So today is the 22nd day of the fast. However I don't even know if God is looking down thinking it's legitimate. I haven't been eating meat but I have been eating sweet stuff like chocolate and refined stuff. So I feel bad. I was in a very devastating period for almost 2 weeks. It was really tough, and even now it's really tough too but I'm slowly getting there. For like 3 days, I didn't even want to read the bible, but I knew I should otherwise, physically I will be worn out especially when I've been waking up really early for jobs and stuff.
Anyways. I'm glad that God is providing for me dollar by dollar. I've got 2 fines the other day and I was not happy at all. I was quite frustrated actually, but then I thought that God will be able to help and if I have to pay for it, God will provide a way for me to earn to pay that amount. So I'm not worried any more. Last time when I took Chi to work in Strathfield the disabled parking card got confiscated but thankfully mum went to register for a new one so that's good.
So my goal for this year was to do 50 photoshoots. It is now the 22/1 and it's been 4 weeks and I've done 4 photoshoots. I have quite a few coming up as well so I'm really am thankful to Jesus, because I know nothing can happen without him, no matter who I'm working with.
Today we did the lookbook for Saveus and it was a very long 13 hour day. I was really tired and light headed. I took the bus instead of the car because I didn't want to risk getting another parking fine. So on the way home on the bus, I was thinking of what happened today and who I've met. Then going home reading all the emails for call sheets and shoots idea, I realised how fortunate I am to be working along side such amazing talents.
Like honestly, I feel like they are way beyond my range, and they've been published everyyywhhhherrrreee. And who am I that they've chosen me?? I know nothing can happen without God. I'm slowly seeing a little dim of light towards the road that I'm travelling. I ask that God will continue to humble me and keep me focused on the purpose of my life, not just my job.
I will soon be working with this amazing make up artist on Natalia's shoot, and then an amazing photographer named Zoe Economides. And on her shoot is this amazing makeup artist, and stylist....Like seriously, I've only been freelancing for a month and I get to have this opportunity to work with such people? How is that possible? How did that even happen anyway??
What makes me most nervous is how they would judge my work. Because one of the make up artist does both hair as well and I have to be honest, I do get nervous when someone else is looking over my work.
When I'm anticipating for these things to happen, it makes me wants to dwell into the words more because I need his power. I need to recharge, I need him next to me because without him I can't do anything. I can't do anything at all and I need him every step of the way. I need Jesus. I need your ideas Lord. I don't want to just come to you when I need help but also come to you when I have good news and celebrations.
Please help me to stay on track with the fast.
Please help during this fast to discover my purpose and who I am. Please bring me into the light Jesus.
I love you and please forgive me for speaking so cruel to you at times during my anger. I'm really sorry. Please forgive me.
Thank you for loving me and providing me with opportunities.
I love you Jesus.
Thank you.
