You never know what happens.....

So Wella Trend is going well. The team is coming together. I've got a great team but the only thing we miss is ....

The model.

We're still looking for her, and hopefully she will come soon...

I just had a few silent tears...

I just checked my internet banking and I had $22.28 left in my entire bank account. That's not much.....I was hoping that after my pay this week I would be able to buy my ticket to Milan, but I guess not. The last withdrawal was to Chi's tutoring... Like $1600 something. And that's A LOT of money!! I didn't put the option down as paying per term but per month. I don't know why they withdrew that much all at once.

This makes me think.....Does God really want me to go to Milan? Or are you just trying to get me to wait for 'something'? I really am unsure. I don't know.. I don't know but God knows.....

Honestly, for the past 2 days. I feel absolutely DEAD!

I don't want to work because I'm so tired, but I'm still happy with my client nevertheless. But I feel as though I become less bothered or in another word 'lazy' to sell treatments. I hate how we have to be forced to meet our target! I hate having to meet people's expectation. But if we don't have challenges, we will never grow and we will become complacent which is the worst thing to be/feel.

I don't want people at work to see me and think that I am tired/ depressed ect. I just want to come off as happy all the time. Although that's hard. But achievable right? But I find it hard to convince myself to be happy sometimes. I mean, I can be content but my expression doesn't show that I'm joyful. Like when I'm on the bus, I can imagine being a different person just looking at 'me' and I would probably think, what is wrong with her, she looks so tired and sad!

It sucks having so much things to do. I'm kind of stressing but I know I should.

WHY do I have to know SO MANY THINGS yet don't DO them!!!!

That frustrates me!!!!

Like I know I shouldn't look sad even if I am because I can CHOOSE to be happy instead.

I know I should fast because that would break the bond of evil but I keep on forgetting!! Last night I thought about starting a fast today and I totally forgot about it until I was eating my lunch!!!! That's horrible!!!!

I know that Liferegenerator is right about all the raw food diet and I DO believe that's the way you want us to eat, but WHY don't I do it???

I know that Zuzana's work out would give me the body that I want given consistency, but WHY don't I keep up with it!!!!!! Jesus whyyyyyyyyyy

Why do I know all these things and don't do them!!! Yes I want wisdom, but I also want to know what & how to use it! But most of all the WILL to use them!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so frustrated right now! It's almost midnight and I don't even want to go to sleep. Why do I get so sleepy and tired these days but DO NOT want to sleep??? Why??? I get so tired but I rather stay up doing something else, & the next morning I will then suffer the consequences!! = tiredness, restlessness, negativity at work ect

It's so stressful..... No I mean I still am calm. Like Jesus sleeping through the storm. Everytime when I think about what I should be doing next or how chaotic things seem to be, I think of God and how the last thing he'd want me to do is stress.

So I know that the model will be provided!

I know that within next week I will finish my Interior Design assignment #4

I know that the shooting location will be organised

I know that I will have enough money to buy ticket to Milan whenever God wants me to

I know that if I trust in God and keep a positive attitude, he will bless me abundantly with great service & retail.


I was on the Greyhound 2 weeks ago as 3rd. Yeah it seems like a big deal but I don't find it a big deal anymore. I don't care if it even exist. The only reason why I do look at it is to track the performances of everyone, and because Khee wants me to be top 3 every week eventually. I will get there, I want to do extremely well. I want to build a STRONGGGGGG clientele.

This week, unfortunately I don't think I will hit my service target. And I did so well on Monday, doing NINE clients. More than I have ever done. And I thought that would be a good start to the week... but noooo..... I wonder how things are tomorrow. I hope I'm not dead tired like the last 2 days. I hope I find the MODEL I need! >.<

I don't want to think about the way I look too much. I'm not totally sad or unhappy, but very unsatisfied with the fact that I look the way I do when I can be so much better.

