I'm tired... & still no model

God, what do you want me to do?

Are you testing my faith because I really believe that this is something you want me to do. I know you will deliver me with the model that I've always needed. I have literally one and half day left to finalise my decision of either to keep the shooting date or to cancel it altogether. I will be disappointed if this can't go on because I've put so much effort and energy into this. But at the end of the day it is your will, not mine. I want what you want but I will try my best to accomplish everything I believe is right.

Jesus just help me in everything. Please, just help me. Please just help me!!! I need help to study as well. I need help with interior design and doing all the assignment.

This detox thing is going well. I just hope I'm able to complete the whole journey WELL!

Anyways I'm really tired right now and I have work all weekend :(

The more I think about work, the more it makes me.... sad.. I know I shouldn't be but I mean, I really need the money but the pay is so terrible. Like for what we do, it's extremely bad :( Being a cafe waitress would pay more honestly. Working in retail would get paid more. Cleaners would get more.I guess it's only the beginning? But somehow I don't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. It's a hobby, not really my profession....

Quite sick of life. Just want to get away. Just want to travel elsewhere. Save up and go Europe for a few months. But I can't. I would need to resign and the renew my contract which I DON'T want. I don't want to have to rebuild my clientelle from scratch all over again. My joy for hairdressing is slowly dying. I know... "already"! I mean I love what I do, but I feel so much pressure in meeting my target and stuff. Like I know I've done it before so I expect myself to do just as well these coming weeks. But I've been getting really few clients. And it seems like when I come to work, I don't really feel like working. I sometime I hope that I don't get any client. That's really bad right??

So sick of everything. So sick of always working and staying at home. But then I want to work more for money. Even though I know I shouldn't. God wants me to rest as well, and I need to respect that.

I think I need more faith

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about an hour ago ·  ·  · Share


Today I met up with Jo, and it was a good chat. It's always good having a talk with him. I really admire him. He is very bright and brave. He is a risk taker and a faithful servant of God. He also enjoys life the way God would like him to. Overall these past few weeks have been really intense for me especially when I have lots of commitments to take care of. Namely: the interior design assignments/tutorials, looking for model for Wella Trend, hitting my retail so I can earn some more commission, saving up for my airfare, doing a good job at work without any complaints.

I mean it has been really hard on me emotionally, mentally AND physically, seeing as though I haven't been able to get sleep. I get extremely tired and sleepy but my brain just doesn't shut down. Every time I listen to TD Jakes sermon called "Worried" I always start to tear up, because it really speaks what my heart feels. I get sleep but I don't get any rest. I was so frustrated last night. I could not even get a proper sleep and this morning I woke up late so gym was out of the option. Fortunately, even after the dinner with Jo, I still managed to go home and do BR work out called "SIX PACK ABS 2011" Workout. I'm so happy to know that I have such tools to aid me in this journey of becoming physically healthier.

Anyways, Jo told me to keep my faith up and believe that it will happen. He asked me to pray for his interview to get his Australian citizen as well and I TRULY BELIEVE THAT HE WILL GET IT. Just because I feel like THIS IS THE LAND that God wants to plant him in. He is doing extremely well.

Tomorrow is my day off and I'm SO GLAD. I have many things lined up and I hope I can make the most out of my day and that includes cleaning my room and wash dishes. I need to go and have a consultation with the natural therapist regarding my sleeping pattern and my irregular menstruation cycle. I would like to come to the connect group tomorrow night with the girls as well. And I need not forget the tutorial 5 that I need to study for.

AND gymmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm :))))))) AND sweat sweat sweat!!!

x