How long left God?

God, how long is left until everything is over?

How long Jesus? How long?

I can't take this anymore. I can't believe how many things are going on in my life. I can't believe you allow for this much pain, stress and troubles. But even though I cry, I still know for sure that you will give me a bright future after all is over and done.

I just can't believe how my dad is. I can't believe this kind of person exist. I can't believe how his family is defending him so bad. I can't believe all the blame mum has to be put through. I can't believe that is my dad. I don't understand why they got married. I don't understand why mum married that guy when she deserved so much more. Are we cursed? Is her generation cursed? Are there better things to come? Is she going to have a better man in her life? How long left God? How long left?

I don't think I can take this anymore. If another straw is put on my back, I think I will probably scream and go insane, literally. I don't know if there's anything worst than how I'm feeling now. I know last time I said worst things are yet to come. I think this has to be the end of it. This has to be the worst because Jesus, you said you will not make me go through anything that I can't handle. I seriously can't handle any more problems in my life.

My uncle is the DEVIL!! No matter how much he has done for me, I still truly hate dislike him. I will never want to be their company ever from now onward. I hate all the things those disgusting, ignorant, selfish, evil people have planned, said and done to allow these problems to occur. I hate how my family is broken apart because of their stupidity, stubbornness and materialistic ambitions. I hate them so much I honestly want to kill them. They hurt me so bad, not only that they've hurt people I love most. I never wanted my parents to break up. I never wanted my dad to be how he is. No matter what happened I had faith that he would change and that they will still be together. But all has changed, my heart is like a rock right now that I WANT them to break up. A person like my mum deserve no such thing as him. How forgiving, how merciful, how beautiful, how lovely, how caring, how strong, how unbelievable is my mum? Yet to the the most inspirational person in my life, THESE THINGS had to happen?? I don't understand! Please God, I beg you. GET HIM OUT OF OUR LIFE! He is the devil. He  came to steal kill and destroy because the devil knows we are your people and have a great calling ahead of us. Take care of us. Take care of mum. Take care of me and keep me strong. Give me the will to go on, give me the support and the comfort that I need. Give me reassurance. Give me the blessing more than any other time. I really need it right now.

The weird client today wrecked my mood already, not to mention how tired I was on the way home. With that, I had to then face my dad telling me once more that he will not care about me if I don't care about him/ talk to him, and vice versa... There's many more thing that pissed me off but I did not want to talk to him and I think that's why he was mad. I'm so sick of that person and I want him out of my life straight away. I love him and care for him but I don't want to BE with him. I thank him for giving birth to me but that is all. His only an instrument that God had used to make me. I honestly can't think of any other great memories between me and him. Absolutely nothing. Maybe the only thing that we share in common is some physical features and the fact that we're both neat and clean. Apart from that, my dad has never given me a special memory of any sort. Whereas my mum had given me countless. I WILL GET A TATTOO about her, dedicated to her.

I'm so sick and tired of life. Can't even go gym. Don't even have the mindset and energy to do anything or keep on track of the goals I've set out. Vardering is tomorrow and I'm not bothered to go because I'm so freaken pissed and upset and tired and I just want to RELLLLLLAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm so tired right now. So tired of life. So tired and sick and angry and annoyed at how I can't even spend time studying God's words.

I can't even put a smile on my face. My eyes are dying on me. I hate life right now. I'm trying to love it, but right now?......I'm not too sure.

Things are pretty crap.

All is falling apart.

God how long left????