Why is it like this. yes I thank God for helping our restaurants but I wish I had time off to recover myself. When will this end? Where will I go from here? My heart is as heavy as rocks weighing down my heart. I feel so down and I wish someone, someone would come and hear me cry. Just listen and hear me out and not necessarily find faults in me, making it seems like I'm not dealing with my life rightly enough. I know I can be better but I can't help that I've gotten to where I am today. My heart is burning with grief, with anxiety. I wish someone, someone, someone would come and comfort me. I wish people would stop underestimate me or look down on me. I wish I would have the strength to go on. I wish there were less things to do or that I would have better time management skills. I wish time would pause so I can take a breather. Does anyone know how I feel? Do you know how I feel God? Do you? Will things get better? I know they will but when?? Why don't people believe in me? I hate how tonight, as I was visiting Grandpa, I recommended that he should drink Aloe Vera drink and that I would bring it to him next time. And he just laughed and said for me not to and keep it to sell it to other people. It hurts me because he doesn't believe in me. Even grandma was asking about LR, and I was disappointed to say that I have made no progress because I didn't have time. When will I find time? When will I finally prioritise the right things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm rock bottom and no one knows about it. It's affecting me so much and people can see that. They see how mean I've become, how easily agitated I've become, how sad & depressed, how quite and unmotivated I've become. And that's not me! That's not me at all. I'm burnt out! I really am. I don't know what's important anymore and I don't know what to stop doing and what to put effort in. Everything I do seems so...passive now. Nothing seems as though it will be that significant anymore. Even if I want to make something happen, I kept getting pushed down, rejection and rejection. :( It saddens me and I'm envious of people who have been so successful in LR. I know envy comes only when you know life is not fair and that you believe that you don't have what it takes to get there. This is wrong thinking I know, but I know too many things to a point where I no longer listens and pays attention to them. My heart just hurts, and burns. This is not a very good season for me. Maybe, I don't know. I didn't hit my retail last week and the week before that. 2 weeks in a row and this has never happened. I can't call this accident. I know my boss will tell me off but I'm prepared and I will not say 'but this, but that' I will take full responsibility for everything. Where has my passion and drive gone? where is that fire in me now? Where is that determination to get clients in and talk to them about products, treatments and the rest??? Where has that gone?????? Have I gone too comfortable and complacent with myself? Have I diverged my attention to something else? God ALL I WANT FOR YOU TO GIVE ME IS REST! AND TO SHOW ME WHERE TO GO NEXT. TO SHOW ME WHAT IS IMPORTANT AND WHAT IS NOT. TO SHOW ME HOW TO DEDICATE MY TIME ACCORDINGLY. HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE. HOW TO REACH MY DREAMS AND GOALS. Apart from the time that I talked to Cahl, I have not been feeling at peace. This morning was stupid and crazy and full of negative energy because of my sister and mum. Talking to W- didn't really help. He just gave me ridiculous advice and he was stubborn. I want to fly away. I want to get away from this place and just GET AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone take me. I don't know if I'm going to Melbourne for LR or not. I'll let it up to God but don't think I will. I have 2 weeks left and don't think I will reach 21%. Oh well. life sucks. I'm stuck in this hole. I'm confined. I want so many things but I have no time and definitely not the right mindset to make everything well. I hate myself for the way I've been acting.
Life really kills me at the moment. I'm laying off church for a while and just want to be away for a little bit. I wish I can get annual leave as well. Life sucks so bad right now. Sucks Sucks Sucks!
I'm just sad...and why do I have to be like this?
I want to cry but I can't even cry
