Don't know what to think.
Don't know what to do.
I just want to go to the House of God and be surrounded by beautiful individuals who will give me serenity & peace. My connect group. I miss them. I want to be surrounded by your people God. I need inspiration to start a new beginning. You know what I need God. You really do. Please please grant me a good start, the enjoyment of the process and an amazing finish result. Why do I feel restless? Is it because of the food I ate? Is it because of the rain? Is it because there are a million things that has changed which caused me to worry?
I don't want to think about problems of tomorrow. I don't want to think about anything right now. But at the same time, I can't help it but prepare for tomorrow's shoot and the models for my graduation. I'll just do it tomorrow. I'll look for the models tomorrow. Do I need sleep? But I don't want to sleep right now, although I know if I decide to sleep I will fall asleep in no time.
I just thought I'd do the
Less then 59 seconds
Friday: Dear.....
Think about someone very important to you and write a letter to that person. Imagine you only have one opportunity to tell that person how important they are to you and the impact they have had on your life.
Dear Mum,
I don't know if you are ever going to read this or even understand what I'm writing here. I think there will be a day when you will get to see this.
I just want to say how thankful I am to have you in my life. I love you so much and you are such a strong person. I'm glad your my mother because I've learnt so much from you. You've been through so much and believe me, good things did come out of it, and it's the fact that you've shaped me into the person that I am. I am able to bless others because of the things you've taught me through your broken relationship with Dad. I love your strength and how you can cope with all things no matter how great. I admire how you are able to stand up for yourself and not let others take advantage of you. I love how you are strong enough to show people that your emotional side may be weak but your mind and willingness is strong. I can not even comprehend how much you have achieved ever since the day you set foot into Australia. You always make sure we have enough to eat, to drink. You always try your best to provide us with what our friends had. I know your dream is to have Dad here, to own a business, a car and a nice house. You've got the first three and now you're working towards the final dream, which is an amazingly cosy, lovely big house with a beautiful backyard. Trust me mum, you will receive it in no time. I know I may be a little impatient with you sometimes and I tend to yell when I'm frustrated but it's because I feel so comfortable talking to you that I'm able to express my all my feelings. Unlike dad, I feel quite scared of him. I love him dearly too, but I feel like there's a wall between him and all of us. I know he loves me but he just doesn't really invest his time to get to know us better or ask us about our days. I don't like asking him for favours because it seems like I'm asking him to do me a big task. Even asking him to make me food is difficult for me. But you, you are so great mum. I know you're tired but you still care for us. If we're sick, you make sure we have medicine, adequate rest and is willing to do whatever it takes to reduce the work load off our shoulder. You would come to my room every night after you come up from work to just sit down and listen to any update I might have in my day. I love how I can tell you pretty much anything because I want you to trust me that's why I think it's best if I open up and not leave things hidden..
However there is something so great, so important that I wish I had the gut to tell you but I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of hurting you, I'm afraid of losing you, I'm afraid of things never going to be the same. I wish God will give me the will to open this conversation to you. I know you'll never approve of this, but it is not your approval that I'm seeking, it is your acceptance. Before I tell you this, I just want to let you know that you have raised me up really well and I'm old enough to make my own decisions now, especially when it comes to career path, love and personal belief. I've been keeping this from you for way too long, but Mum, ever since this had happened to me, I'm a totally different person. It is the fact that I'm a Christian and I've been going to Church. I'm a Christian for so long now. It's almost 6 years. I've been going to church really regularly as well and I love it. I love God and I believe in him. Because of my belief, I was able to conquer all the hurt, fear, and problems that have occurred in our family. There were times that I was so low, so down, I cried to sleep from hearing you and dad fight that my last resort was to go to my One and Only God for help. Each and every time I pray and talk to Him, He'd comfort me, heal me and reassure me that everything will be okay. He tells me that you will come to believe Him one day. That you will love him the same way I've always had. My wish mum, is for you to find that true love that I found. I know dad wasn't able to provide you that for the past few years, and I know for a fact that if you get to know Jesus, you will be in peace for the rest of your life. All you have to do is accept that He died for you on the cross so that all your sins shall be forgiven and He will bless you and give you a new life. You just need to have faith and believe that He will now be your provider & shelter. He will be the roof to cover you from the rain. He will heal your wounded heart. He will give you everything you need for an amazing life that He had planned for you long ago. Your life was not an accident. Your marriage not either. Everything that has happened was purposely planned so that you may find Him. He wants to show you that you can't do everything on your own, you need His help mum. And He WANTS to help you. He always have an open arm waiting for you to accept Him into your life. He is ready. The question is are you? I will be going to Heaven one day, where time is eternal and I want to see you there. But you will only be able to access Heaven if you are willing to give your life to God and let him take care of you. Mum, I'm sorry but no matter how good a person is, if they don't know God and is not willing to accept God as the Father, they are going to Hell. From this letter, I hope you understand how much I love you and how much this would mean to me for you to take Christ and place Him in the center of your life. If I had ONE wish in this lifetime, it'd be that you would finally come to meet the love of my life and fall as deeply in love with Him as I have, or even more. And that's Jesus.
