A sad 21st..

Today was meant to be a good day.
I'm so attacked! I'm so overly attacked!
Devil!!!!! What are you trying to do to me???
I hate you! I hate you! I rebuke you. I welcome Jesus and I rebuke the spirit of negativity.

Why???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Why do I have to feel the way I do today, on this day??

Why am I finding my happiness in others? Isn't that a good thing that I want ppl to be happy???
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Why is it that I place so much of my joy in other people's hands. Why can't I be firm with myself and love me for me!!! and not of people's approval of me????

I'm sad. I'm so sad. I'm really sad. Why???? I know I shouldn't say why but I still do!!!!

No one understands me. I can't talk to anyone. There are certain someone but they have a partner and I don't feel right robbing their time.

I know I'm here now for a reason. Perhaps God is preparing me for a bigger future.

The devil is fighting over me so bad!!! Like I'm in one body but pulled to either sides at the same time. I'm crying because of the hurt and at the same time speaking God's words to myself for affirmation.

Why does it have to happen??

Why is he attacking me so much???

Why is my identity shaken.


Out of everyone I know, who greeted me happy birthday? 0.2% literally or less.

There was really nothing special about today besides the fact that I'm older.

Nothing special, especially when mum didn't fully enjoy herself. How she complained about how bad certain service, food is. It doesn't make me happy at all. She should have hide it inside.

People are starting to text me now to greet me happy birthday. It's almost 11pm. I'd say it's pretty late. They don't mean anything to me anymore.

Thinking about those that I care about, gave things to, thinking that they're my sister in Christ. Not even a word.

It's like the world don't even know I exist besides a few. Maybe only a few actually counts.

But I'm depressed. And in all honesty, despite the laughter and stuff, my day was crap, more so my night was crap.

Never felt so low in any of my birthday ever before. and it has to happen on my 21st.

Why is it that all these attacks come after such a great blessing.

God's been blessing me so much and here I am all depressed once again and I haven't been like this for a while. I've been trying so hard to get rid of these feelings and they're coming back to me...

God, I don't know what else to say but Help Me!!! :(((

Help.....
Please :((

Realities relationships #8 Pastor Paula White -12/3/11

Fresh anointing is coming. God is putting people in my life to bring me into another level.
Promotion is coming.

God's gifts and callings are irrevocable.
The only person who can forfeit God's calling for you is YOU.
Miscarriage & Abortion are not the same thing.
Miscarriage happens because we don't discern moments. It can happens unconsciously.
Abortion comes by consciously terminate what you are carrying.

Big things come from tight places.
Great blessings always come from a very restricted and tight situation.