I feel bad for paying SOOOOOO much for Gym and now not even using it because I'm not bothered to go!
They just called me yesterday to see how I'm going and asked when I will come next. I said friday or saturday. But I doubt I can come tomorrow because I have work! :( :( Is this a sign that God wants me to go back to the Gym? Well I HAVE to go back eventually because I PAID like almost $900 for it!!!!!

oh whyyy oh whyyy am I like this???

Why is my life so superficial and why am I so unhappy with myself. I'm so scared of going on the scale. I just want to look good. Look right. Look happy and satisfied. Before I go to Milan.

I feel like I have a curse on my life with fitness & health or something. It's really weird, I've never succeeded with anything regarding that issue. It saddens me :( like a lot!

I'm still too afraid to show my arms & my legs. I don't like .... Well I don't think I will look good....

Who are you  trying to impress?

No one??

Then why are you so self-conscious?

Because,....

Because???

Because I don't think I'm pretty enough without make up, with showing my white legs and chubby arms.

Well are you going to be like this forever??

Well yeah... until I can get some help!!

Help with what?

Help... like holding me accountable.. encouraging me.. speaking life into my heart... motivating me...

So you think you can't do that yourself?

No, I can't. I tried and I couldn't. I lack a lot of self motivation. Or maybe I just get bored easily.

I think you should go back to the gym...

yeah I'll think about it.

you don't even do Zuzana's work out everyday so don't make an excuse that you will work out at home

I'm not making an excuse.

YES you are. Do something about it if you're not happy with yourself. But just remember that the outside will be an indicator of the inside. So if you want to be happy (outwardly), then feel happy on the inside. Things outside will change but the inner soul of a person will not. If it is beautiful, it will stays beautiful for life!

Just dwell in God's presence yes?

yeah, and read his words, and just relax when everything feels like it falls on you. God knows what you're going through and you are not going through it alone. He is with you every step of the way and no step is an accident. Everything is deliberate. He loves you and just have faith and you will see his faithfulness.

Sad & Tired..... What else can I say?

Today has got to be most tiring day in a really long time. I felt like it went by so slow.... like extremely slow. It was so quite at work and I was extremely bored. I just wanted to go home and take a sick leave. Then I thought about last night's talk on "Complacency", then I felt like I must hang on. I had 2 last clients and it was terrible waiting and waiting and waiting, having nothing to do was so frustrating. But I'm glad that when my clients did come, I got out of that mindset and was happy once again. I think I'm like that with most things, it takes a lot for me to get up and do something, but once I start, I will love it. Like waking up in the morning for example; I really want to wake up in the morning but I get really tired and lazy. However as long as I'm UP and is BRUSHING my teeth, I'M AWAKE! But that process of deciding whether or not to wake up is the hardest. Should I sleep or should I get up. And it only takes that LITTLE effort to start the momentum. Also, with exercising, sometimes I really want to do it, but I'm just not bothered because I don't feel motivated enough, but once I've decided on what I would be doing and when and where and do it RIGHT AWAY, I carry along with it...

Well I was extremely restless when I got home, I could not even smile. I know God loves me and cares for me but I feel like the wait is so long. My connect group prayed for me so that God will keep me in His will and send me a model soon, but it's tonight already, the day before I'm suppose to finalise everything and I haven't even got one. I need to meet up with everyone to discuss the theme but it sucks not knowing what model I'm going to get. It's hard because I don't even know what hair I can do because I'm unsure of what length she might have. I don't even know if I can even do "Passionista" because will anyone wants to have their hair coloured red? (Must I add that they have to have the right look!)

Am I being to picky? No I think I'm selective and the photographer is helping me choose. I'm not loosing faith but I'm just really saddddddd!!!!! and worried!!! even though I know I SHOULDN'T! It sucks so bad!!!!!!!

I have faith because I know what happened last year. How I was so desperate for everything to come together and how I NEEDED a model so bad and eventually, you gave me the perfect model. The model that helped me get my scholarship and hence I'm working at Toni&Guy.

