letting go of all that bothers us ei, work, stress, household commitment, relationship, family ect... and give gym all the energy that it deserves. Not only that, but eating right is also important. I'm so glad that this time around will be totally different. And I sincerely believe that your hard work never goes unnoticed. People will always recognise everything you do, even the people you don't know.
I don't want to be stationary. I want to keep climbing that mountain. I don't want to slip down and have to start all over again. I can't afford to risk what I've earned physically to be reversed back to how I used to be. I need to keep going and going. I want people to see me and NOTICE the difference, which I'm 100000% sure that they will ;) I'm putting a lot of effort and work into this. I want to eat healthy. I'm still trying to stick with the "salad + starch or meat" meal thing. I'm having a hard time especially when I'm out eating. I'm also having a hard time not eating the things that looks tempting in front of me. I think if I'm focused enough on the long term result, ignoring the bad food will be no trouble at all. I pray that Jesus will continue to bless me. I know He has all along and I'm so thankful and grateful.
One more thing, I want to get a tattoo about mum. I really want to. I would love to place a phrase on myself dedicating it to her. That last verse in the previous entry really got me.
"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power."
That's truly beautiful....
My baptism is also tomorrow. I'm so excited. I will pray about it a lot tomorrow and Chi will be coming to Church with me as well (:
I will be going to gym tomorrow morning.
I need to plan out my week:
- when to go to gym,
- what to bring,
- if I'm going to go straight to T&G after of if I will go home,
- what work-out I'm going to do for what day,
- what I will be eating daily
Other than that, I'm going to do some more research on a good place to do tattooing. I also need to look for mum's present. Oh and definitely read the haircut booklet & Label M products info.
Anyways, it's like 2:33am now and I should get some sleep. I will see you very soon tomorrow!
xx Love love alwaysssss world!
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