Friday, June 4, 2010
I need some courage.
I'm not feeling too well at the moment. I mean, I am well but not? I think it's more my mental state of mind and how happy I am with my physical appearance rather than being "sick".
I don't know what to do. I don't know where to get the motivations from. Even if I'm motivated, I can't stay on track. I don't know why I am like this. I can start things but can't finish things. Why why whyyy??? I've realised that theres something that I love to do and benefit so much from it, but don't realise the good affect it has had because I actually enjoyed the activity so much. For example, reading! I hated to read before but now I love reading non-fiction books. Books that really inspires me and teach me something new. When I read I don't think of it as a chore so my grammar or literature to improve, instead I read because I just simply want to learn and find all the facts that I read very fascinating! I guess you can't be persistent if you don't enjoy what you do. You can start but you will lack motivation to finish it off. Likewise for exercise, I do it more for the benefits rather than for the enjoyment. I know I enjoy it but I want the benefit more. I think one thing I should start doing is to START doing something that I might like. I should start a new hobby. Something that I think I will enjoy doing. I hate how I don't even have that motivations or willingness to go to gym like a year ago. I was so fit, I went to gym everyday and loved every second of it. Although sometimes I get lazy, but as soon as I'm in the gym, I'm in it for good. I hardest part was GETTING to the gym, because it is so near, I can't make excuses. And as soon as I'm there, I give it my all. I couldn't even believe I even went when it was pouring rain. I was so committed and my body improved so much. I felt strong and tight. My skin glowed and I had tonnes of energy. I was so happy. Then after that, I don't know what happened. It's June now and I haven't exercised since March, and before March, I hadn't exercised since my sister's wedding in January. I really want to get back on track again but it's winter (and that is the BIGGEST excuse!). I really want to go for a run sometimes. I think I should do yoga. But then I'd need to join a gym so I can get my money worth by coming to the classes available, otherwise I'd have to pay like $15 for a single class else where. And that is how much I'd have to pay for my weekly gym membership anyway.
My physique has gone so bad that I don't even want to start over again. But the thing is, if I don't start, I will have to lose more fat down the road. My eating habit hasn't been too good either. I sometimes eat healthy, sometimes just give in to not-so-healthy food and other times I fast. It's like a big roller coaster and I don't think my body is liking it too much. Only if I fast while eat healthy in between then I think that should be good.
Oh actually I just have this thought popped in my mind. What I can do is to do a yoga class or even salsa. Something I will definitely find relaxing or enjoyable. Do this a few times a week. I should also fast one day a week and in between that I can just eat living food.
Sounds too easy to be true huh? But I feel like God is telling me that I'm making it too hard for myself. Things don't have to be complicated for it to work. Staying simple is the best way. And it is true that the food you eat is responsible for 80% of your image change, your health and result. Physical exercise is only 10% and your gene holds the other 10%. However, that 10% of physical exercise is so crucial. You can loose weight, loose some undesireable fat, but to really tone yourself, you'd need to MOVE and exercise!
I hate that word exercise lol. I hate it. Can't they change it to some other word that sounds less demanding. "EXERCISE" ergh! annoying lol. "Work-out" isn't too bad but still I'm so annoyed LOL. Oh God what is happening to Linh.
I just want to be feel how I felt before or even better. I want to feel energetic. I want to be able to feel my HARD stomach like before. I want to enjoy eating healthily. And always have to have vegetables with everything I eat. I miss those sweats that I loved. I miss that high I'd get after working out so damn hard. I just miss me looking after my body more.