Lord, I don't know when she will come but GOD PLEASE LET HER COME SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP JESUS!!!!!!!

YOU ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I WILL SHOOT,

WHO I WILL SHOOT WITH

WHICH ONE IS THE MODEL

WHAT THE THEME IS

WHAT MY IDEAS ARE

HOW THE HAIR WILL LOOK LIKE

HOW THE MEETING TOMORROW WILL BE


YOU  know it all Jesus but please, please I BEG YOU, I BEG you, grant me a model soon. The RIGHT one, The CHOSEN one. And what ever it is you want me to do. LET me know! Let me know so I can please you Jesus. I want to run a race to win. I want to win simply because with your help I CAN! Even if I didn't receive any rewards, but just knowing that I did it with you, and you were on the same journey as me, makes me extremely happy. And winning FOR you, that's even more amazing.

God I know you are in control, however long it takes, you are in control.

You know everything inside out and outside in. You know the beginning and the end and you don't live in time but outside of time. You see everything simultaneously. You are great and I trust in you. I wonder if I have to fast when you are already planning to give me what I need.

As much faith as I have right now, I'm still sad, perhaps not happy. I love you God....

Please help me to plan everything for tomorrow, all the ideas ect... I hope we can talk about many things and really help each other

But most of all Jesus, TEACH me through this journey....


I love you

:(:(

I hope I don't waste time today...

Today is my day off and I hope I will be able to make the most out of it. Like Brian said 'Life is short and Life is long' and I want to cherish every single second that I have as hard as it is to do.

Jesus I thank you for the model that you will be providing me, I know how faithful you are in providing for your loved ones. I know you have specificly chosen me to do this hair competition and right now I have everything except for a model. It's such a journey looking for them and I'm still waiting for 4 to reply to me. I don't think they check their MM account that's why they haven't replied. I really need a model Jesus and you know that. That's literally like the most important thing because I have to showcase my hair on their! No, Jesus I'm not loosing hope. I still have hope and faith. I still believe that you will deliver because you are an awesome God who has an amazing plan for our life. You are the king of impossibilities, of miracles of supernatural power, of love, of grace, of mercy, of blessings, of happiness and of completeness. I have something that no one else has ( well some), and that is the fact that I have YOU!!

I need to do my assignment so hopefully you can bless me with that.

I feel like I'm slowly learning to love myself more. Yesterday I was over Sveta's place and we talked about my concern ect, and at the near end we both decided for me to take my make up off. So I did and she said I looked better than when I have make up on because it's natural. I don't know if it's her being nice or if I really do look better. I don't know, but one thing I knew is that I FELT comfortable and that's all that mattered. I felt like I don't have to hide but be MYSELF!

the old me....

Lord,

Just thinking about how I used to be.... and I don't know.... I'm just questioning myself

How did I even fell into those things? How did I start to become all that. Like come on, like dancing on the podium, going out late nights, clubbing every week. AND YET I was still going to church doing my christian thing. I did not think it was wrong because I didn't go for the wrong motive, I guess I just really loved dancing and since I couldn't take dancing lessons, might as well go and dance for free because we get free entries.

I don't know. I was just so different before. However, I'm actually quite glad that I went through all that because I learn the most through mistakes :)

Jesus I love you and I have learnt to really depend on you, not only that but to DWELL in your presence. So like today, I'm lazy and tired and felt unsure ..... I don't know why I felt unsure, I didn't totally feel sad nor happy, just reallly emotionless and blank. Then I had to study Interior Design and got sleepy. I didn't want to do it anymore and just want to rest & sleep. I felt a little frustrated and then I remember to listen to the quite voice within me telling me I should just pause and dwell into God's words. I just really want him to bless me with the right model.. I really need him to.

I thank Him for giving me a good future and plan that prospers me. I thank Him for the photographer, model, make up artist and all the creativity he will be giving me to make this photo shoot amazing.

Jesus thank you..

please continue to pour joy into my heart and let it shine for everyone to see.xx