God, what do you want me to do?
Are you testing my faith because I really believe that this is something you want me to do. I know you will deliver me with the model that I've always needed. I have literally one and half day left to finalise my decision of either to keep the shooting date or to cancel it altogether. I will be disappointed if this can't go on because I've put so much effort and energy into this. But at the end of the day it is your will, not mine. I want what you want but I will try my best to accomplish everything I believe is right.
Jesus just help me in everything. Please, just help me. Please just help me!!! I need help to study as well. I need help with interior design and doing all the assignment.
This detox thing is going well. I just hope I'm able to complete the whole journey WELL!
Anyways I'm really tired right now and I have work all weekend :(
The more I think about work, the more it makes me.... sad.. I know I shouldn't be but I mean, I really need the money but the pay is so terrible. Like for what we do, it's extremely bad :( Being a cafe waitress would pay more honestly. Working in retail would get paid more. Cleaners would get more.I guess it's only the beginning? But somehow I don't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. It's a hobby, not really my profession....
Quite sick of life. Just want to get away. Just want to travel elsewhere. Save up and go Europe for a few months. But I can't. I would need to resign and the renew my contract which I DON'T want. I don't want to have to rebuild my clientelle from scratch all over again. My joy for hairdressing is slowly dying. I know... "already"! I mean I love what I do, but I feel so much pressure in meeting my target and stuff. Like I know I've done it before so I expect myself to do just as well these coming weeks. But I've been getting really few clients. And it seems like when I come to work, I don't really feel like working. I sometime I hope that I don't get any client. That's really bad right??
So sick of everything. So sick of always working and staying at home. But then I want to work more for money. Even though I know I shouldn't. God wants me to rest as well, and I need to respect that.