I really don't know how to get there God.
Maybe you can help me out.
I don't know what to do. I don't know where to get the motivations from. Even if I'm motivated, I can't stay on track. I don't know why I am like this. I can start things but can't finish things. Why why whyyy??? I've realised that theres something that I love to do and benefit so much from it, but don't realise the good affect it has had because I actually enjoyed the activity so much. For example, reading! I hated to read before but now I love reading non-fiction books. Books that really inspires me and teach me something new. When I read I don't think of it as a chore so my grammar or literature to improve, instead I read because I just simply want to learn and find all the facts that I read very fascinating! I guess you can't be persistent if you don't enjoy what you do. You can start but you will lack motivation to finish it off. Likewise for exercise, I do it more for the benefits rather than for the enjoyment. I know I enjoy it but I want the benefit more. I think one thing I should start doing is to START doing something that I might like. I should start a new hobby. Something that I think I will enjoy doing. I hate how I don't even have that motivations or willingness to go to gym like a year ago. I was so fit, I went to gym everyday and loved every second of it. Although sometimes I get lazy, but as soon as I'm in the gym, I'm in it for good. I hardest part was GETTING to the gym, because it is so near, I can't make excuses. And as soon as I'm there, I give it my all. I couldn't even believe I even went when it was pouring rain. I was so committed and my body improved so much. I felt strong and tight. My skin glowed and I had tonnes of energy. I was so happy. Then after that, I don't know what happened. It's June now and I haven't exercised since March, and before March, I hadn't exercised since my sister's wedding in January. I really want to get back on track again but it's winter (and that is the BIGGEST excuse!). I really want to go for a run sometimes. I think I should do yoga. But then I'd need to join a gym so I can get my money worth by coming to the classes available, otherwise I'd have to pay like $15 for a single class else where. And that is how much I'd have to pay for my weekly gym membership anyway.
My physique has gone so bad that I don't even want to start over again. But the thing is, if I don't start, I will have to lose more fat down the road. My eating habit hasn't been too good either. I sometimes eat healthy, sometimes just give in to not-so-healthy food and other times I fast. It's like a big roller coaster and I don't think my body is liking it too much. Only if I fast while eat healthy in between then I think that should be good.
Oh actually I just have this thought popped in my mind. What I can do is to do a yoga class or even salsa. Something I will definitely find relaxing or enjoyable. Do this a few times a week. I should also fast one day a week and in between that I can just eat living food.
Sounds too easy to be true huh? But I feel like God is telling me that I'm making it too hard for myself. Things don't have to be complicated for it to work. Staying simple is the best way. And it is true that the food you eat is responsible for 80% of your image change, your health and result. Physical exercise is only 10% and your gene holds the other 10%. However, that 10% of physical exercise is so crucial. You can loose weight, loose some undesireable fat, but to really tone yourself, you'd need to MOVE and exercise!
I hate that word exercise lol. I hate it. Can't they change it to some other word that sounds less demanding. "EXERCISE" ergh! annoying lol. "Work-out" isn't too bad but still I'm so annoyed LOL. Oh God what is happening to Linh.
I just want to be feel how I felt before or even better. I want to feel energetic. I want to be able to feel my HARD stomach like before. I want to enjoy eating healthily. And always have to have vegetables with everything I eat. I miss those sweats that I loved. I miss that high I'd get after working out so damn hard. I just miss me looking after my body more.
I really don't know how to get there God.
Maybe you can help me out.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Future Fantastic
59 seconds or less
Thursday: Future Fantastic
Imagine my future turning out as well as it could be. Taking in account that I have worked hard and earned what I have achieved.
My life will be wonderful. With ups and downs but because I have God, He will work all things together for good and I know I will have such a bright future ahead of me. God will use me to bless others, and in turn, I will feel so amazingly fortunate to be apart of such great Kingdom, being used for God's purpose and to reach out to other people's lives.
I will work hard. My time will not be wasted on unnecessary things but would be spent on things that would contribute to my future career and calling.
If everything would go as well as I wanted it to, I'd see myself putting together 3 SPECTACULAR models for the graduation show this year. I wouldn't mind getting some awards. I see my models walking down in beautiful hand made outfits for the theme "Classic Remix". I see the crowd going wild as they take a glimpse of my great works. All glory goes to God for giving me such blessing.
