Don't know what to think.
Don't know what to do.
I just want to go to the House of God and be surrounded by beautiful individuals who will give me serenity & peace. My connect group. I miss them. I want to be surrounded by your people God. I need inspiration to start a new beginning. You know what I need God. You really do. Please please grant me a good start, the enjoyment of the process and an amazing finish result. Why do I feel restless? Is it because of the food I ate? Is it because of the rain? Is it because there are a million things that has changed which caused me to worry?
I don't want to think about problems of tomorrow. I don't want to think about anything right now. But at the same time, I can't help it but prepare for tomorrow's shoot and the models for my graduation. I'll just do it tomorrow. I'll look for the models tomorrow. Do I need sleep? But I don't want to sleep right now, although I know if I decide to sleep I will fall asleep in no time.
I just thought I'd do the
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Friday: Dear.....
Think about someone very important to you and write a letter to that person. Imagine you only have one opportunity to tell that person how important they are to you and the impact they have had on your life.
Dear Mum,
I don't know if you are ever going to read this or even understand what I'm writing here. I think there will be a day when you will get to see this.
I just want to say how thankful I am to have you in my life. I love you so much and you are such a strong person. I'm glad your my mother because I've learnt so much from you. You've been through so much and believe me, good things did come out of it, and it's the fact that you've shaped me into the person that I am. I am able to bless others because of the things you've taught me through your broken relationship with Dad. I love your strength and how you can cope with all things no matter how great. I admire how you are able to stand up for yourself and not let others take advantage of you. I love how you are strong enough to show people that your emotional side may be weak but your mind and willingness is strong. I can not even comprehend how much you have achieved ever since the day you set foot into Australia. You always make sure we have enough to eat, to drink. You always try your best to provide us with what our friends had. I know your dream is to have Dad here, to own a business, a car and a nice house. You've got the first three and now you're working towards the final dream, which is an amazingly cosy, lovely big house with a beautiful backyard. Trust me mum, you will receive it in no time. I know I may be a little impatient with you sometimes and I tend to yell when I'm frustrated but it's because I feel so comfortable talking to you that I'm able to express my all my feelings. Unlike dad, I feel quite scared of him. I love him dearly too, but I feel like there's a wall between him and all of us. I know he loves me but he just doesn't really invest his time to get to know us better or ask us about our days. I don't like asking him for favours because it seems like I'm asking him to do me a big task. Even asking him to make me food is difficult for me. But you, you are so great mum. I know you're tired but you still care for us. If we're sick, you make sure we have medicine, adequate rest and is willing to do whatever it takes to reduce the work load off our shoulder. You would come to my room every night after you come up from work to just sit down and listen to any update I might have in my day. I love how I can tell you pretty much anything because I want you to trust me that's why I think it's best if I open up and not leave things hidden..
However there is something so great, so important that I wish I had the gut to tell you but I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of hurting you, I'm afraid of losing you, I'm afraid of things never going to be the same. I wish God will give me the will to open this conversation to you. I know you'll never approve of this, but it is not your approval that I'm seeking, it is your acceptance. Before I tell you this, I just want to let you know that you have raised me up really well and I'm old enough to make my own decisions now, especially when it comes to career path, love and personal belief. I've been keeping this from you for way too long, but Mum, ever since this had happened to me, I'm a totally different person. It is the fact that I'm a Christian and I've been going to Church. I'm a Christian for so long now. It's almost 6 years. I've been going to church really regularly as well and I love it. I love God and I believe in him. Because of my belief, I was able to conquer all the hurt, fear, and problems that have occurred in our family. There were times that I was so low, so down, I cried to sleep from hearing you and dad fight that my last resort was to go to my One and Only God for help. Each and every time I pray and talk to Him, He'd comfort me, heal me and reassure me that everything will be okay. He tells me that you will come to believe Him one day. That you will love him the same way I've always had. My wish mum, is for you to find that true love that I found. I know dad wasn't able to provide you that for the past few years, and I know for a fact that if you get to know Jesus, you will be in peace for the rest of your life. All you have to do is accept that He died for you on the cross so that all your sins shall be forgiven and He will bless you and give you a new life. You just need to have faith and believe that He will now be your provider & shelter. He will be the roof to cover you from the rain. He will heal your wounded heart. He will give you everything you need for an amazing life that He had planned for you long ago. Your life was not an accident. Your marriage not either. Everything that has happened was purposely planned so that you may find Him. He wants to show you that you can't do everything on your own, you need His help mum. And He WANTS to help you. He always have an open arm waiting for you to accept Him into your life. He is ready. The question is are you? I will be going to Heaven one day, where time is eternal and I want to see you there. But you will only be able to access Heaven if you are willing to give your life to God and let him take care of you. Mum, I'm sorry but no matter how good a person is, if they don't know God and is not willing to accept God as the Father, they are going to Hell. From this letter, I hope you understand how much I love you and how much this would mean to me for you to take Christ and place Him in the center of your life. If I had ONE wish in this lifetime, it'd be that you would finally come to meet the love of my life and fall as deeply in love with Him as I have, or even more. And that's Jesus.
