So today is my day off and I felt extremely tired and restless. I initially wanted to go church but when the time came I just didn't feel like it anymore. I know it's bad to put church as an option.....
I woke up quite early this morning and I just watched movies with Mum for a little while. After eating breakfast I decided to watch Foxtel then all of sudden I felt tired and fell asleep. I woke up, not bothered to do anything: my assignment, clean my room, set goals ect..... so I decided to just relax and watch TV. After a while, I was still tired so I went back to sleep and ended up waking at 6:30. Sveta called, and then I had dinner.
I feel like I wasted a day today. Wasted the hours that I can never take back. I feel bad but what can I do??
Sveta really gave me a reality check. She was telling me off and she was 'harsh'! But I guess that's what's friends are for. I don't want her to be nice to me but fake. I want her to be real and she was.
It was hard to accept what she said about me but it's true that I always seek approval from people or like seeking advice from them. Yes, the have expertise but no one can make me change but 'me'! I got to change myself and the inner drive comes from ME and no one else. Why do I have to keep asking people what I should do when I ALREADY know what I need to do. I shouldn't put too much expectations on myself to complete everything altogether right away. I should take one thing at a time and I have to prioritise. I have to write down what's important to me.
I think the reason why I don't want to give another try is because I've failed so much. I really have failed so much. But if I keep seeing my past as failures then I will never be able to succeed. I should see them as challenges & lessons to be learnt.
I told Sveta that I know what I should do but I just can't do them. And she said to me that I can't do them because I tell myself I CAN'T. I didn't want to believe it but ... then it is true. I make too much excuses. Besides, there has been bad experiences with the Gym so I don't really feel like going.
There's another excuse.
I looked back at my diary from last year and I was very healthy. Ate so well and exercised regularly. I just want to get back to how I used to be or even better than anytime in my entire life.
I just have so much going on right now. I need to do the assignment for interior designing and I'm so lazy cz I'm tired. I know I need to clean my room but I'm lazy as well. I get frustrated because I still haven't found any model :( I don't know .. but I was slowly loosing hope. I have the whole team on board except for the model. What can I do without a model?
I must thank God for my photographer, Rai. I'm so thankful that he had help me so much in finding the model. He sent me a link this afternoon of this new model. She is 170cm so a little short for a model but she had good face structure which is good. I'm hoping we can finalise the model soon. Very soon! I really need it.
I'm thinking whether I should go gym tomorrow. But what do I do? I get lazy. I'm not a morning person. But if someone is accountable for me then I will do it no matter how tempting it may be. I don't get why I get tempt by the devil so much. He always tries to make me give up. Always make me go off-track..
Jesus I need you to help me to set new goals!
I want to live each day for you fully. Especially when the earth is coming to an end really soon. I want to be ready. I don't want to regret my last day. I want to live my life for you and make the most out of every single second I get given.
Since tomorrow is Monday, the start of a new week, I should really kick start everything. I think I should.
I'm going to get a calendar tomorrow from that basement book store. I actually like to write things on paper instead of putting it in my Iphone. It's a little more traditional but I think it's more helpful to keep track of things.
I'm just wondering if I will be wearing any make up to the gym....... It's so hard....... but what difference does that make anyway. I will still look the same. People will still look at me the same! I hear a quite voice from God telling me I don't need to wear make up to the Gym. Will I listen and be obedient???
Will I??
I know if Sveta was reading this she would probably chuck a fit. She would probably go crazyyyyyy!!!!!
I think I should go to the Gym tomorrow and organise a program to be done. So at least I can just start. Tomorrow is Monday and I hope God will allow me to give my best in everything I do. I hope he blesses me at work.
Tuesday is coming and there is art-team. I will be going eventhough that's my day off :( boo hoo hoo. But that's okay. I also need to print out the mood-board properly..... (now that makes me think of money)
I seriously don't earn that much money at all! I don't know if I hate it. I do... but having less makes me spend more wise. I seriously don't have much left anymore. I just had $740 or something put into my account and that's ONE week wage PLUS 2 weeks of commisions. NOW that's NOT much at all!!!!!!!
Just when I thought I can wait a few more weeks to buy the ticket, now I have to pay back $400 to mum cz of the $2000 she put in my account before the holiday. No, I don't regret giving to God even though it's so tough with so less. That would leave me with a little over $300 and I would have to wait till May to probably get my ticket. :( This really sucks. I hate how everything just revolves around money. I hate it.