I will be doing COUNTLESS photo shoots, while building up my portfolio. I see myself travelling worldwide, being hired by big runway shows to do the hair backstage. I will feel such honour to have those famous models walking down the catwalk with the hair done by "ME". My work will be published in VOGUE and BAZAAR. I will be asked to come on Ellen's show as well as Oprah.
I will make my family proud of the hard work I've been through, the determination and the willingness to success.
I'm going to work in a great salon. A salon with such pride in great work and customer service that it is always fully booked. I will have such a great time socialising with my clients and is more passionate about my job each and every day.
I will have a chance to travel, to see the world, to use my creativity and contribute to amazing works by talented photographers, models & make-up artists.
My future is so bright that I don't even know for sure how great things will be. What I can imagine happening now is only a piece of dust compare to what God has planned for my life. Everything that has happened to me is a blessing from God. I was born with nothing and now He has given me everything. I have nothing to complain about, but hope and faith that all that He wishes, shall become a reality, and it will be done.
My God is amazing and without Him I will not be the person I am today.
I know everything will work out perfectly fine even though things haven't been too smooth. God doesn't want me to settle for second best. Greater plans are out there for those who genuinely seek, but most of all, for those who put their trust in Him.
Thursday: Future Fantastic
Imagine my future turning out as well as it could be. Taking in account that I have worked hard and earned what I have achieved.
My life will be wonderful. With ups and downs but because I have God, He will work all things together for good and I know I will have such a bright future ahead of me. God will use me to bless others, and in turn, I will feel so amazingly fortunate to be apart of such great Kingdom, being used for God's purpose and to reach out to other people's lives.
I will work hard. My time will not be wasted on unnecessary things but would be spent on things that would contribute to my future career and calling.
If everything would go as well as I wanted it to, I'd see myself putting together 3 SPECTACULAR models for the graduation show this year. I wouldn't mind getting some awards. I see my models walking down in beautiful hand made outfits for the theme "Classic Remix". I see the crowd going wild as they take a glimpse of my great works. All glory goes to God for giving me such blessing.
I will be doing COUNTLESS photo shoots, while building up my portfolio. I see myself travelling worldwide, being hired by big runway shows to do the hair backstage. I will feel such honour to have those famous models walking down the catwalk with the hair done by "ME". My work will be published in VOGUE and BAZAAR. I will be asked to come on Ellen's show as well as Oprah.
I will make my family proud of the hard work I've been through, the determination and the willingness to success.
I'm going to work in a great salon. A salon with such pride in great work and customer service that it is always fully booked. I will have such a great time socialising with my clients and is more passionate about my job each and every day.
I will have a chance to travel, to see the world, to use my creativity and contribute to amazing works by talented photographers, models & make-up artists.
My future is so bright that I don't even know for sure how great things will be. What I can imagine happening now is only a piece of dust compare to what God has planned for my life. Everything that has happened to me is a blessing from God. I was born with nothing and now He has given me everything. I have nothing to complain about, but hope and faith that all that He wishes, shall become a reality, and it will be done.
My God is amazing and without Him I will not be the person I am today.
I know everything will work out perfectly fine even though things haven't been too smooth. God doesn't want me to settle for second best. Greater plans are out there for those who genuinely seek, but most of all, for those who put their trust in Him.
Okay.. unexpected changes...
Okay so right now I don't want to write too much. I just want to give an update of what have just happened the past.. hrm.. 1 - 2 hours or so ago.
Tomorrow test shot for Jewelery designer is apparently cancelled because the MUA is sick. So now we have to find one ASAP to do a shoot on a day before next wednesday. And for me the only available time I have is Saturday afternoon. I gave most of the MUA I know I call but no-picking-up or not available. Therefore I'm just hoping God will take charge of this and work something out.
Second of all. My sexy model Sam has cancelled ): so now I have to find someone else. I'm still indecisive about the female model. But more importantly, I still have no clue what I'm going to do with the hair, therefore I don't really know what kind of model I need!!!
God HELP!!! me!!!
Help Help Help..
Okay I need a break!
bye bye BLOG
Tomorrow test shot for Jewelery designer is apparently cancelled because the MUA is sick. So now we have to find one ASAP to do a shoot on a day before next wednesday. And for me the only available time I have is Saturday afternoon. I gave most of the MUA I know I call but no-picking-up or not available. Therefore I'm just hoping God will take charge of this and work something out.
