:) It can only be from God...

Today has been a really great day. 

Even though things weren't going as well, but I had so much joy inside of me that no matter what was happening around me, I was still able to keep a positive mindset :)

It took me a while to find the bus and stuff to get to Pyrmont but I got there eventually. It was SOOOOO RELAXING just walking around in the morning, chilling, having a cup of soy latte, sitting outdoor and writing out my goals. I love walking seriously. I love seeing and watching people and the things God made. 

And Oh my Lord, how I loooooooovvvveeeeeeeeeee every lunch hour I get to spend at that Paddington Reserve. It's so relaxing and the weather has always been so beautiful. It's like my time with God. It's so wonderful!!

I thought I did terrible with the two haircuts today but surprisingly I passed on the vertical layer. I seriously don't know HOW and WHY I deserve to pass. The transient length was horrible. Full stop. haha.

I just found out that I will be working at World Square on 26th October :) TUessdayyy. LOL I can't believe I got it. I'm so happy to be working there. I've always wanted to be based in that salon and it's amazing how God made it possible for me even though they didn't need me when I applied initially. 

Well everything is under God's control. It's not my timing but his timing. God is great. He is great and truly a blessing to me. I love him and thank him for everyday. I thank him for all the blessings that He will pour out onto me especially in regards to my love life.

Okay I'm like extremeeeeeelllyyy SLEEPY right now. xx night night Jesus

Sadness.....

:(

I'm so sad right now.....

I can't think straight. Too many things I need to do and take care of. I don't know anymore. I really don't. I just want to relax and get away from everything. I want to be with God and not have to worry about anything. But I can't. Life isn't that easy. Life has it's ups and downs and constant troubles. I need to attach myself as close to God as possible. Only in him will I find peace. Only in magnifying him will my worries and troubles lessen and diminish. I'm going to answer a few questions that I've set out and this will direct my actions from now onwards.

1. What are some of the things causes me worries and stress at the moment?

• My family situation: mum and dad
• My little sister: talking rudely and not having respect for me
• My cousin Kevin who was admitted to hospital
• My look
• scissors that needs sharpening
• Hairdressing portfolio

2. Which of these things are within my control and which of these are NOT. What can I do about those things that us under my control? And how can I minimize the worries and stress of the ones that are not?

• My family is out of my control. I can not do anything about it besides praying. I shoul not put unnecessary responsibility on my shoulder such as taking care of mum or little sis because even though it is important, it is not that big of a deal. I should live my life to the fullest by doing what I enjoy most and trust in God to solve the problems around me. The outcome will be based upon my attitude and level of positivity. And that will also determine the level of contentment of the final results.

• My sister's attitude is out of my control. All I can do is do what God would do: persistence, encouragement, love and kind words. I should remember to do this no matter how bad she is acting.

• The way I look is IN my control. I can determine the way I look by eating cleanly and perform regular physical exercise activities. I should write out a goal and step by step actions to achieve what I want. I also need to establish the reasons I want to do this so thar when I am side-tracked I can have a good enough reason to push me forward.

• Kevin : he is not in my control and only Gid is able to bring healings. I need to stay faithful and keep on praying!!!

• Portfolio: I DO have the control to finish this off. It's due this coming week and I need to get it done asap. I should be looking over everything tonight and plan out what else I need to gather the information for. Start do what's important and not waste my time ib stupid, time-wasting activities eg,Facebook, YouTube.

• My scissors: I forgot this at Pasdington so I don't know how it shall be done. Unless I come at 9 then go to Pyrmont to sharpen the scissors. I should get back before the 2nd appointment.



•

The devil is attacking me

I don't understand. And I shouldn't be anyway right?

I'm just hurt... again. Life is so hard to live. My life can literally be graphed on an exponential graph to demonstrate how extreme things have gotten lately. It seems as though every time God blesses me with something. The Devil comes in and bring my spirit down by destroying things around me. Just now, I got attitude from my sister. It hurts me so much. I don't want to scream or hit her and it hurts to see her yelling, not listening, walking away while I'm talking or mumbling under her breath, or worst of all, walk away and say "far out, how annoying" and I know it's towards me whether or not she admits it. Yesterday morning, I found out that my sister is pregnant, that was one good news. Then came a terrible incident. Kevin, my 10 month old cousin got burnt and was admitted to Westmead Children's Hospital. It's so heart breaking to see his face , arm and neck like that. I wanted to cry. Looking at his innocent eyes, he doesn't know anything and still is a cute little baby. They gave him anesthetics so he couldn't feel the pain. It's so horrible and I've decided to fast and pray for him today. It's so hard.

Similar to the other times when I got offered to recreate one of my look from graduation by Dennis. That was a great news, following that was how my entry didn't arrive for Wella Trend Vision which broke my heart. Then when I got the scholarship for Vardering, my family started having problems, major ones and my parents got a divorce which mentally affected so much with my progress. I forgot my scissors at Paddington so I don't know how I'm going to get it sharpened in the morning. I need to put some money in the bank which I did (from mum's account) but it takes around 2 days to process. I need to use that money to buy a new scissors. I really need it asap because it's been putting me down so much.

My heart just really hurt right now. Yes I need to get away, I need to get outside. I'm thinking if I should go to the 12pm service. Maybe I should so at least I can go outside and enjoy the sunshine. I need to clean my clothes on the bed as well and just organise my room a bit better. I'm feeling really hungry right now but I'm not going to eat. I was sleeping and even during my state of subconsciousness, whenever hunger pops in my mind, I think about Kevin and asked God to protect and be with Him. Today feels like a mourning period. I need to see Judith, the pastor. I think she's pastor Brian's sister. I don't know, but I don't really feel like talking to anyone at the moment. Where do I start honestly. My life can go on and on and on. I'm just so stressed, so hurt, I just want to cry. My face feels so stretched and uncomfortable, my lips feel dry, my throat feels dehydrated. my mind is like compressed. On top of that, I don't even know what to do with the Portfolio that's due this week. And I'm terribly unhappy with how I look. I just want to lock myself up in a cell.

It's been so hard for me, and I know I should not allow the circumstances to judge my faith. My heart hurts so much. I just want to cry :( I just want to get away!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to get awayyyyyy LORDD!!!!!!! AWAYYYYY

AWAYYYYY

AWAYYYYY

I don't want to talk to anyone

I don't want to see anyone

I just want to be by myself

I hate how I look

and yet, I don't even do anything about it?

I'm so terrible