Today at work, things were okay. For some reason after I finished I felt really ... content? Not happy, just satisfied and a deep joy. I had a few regulars and I had really good time talking to them. Or some were new but I had good convos with them as well. I thank God for everything. I can't do anything without him.
I have a few things in mind at the moment.
Number 1: It's been 6 months that I've been working there now so I'm just wondering if my boss will remember to pay me normal from this week onwards.
Number 2: Health. I don't know why but although my mind is willing, my body is not. I know what I should be doing but I don't do it. I feel like I don't have enough motivation to do what I've always wanted to achieve, and it's FIVE weeks till I leave, which ISN'T much to tell you the truth. I just want to be toned, fit and healthy and LOVE the way I look. I want to be able to be happy with who I am and super confident and not having to hide anything. Especially when it's going to be summer there as well, and since it will be quite stuffy and humid, I can not hide myself behind pants/jeans and sleeve shirts all the time!! I want to be able to wear normal clothes and FEEL comfortable in them! I want to feel good! I want to feel NORMAL!!! :( I don't know why this has been such a big problem for me for like 8/9 years now. But one thing I know is that, no matter how hard things may be, they all happen for good and I know I will give God more glory if I can pull through this and reach to the other side.
There are several other things that's been on my mind as well. I wouldn't call it worrying, but some concerns... or maybe just commitments that I have right now.
Besides work, I've been taking Italian lessons on the side twice a week with Andrea. He's really good and I'm seriously considering learning it properly. (My mind is so crowded right now and the sooner I write down everything, the sooner I will feel better otherwise I will be stressed out and can not go to sleep restfully!!). Apart from that Interior Designing has been a little difficult in that, I can't seem to have time. Most of the time after work I get really tired so I just leave it till the next day and so on, but I know I should make time for it if I want it bad enough. God also gave me some ideas that I should take on but unfortunately it doesn't seem like they will happen :( I hate it when that happens. I get so excited about the idea and then I don't even end up doing anything about it :( I hate it! Apart from that, for the past 2 days, I haven't been getting a really good sleep because Ethan's been crying all throughout the night and I would wake up like 5 times. I've been worrying about my health and trying to find a way of taking lessons so I'm starting to re-read "Captivating" hoping that Jesus would speak to me about TRUE beauty. I was just reading a book called "Time, Money and happiness" as well and I really wanted to finish it (because I don't like leaving things half way, or not completing it) but I just decided to visit it later on down the track. I'm such a hyprocrite. I tell myself that I don't like doing certain thing, but I always ending up doing it. OR NOT doing it. I hate doing things half way and not finishing, but why do I always do that??? It annoys me soooooo baddddddd. I can think of so many instances where that has happened. Like GYM, like Interior Designing, like Nursing, like reading, like exercising, like TRYING to eat right, like committing myself to NOT buy junk food, like eating raw, like - - - - - more and more and more and more and more things!!!
BUT WHYYYYY DO I HAVE TO HOLD THAT CHARACTERISTICCC??? WHYYYYYYYYYY
WHYYY MEEEE...
WHY AM I LIKE THAT..??
I WANT TO BE BETTER !
I WANT TO BE BETTER AND NOT BE A QUITTER!
I WANT TO RUN TO WIN THE RACE, NOT JUST TO COMPLETE IT!
:( I feel sad even though there's peace....maybe there is isn't anymore. My heart feel stirred... more like disturbed!
God when will you ever help me with my image problem. I know you hear me but WHAT DO I DOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