Second of all. My sexy model Sam has cancelled ): so now I have to find someone else. I'm still indecisive about the female model. But more importantly, I still have no clue what I'm going to do with the hair, therefore I don't really know what kind of model I need!!!
God HELP!!! me!!!
Help Help Help..
Okay I need a break!
bye bye BLOG
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Life is wonderful.
Today was definitely a long day. However, I'm glad that I got my combine haircuts assessments out of the way. Thank you Jesus for just sorting things out although I did not plan any of them to come. Thank you for letting me do such a good job with both haircuts. Thank you Lord!
I felt a little restless today. But I'm okay. I'm just tired from the long day that's all. Oh MY GOSH! I just remembered that I have a colour theory assessment tomorrow haha. Well I will definitely get to that later on. For now I need my rest! I need to eat something too. But most importantly I need to bring my thoughts together for this blog. I know there are no followers right now, I am totally aware of that. BUT! This is why I like it.... for now. I like it because this is almost like a diary. I can access it anywhere & anytime. It's personal and no one knows about it. UNLESS they know the website, which they will then stalk me LOL.
I'm excited for the shoot tomorrow. I had to borrow the hot rollers from T&G. I need to invest in one real soon. But for now I think I should just borrow what I need. I'll spend the money when I really need it.
So, about the book I'm reading so far "50 seconds - Think a little Change a lot". It is an amazing book. Full of interesting studies and psychology stuff which I love! I love understanding how things work, why people associate the way they do. Just really fascinating things! I think I will gain A LOT from this.
I just like the end of the Introduction where it says "......Just like the expert engineer tapping the boiler, the techniques describe in this book demonstrates that effective changes does not have to be time-consuming. In fact it can take less than a minute and is often a question of knowing where to tap."
And there are countless of exercises in here that I find mind blowing yet very simple. It's so interesting!
Like these ideas below:
I felt a little restless today. But I'm okay. I'm just tired from the long day that's all. Oh MY GOSH! I just remembered that I have a colour theory assessment tomorrow haha. Well I will definitely get to that later on. For now I need my rest! I need to eat something too. But most importantly I need to bring my thoughts together for this blog. I know there are no followers right now, I am totally aware of that. BUT! This is why I like it.... for now. I like it because this is almost like a diary. I can access it anywhere & anytime. It's personal and no one knows about it. UNLESS they know the website, which they will then stalk me LOL.
I'm excited for the shoot tomorrow. I had to borrow the hot rollers from T&G. I need to invest in one real soon. But for now I think I should just borrow what I need. I'll spend the money when I really need it.
So, about the book I'm reading so far "50 seconds - Think a little Change a lot". It is an amazing book. Full of interesting studies and psychology stuff which I love! I love understanding how things work, why people associate the way they do. Just really fascinating things! I think I will gain A LOT from this.
I just like the end of the Introduction where it says "......Just like the expert engineer tapping the boiler, the techniques describe in this book demonstrates that effective changes does not have to be time-consuming. In fact it can take less than a minute and is often a question of knowing where to tap."
And there are countless of exercises in here that I find mind blowing yet very simple. It's so interesting!
Like these ideas below:
- Could materialism cause low self esteem ? Or is it the other way around?
- Buy experience, NOT Goods
- 'Tis better to give, than receive
- And how Happiness is a Pencil! People tend to experience their emotions associated with their expressions
- What does not work is to motivate people with the promise of the reward. Hrm.... Interesting!
- For interviews: Open up yourself by letting out your weaknesses at the beginning of the interview. This gives your credibility a boost.
- Choose the midway ;)
- The Franklin affect: counter intuitive route to likeability. People like you more when they carry out a small favour for you
- People develop a special fondness of other people, objects and statement if they were introduced to them when eating a meal
- Every penny helps: + RED BOX
AND MUCH MUCH MORE lol.....
---------------------------------
In 59 seconds or less
Wednesday: Terrific time
Think about one of the greatest experience in your life.
