The night. Tonight. Hot yoggaaa

2nd October 6:17pm

Thank you Jesus for the day. Thank you for giving me such a good experience at bikram yoga. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I feel much better now and I feel like I will be making even better food choices from now if I continue to do this on a regular basis. I'm glad I wasn't thinking about anything stressful during that time. I mean I couldn't even if I tried because I was concentrated on doing all the poses as best as I could. I really do feel like I'm regaining all of my strength and flexibility back. Today somehow feel so significant. I don't know why but it just does. Feels like it's a start of something new. 2nd october. It really feels special. Hrmmm....

11:49pm

Oh emm gee. I feel so absolutely full. I can't remember the last time I ate this
Much. Well I mean with my old self this wasn't too much. But with the 'me' right now, these food are too much. I can't really stress over it too much. What happened
Has already happened so all I can really do is move on and hopefully change for the better. Learn from
This lesson to not eat too much but listen to my body :)

I love Jesus so much and I'm vey thankful
For this long weekend. I'm not too sure if I'm going to Jerusalum Bay because of a certain someone lol. But yeah, tomorrow will be Sunday and I hope I can go to hot
Yoga again :D and eat right for the rest of the day. I want to make the most out of my day and that's including spending quality time with God :)

I just want to be with him

Always

And forever xx

Down down down

oct 1 - 7:39pm

I wish there was someone that I can talk to right now. I honestly don't feel well at all and I wish I was at church or something. I'm just really sad right now and I don't think telling my friends would help. I know you understand but none other will. There are so many changes I want to make to my life. I'm really not happy with the progress I'm making. I know for a fact that my life can be so much better. There are so many things on my mind right now. I just want to get away to spend time with you in the nature that you've created. God I really need you. I don't know what to do and I don't want to talk to anyone about it :( I'm in such despair right now. I just want to cry. No one will understand. I don't want to go home either. I just want to be free. I just want to rest in your spirit. Please allow me to make the most out of my time during this long weekend. Please. Please. My heart needs you. 

Long time no talk..

I seriously hate how I look.

I hate how I feel.

And maybe cutting my hair short is the symptom of my decrease self confidence.

I honestly hate how things are at the moment

I find it hard to think of anything good and that's a really bad thing.

I'm so tired and drained off energy.

I need a retreat. I need God's power. I need to get away to where the presence of God is because it is there that I will renew my spirit and myself.

I hate how I look so bad. I know I should love myself but this isn't how God intended for me to look like. I know that.

I'm sick of feeling sick and tired.

The blocked nose is annoying. Vardering progress isn't too great :(

It makes me really sad and I really don't know how God would use this in His plan.

I just want to cry. My eyes are giving up on me. They need sleep. They need rest. My mind and spirit feels robbed.

I know all the right thing, but is finding it hard to believe it or convince myself so.

i don't want to think too much about tomorrow but I just can't help feeling sad and despair about how I am going with all the assessments.

God chose me to do this. God hand picked me and gave me this opportunity....so that in failure I may become something??? I don't know. I really don't know. But all I know is that His ways are not my ways.

God Im so in need of you. I HONESTLY REALLY WANT YOU RIGHT NOW!!!

HOW LONG LEFT. HOW LONG??

my partner
my job
my career
my TESTS. when will i passsss??????????????????????????
my heart is in so much pain
my BODY is screaming out for health!!!!!!!!

and WHY IS IT that I eat healthy all day and as soon as I come home, I eat like a pig!!!!

I hate how I look. I hate how I can't even stick to achieving my goals. I don't even remember ANY TIME that I have actually done what I've set out to do in regards to health and fitness.

I hate my broad shoulder and chubby arms. My rounded face look fat and swollen. I'm sick of this hair. I want to chop it all off. I want a vacation, a holiday.

I want to get that hype and spirit back again so I can start to read some more.

And why did you make me with no eyelashes God? I hate how  my eyes are!!!! :(

When will I love myself, truly, truly truly......

Why am I full of imperfections....

my week...

Tuesday_ Joyful?
Wednesday_ Really sad?
Thursday_ Dont know really.
Friday_I guess, alright.

Now I have to definitely stay back for 2 extra weeks for Vardering. But it's okay and I see it as an opportunity to sharpen my skill and gain more experience. All to God's glory that I'm starting to see things in a positive light.

Didn't have much of a productive day today but I did manage to come to church and got home at around 12:30am because Xw and I needed to have a chat. And I'm glad we did because I was able to give her Godly advice.

Right now, I'm having a really bad stomach pain. That just reminded me that I haven't had my period for almost a year now. I'm a little worried.

I also have to call up AAMI tomorrow to give them the smash repairers phone number and book and appointment date.

I also NEED to plan out my next week:
* food
* exercise
* meet-ups
* study for test on MONDAY
* review my goals!!
* buy new pair of scissors MONDAY morning.

Okay... well that's it for now.

I haven't been writing up here because my laptop is having some difficult charging and it's a hassle typing it on the iphone.

Anyways, I just hope God would allow me to do everything I need to get done tomorrow.

:( My stomach hurts...