So Wella Trend is going well. The team is coming together. I've got a great team but the only thing we miss is ....
The model.
We're still looking for her, and hopefully she will come soon...
I just had a few silent tears...
I just checked my internet banking and I had $22.28 left in my entire bank account. That's not much.....I was hoping that after my pay this week I would be able to buy my ticket to Milan, but I guess not. The last withdrawal was to Chi's tutoring... Like $1600 something. And that's A LOT of money!! I didn't put the option down as paying per term but per month. I don't know why they withdrew that much all at once.
This makes me think.....Does God really want me to go to Milan? Or are you just trying to get me to wait for 'something'? I really am unsure. I don't know.. I don't know but God knows.....
Honestly, for the past 2 days. I feel absolutely DEAD!
I don't want to work because I'm so tired, but I'm still happy with my client nevertheless. But I feel as though I become less bothered or in another word 'lazy' to sell treatments. I hate how we have to be forced to meet our target! I hate having to meet people's expectation. But if we don't have challenges, we will never grow and we will become complacent which is the worst thing to be/feel.
I don't want people at work to see me and think that I am tired/ depressed ect. I just want to come off as happy all the time. Although that's hard. But achievable right? But I find it hard to convince myself to be happy sometimes. I mean, I can be content but my expression doesn't show that I'm joyful. Like when I'm on the bus, I can imagine being a different person just looking at 'me' and I would probably think, what is wrong with her, she looks so tired and sad!
It sucks having so much things to do. I'm kind of stressing but I know I should.
WHY do I have to know SO MANY THINGS yet don't DO them!!!!
That frustrates me!!!!
Like I know I shouldn't look sad even if I am because I can CHOOSE to be happy instead.
I know I should fast because that would break the bond of evil but I keep on forgetting!! Last night I thought about starting a fast today and I totally forgot about it until I was eating my lunch!!!! That's horrible!!!!
I know that Liferegenerator is right about all the raw food diet and I DO believe that's the way you want us to eat, but WHY don't I do it???
I know that Zuzana's work out would give me the body that I want given consistency, but WHY don't I keep up with it!!!!!! Jesus whyyyyyyyyyy
Why do I know all these things and don't do them!!! Yes I want wisdom, but I also want to know what & how to use it! But most of all the WILL to use them!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so frustrated right now! It's almost midnight and I don't even want to go to sleep. Why do I get so sleepy and tired these days but DO NOT want to sleep??? Why??? I get so tired but I rather stay up doing something else, & the next morning I will then suffer the consequences!! = tiredness, restlessness, negativity at work ect
It's so stressful..... No I mean I still am calm. Like Jesus sleeping through the storm. Everytime when I think about what I should be doing next or how chaotic things seem to be, I think of God and how the last thing he'd want me to do is stress.
So I know that the model will be provided!
I know that within next week I will finish my Interior Design assignment #4
I know that the shooting location will be organised
I know that I will have enough money to buy ticket to Milan whenever God wants me to
I know that if I trust in God and keep a positive attitude, he will bless me abundantly with great service & retail.
I was on the Greyhound 2 weeks ago as 3rd. Yeah it seems like a big deal but I don't find it a big deal anymore. I don't care if it even exist. The only reason why I do look at it is to track the performances of everyone, and because Khee wants me to be top 3 every week eventually. I will get there, I want to do extremely well. I want to build a STRONGGGGGG clientele.
This week, unfortunately I don't think I will hit my service target. And I did so well on Monday, doing NINE clients. More than I have ever done. And I thought that would be a good start to the week... but noooo..... I wonder how things are tomorrow. I hope I'm not dead tired like the last 2 days. I hope I find the MODEL I need! >.<
I don't want to think about the way I look too much. I'm not totally sad or unhappy, but very unsatisfied with the fact that I look the way I do when I can be so much better.
I feel bad for paying SOOOOOO much for Gym and now not even using it because I'm not bothered to go!
They just called me yesterday to see how I'm going and asked when I will come next. I said friday or saturday. But I doubt I can come tomorrow because I have work! :( :( Is this a sign that God wants me to go back to the Gym? Well I HAVE to go back eventually because I PAID like almost $900 for it!!!!!
oh whyyy oh whyyy am I like this???
Why is my life so superficial and why am I so unhappy with myself. I'm so scared of going on the scale. I just want to look good. Look right. Look happy and satisfied. Before I go to Milan.
I feel like I have a curse on my life with fitness & health or something. It's really weird, I've never succeeded with anything regarding that issue. It saddens me :( like a lot!
I'm still too afraid to show my arms & my legs. I don't like .... Well I don't think I will look good....
Who are you trying to impress?
No one??
Then why are you so self-conscious?
Because,....
Because???
Because I don't think I'm pretty enough without make up, with showing my white legs and chubby arms.
Well are you going to be like this forever??
Well yeah... until I can get some help!!
Help with what?
Help... like holding me accountable.. encouraging me.. speaking life into my heart... motivating me...
So you think you can't do that yourself?
No, I can't. I tried and I couldn't. I lack a lot of self motivation. Or maybe I just get bored easily.
I think you should go back to the gym...
yeah I'll think about it.
you don't even do Zuzana's work out everyday so don't make an excuse that you will work out at home
I'm not making an excuse.
YES you are. Do something about it if you're not happy with yourself. But just remember that the outside will be an indicator of the inside. So if you want to be happy (outwardly), then feel happy on the inside. Things outside will change but the inner soul of a person will not. If it is beautiful, it will stays beautiful for life!
Just dwell in God's presence yes?
yeah, and read his words, and just relax when everything feels like it falls on you. God knows what you're going through and you are not going through it alone. He is with you every step of the way and no step is an accident. Everything is deliberate. He loves you and just have faith and you will see his faithfulness.