I know there was something really special but can't catch a thought on that. I don't know. I think it was the time in China going to see Hang Zhao. We visited this beautiful garden and lake and oh, how peaceful I felt. I was imagining if this was heaven, although I know heaven would be much much more beautiful. That feeling I had was really indescribable. I felt as though I was connecting with nature and spirit through my heart. I could sense the tranquility. I could imagine myself sitting there, watching the view all day long. It was breathtaking, so beautiful and relaxing. So calm, surreal almost. It was beautiful.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Truly blessed.
When you hunger for more, you will receive more. When you hunger for God, He will fill you.
God is opening up the door for me. I know he hasn't forsaken me. I know He heard me when I cried and yelled out for him. I know He did.
How fortunate do I feel having all this happening right before my eyes. I can not even believe these things are happening. And all this happened after me fasting for 1 and a half day? If this is what God has delivered for such effort, how much more will He reward those who are faithful and truly sacrifice their physical Hunger for God's words? Like last time. Right on the first morning that I fasted, God have rewarded me with loads of Label M products to start of my session work and photoshoot. And this was out of the blue. It happened after I did the presentation for Angie at Paddington. I feel so blessed. I'm so happy for His great love. I'm so happy and joyous that He has heard my prayers. I know more are to be revealed and this makes me fast even more because I've got so many things to see. God wants to show me things that I will be so impressed and shocked if I find out.
This opportunity, I believe will be a great one. Working along side with Jaimie Sortino, Delta Goodrem's favourite designer. WOW. His work is amazing. I'm just imagining how beautiful and spectacular those photos will turn out and the great exposure I will get. All because of God's goddness.
http://twitter.com/jaimie_sortino/favori
-----------------------
In 59 seconds or less:
Tuesday: Thanksgiving
Looking at the past few weeks, three things that I'm thankful for:
1, For the amazing Xiao Wei. She is the angel of the most highest. The most beautiful person ever. She has inspired me to be so much more. To love God and share God to everyone. I'm thankful for her sweet text every morning, always of encouraging words and uplifting spirit. Bless her.
2, For the opportunities I've had through Model Mayhem and countless of upcoming photo-shoots. God is so good!
3, For my family. The fact that they are still together. We still have a business. They may fight sometimes but I know all things work together for good. Everything happens for a reason and God will use every little circumstances in my life to shape me, mould me and bring about the future that he'd planned for me to have, which will be a magnificient.
Here on my bed once again.
So.... I don't know if this is bad news but I definitely think it isn't good.
All afternoon, I've had this crazy fight in my head. Now I've realised that it was probably Satan fighting over the God in me.
I honestly have never felt the way I did in so long. I actually don't even remember the last time I felt this restless and tired. My mind and body seems like they're out of function. I decided to get some fruits and still continue on this 7 day fast as one of those "Daniel's fast" where you partially fast off everything else but can still have fruits and vegetables. Then, after a while, I don't know why, my energy was still right. I decided to have food. At this moment, I know my stomach is full, and I will be physically satisfied for a while, but honestly, my mind and the real craving for God is still there. Now I understand. I finally understand. If you are willing, God's words will win all.
I was just not willing to take the extra mile. I'm not going to make excuses, but it was much much harder than the last time that I did the 3 days fast. At least now I can learn from this lesson. Besides, I know God understands and I know everything happens for a reason and Jesus work all things together for good, no matter what silly mistakes/ decisions you've made.
I will not stop trying. I will start again, this time around, I will be much stronger and ready.
I know for a fact that God has already planned the right salon for me to work at. He has already planned another job for me to get a good income from. He has mapped out all of my future, including the overseas travelling dates, when I'm going uni, what happens at the end of the year & the new me.
I trust in him and is forever thankful for this life.
Mistakes are not mistakes if you can learn from them.
And yes that's right. I bought 2 new books today. Can't wait to read them:
( I just love that basement bookstore in Central. They've got amazing prices and I can sit and read all day long!)
All afternoon, I've had this crazy fight in my head. Now I've realised that it was probably Satan fighting over the God in me.
I honestly have never felt the way I did in so long. I actually don't even remember the last time I felt this restless and tired. My mind and body seems like they're out of function. I decided to get some fruits and still continue on this 7 day fast as one of those "Daniel's fast" where you partially fast off everything else but can still have fruits and vegetables. Then, after a while, I don't know why, my energy was still right. I decided to have food. At this moment, I know my stomach is full, and I will be physically satisfied for a while, but honestly, my mind and the real craving for God is still there. Now I understand. I finally understand. If you are willing, God's words will win all.
