I'm stuck.. I'm stuck in this realm of image insecurity...
I just want to get away from this superficial world......
I tried on my jeans and I couldn't pull up the zipper. I don't remember the last time I wore jeans because I know how uncomfortable I'd feel wearing them and besides I didn't want my thighs to look humongous.
I thought you've sent me a life-saver...but why does everything has to be revolved around money. I think a good diet and exercise regime would cure everything right?? Chinese medicine and stuff are so expensive.... $1500 for 10 treatments and $70 for a week worth of medicine.. I can't afford it especially when I'm still saving up for tickets to Milan..
Anibi just FB me and said she will be going to Barcelona this summer so she will be in Milan, which means we will get to see each other. I can't wait...
Lord when will ever get out of this mess? I know what I need to do but I have no energy to get up. I think I need to set goals but I don't know if I will stick with it because I tend to loose motivation very quickly, or even if I'm motivated, I loose momentum :(
Jesus how can I be helped?
You said you would help me Jesus. I was fine until I had to look for clothes to wear, then I realised I can't where anything because everything except for work clothes make me look fat. I can't wear sleeveless top out because I feel like the daylight is so bright that it will show all of my flaws. I don't want to show my legs because it's so white and untoned. Why do I have to be so self-conscious? This wont even matter especially when I'm coming to you soon. I'm leaving this materialistic world very soon.
Okay, well tomorrow I have an appointment at the gym to do my program. It will be my first time back in 1 and half month. I just want to get moving. I want someone to push me. I can't do it on my own. Sveta was harsh on me and said if I don't do it, no one will. If I say I can't then I can't. She told me not to seek people's advice. But the problem with me is that I CAN'T DO IT BY MYSELF!! I loose momentum. I need Jesus. I need a mentor. I need someone to push me.....
I'm so stuck.... The more I see how well Zuzana and everyone else looks, the further I think I am to achieving it, hence I don't have motivation because I think I that will never be able to reach it no matter how hard I try. I always set goals and never finish. I want to set something and FINISH IT!!!!!! I want to!! I think if I achieve the physical image that I want, I can pretty much do anything I want because I've done the hardest thing there is to do....
Wondering why Anibi is still not on yet.... I want to talk to her.....