I was just not willing to take the extra mile. I'm not going to make excuses, but it was much much harder than the last time that I did the 3 days fast. At least now I can learn from this lesson. Besides, I know God understands and I know everything happens for a reason and Jesus work all things together for good, no matter what silly mistakes/ decisions you've made.
I will not stop trying. I will start again, this time around, I will be much stronger and ready.
I know for a fact that God has already planned the right salon for me to work at. He has already planned another job for me to get a good income from. He has mapped out all of my future, including the overseas travelling dates, when I'm going uni, what happens at the end of the year & the new me.
I trust in him and is forever thankful for this life.
Mistakes are not mistakes if you can learn from them.
And yes that's right. I bought 2 new books today. Can't wait to read them:
( I just love that basement bookstore in Central. They've got amazing prices and I can sit and read all day long!)
2nd day. Finding it very hard.
And now it has only been the 2nd day of my fasting. I'm so hungry. I feel so low and tired. But I know I'm doing this for a good cause. My stomach is rumbling like never before and I'm craving for God's trength and Word for my soul. I just really needed to get some juice this morning for my energy so I had an apple and ginger juice. I needed it and thank God for the goodness it has had for me.
I don't know what to think at this moment. Maybe I'm jsut a bit tired and restless. I really want to just be by myself and relax somewhere. Somewhere but not home. At a cafe might be nice but then I'm not eating or drinking coffee so why would I tempt myself by going there. I just want God's guidance so much. I need him to show me which way to go. I've applied at SO MANY places on Seek last night and is hoping every second that God will deliver me with a good job that can support my career finacially. I'm still clueless about where I'm going to work for hairdressing, and that's one of the reason that pushes me to stay on track on this fasting. I just need to hear God! God I know you've blessed me with countless of opportunities to pursue my dreams. And thank you for allowing me to use my gift, given from you to bring about beauty in physical, visible form. I know I will be so successful in the future and that you will use me to bless others. But for now I just really need to see a little glimpse of my path. Please just light up my next step in this dark world. Prophesy over me God. Really tell me what it is that you want done in my life. Above all, let your will be done.
And last but not least, please Jesus, give me energy, give me strength. I don't know why I'm finding it so hard at this stage. Maybe the toxin is being released out of my body. And to achieve that healthy internal body, I need to withstand this process.
Bless me Lord.
Please God.
I don't know what to think at this moment. Maybe I'm jsut a bit tired and restless. I really want to just be by myself and relax somewhere. Somewhere but not home. At a cafe might be nice but then I'm not eating or drinking coffee so why would I tempt myself by going there. I just want God's guidance so much. I need him to show me which way to go. I've applied at SO MANY places on Seek last night and is hoping every second that God will deliver me with a good job that can support my career finacially. I'm still clueless about where I'm going to work for hairdressing, and that's one of the reason that pushes me to stay on track on this fasting. I just need to hear God! God I know you've blessed me with countless of opportunities to pursue my dreams. And thank you for allowing me to use my gift, given from you to bring about beauty in physical, visible form. I know I will be so successful in the future and that you will use me to bless others. But for now I just really need to see a little glimpse of my path. Please just light up my next step in this dark world. Prophesy over me God. Really tell me what it is that you want done in my life. Above all, let your will be done.
And last but not least, please Jesus, give me energy, give me strength. I don't know why I'm finding it so hard at this stage. Maybe the toxin is being released out of my body. And to achieve that healthy internal body, I need to withstand this process.
Bless me Lord.
Please God.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Hunger is nothing to me. God's blessing is everything!
Just checked my gmail, and there are tonnes of new emails. I'm so excited for all of these photo shoots that are coming up! I'm so pumped!! I don't even care about the hunger anymore. I am hungry, but more for God's words than for actual food.
I'm overwhelmed!
I'm just so overwhelmed by the amount of replies I've received from people on Model Mayhem in regards to my casting calls. I feel so fortunate and blessed that these people found my work great and amazing. I will give no other people credit than to God himself for guiding me through all of these process and allow me to create such wonderful, breathtaking works.
I really feel like my vision is becoming reality. Everything, I mean. I want to be on Vogue or Bazaar and the possibility is definitely out there. In fact, I had one offer from a model who is working with a new Jewelery Designer. She asked if I could do the hair which includes 12 different shots for 12 different jewel pieces. The designer is thinking of advertising her ad on Vogue if the price is reasonable. So there THAT'S ONE! Another guy who is a body painter, whose work is absolutely amazing, have had his work published in Bazaar, and he have asked me to collaborate with him this coming long weekend. I mean, is this a coincidence? Definitely not. I believe that the higher you aim, the better fruit you will reap. Besides, you can't just have a vision and a "want" and expect for it to come and reveals itself to you. You would really have to believe with all of your heart that it will happen. Trust in God's voice and direction and He will lead you to some amazing people that can potentially change your life. He himself have already set out a map for your life. You just need to choose which path you want to take. I really feel fortunate. My God is so good to me.
----------------------------
1st day of Fasting.
Monday 31st May.
I really feel like my vision is becoming reality. Everything, I mean. I want to be on Vogue or Bazaar and the possibility is definitely out there. In fact, I had one offer from a model who is working with a new Jewelery Designer. She asked if I could do the hair which includes 12 different shots for 12 different jewel pieces. The designer is thinking of advertising her ad on Vogue if the price is reasonable. So there THAT'S ONE! Another guy who is a body painter, whose work is absolutely amazing, have had his work published in Bazaar, and he have asked me to collaborate with him this coming long weekend. I mean, is this a coincidence? Definitely not. I believe that the higher you aim, the better fruit you will reap. Besides, you can't just have a vision and a "want" and expect for it to come and reveals itself to you. You would really have to believe with all of your heart that it will happen. Trust in God's voice and direction and He will lead you to some amazing people that can potentially change your life. He himself have already set out a map for your life. You just need to choose which path you want to take. I really feel fortunate. My God is so good to me.
----------------------------
1st day of Fasting.
Monday 31st May.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
First day.
So you might ask why I have started a blog. I've been wondering that myself. I guess I just want to keep track of my journey. I believe amazing things will happen very soon and I want to document every step of my way reaching to that destination God has planned for me.
I'm thinking: Is this too risky? For me to actually start something SO personal and let the whole world see? So many "what if" questions are popping up in my mind, but you know what? At the end of the day, I faithfully think that someday, someone's life will change, because of the following content within this blog.
Life is truly wonderful. I feel so blessed and church was amazing today. Although thinking about the fact that my own mother does not even know about or accept my belief is a very sad thing. I know one day, just one day... she will finally feel how I feel & fall in love like the way I fell in love with Him. Mum deserves so much more. More than my dad. But I guess my dad is my dad and if they didn't marry, I wouldn't be here today. Above all that's been happening, personally, socially & publically, one thing will always remain the same: I have a God who loves me, who cares for me, pours out his favours & is using me for a great purpose in His Kingdom.
I'm still on my search for the understanding to those "things" in my life. What does He want me to do? Who does He want me to marry? When will my family know God? When does He want me to travel? Do mission work? Go uni? Work? Get a job? ... ect...
The list goes on and on...
One of the book that has inpired me so much lately is called "Fasting" by Jentezen Franklin which encourages you to fast to really reach your full potential. Because only when you fast, will you be able to unlock that mystery you've longed to get wisdom for. I went a 3 days fast last week, and I got to say it was pretty amazing. I'm a type who loves to eat, I mean LOVES to eat, and if I see what I like, then I will probably eat it. What amazes me was the fact that I did not even feel hungry until the 2nd night or the 3rd morning. I just wanted to drink water and read God's words. I just want a revelation, an anointing, an understanding to my life! My future! I've never fasted before, that's why I decided to take on a 3 days challenge first, I think I will start another 7 days one really soon. . .
Actually, even tomorrow. Yes, maybe.
I mean. How bad do I want "this"? I want to really understand His vision for my life. I want His help to get me a job ASAP! I need Him to tell me which salon He wants me to work at! I thank Him for constantly inspiring me to be so much more and bringing talented people into my life and allow me to work with such wonderful individual.
Okay so ! YOU ARE DOING IT! 7 DAYS FAST starting from TOMOROW!
This is not cheating into getting your wills accomplished, but it's a reasonable service to show God that your top priority is Him.
----------------------
On a random note: I feel like God is telling me to "take risks" during the church service today. . . hrm.... taking risks.... taking risks.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)