I want to get a tattoo

“A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.”


All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." ~ Abraham Lincoln


"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
-- Agatha Christie


"My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her."
-- George Washington


"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power


Who fed me from her gentle breast
And hushed me in her arms to rest,
And on my cheek sweet kisses prest?
My Mother.
~Anne Taylor


No painter's brush, nor poet's pen
In justice to her fame
Has ever reached half high enough
To write a mother's name.
~Author Unknown


A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take. ~Cardinal Mermillod

Friday Week 1/12_No gym, bad food

Well I couldn't go gym today because I had the photo shoot on early in the morning and had to leave the house at 9am. I was pretty tired last night as well so I decided that I needed more sleep and I could then work out during the day or the afternoon. However, that doesn't always work. If i don't get things done early, they won't be done because there's always stuff that comes up during the day and it distracts you from doing what is most important. I ate pretty bad today and just realised how bad it felt. I loved it when I ate very plain, wholesome food because my stomach did not feel disturbed. But as soon as I put other processed food in my stomach, I can automatically feel the difference because my body was getting really used to the good/ living food. I've also realised that when I do work out in the morning, it makes me eat really well. It helps to remind me to live a healthy lifestyle, eat well and exercise well. Well tomorrow I'm back at the gym early and then connect group in the afternoon. At night will be dinner for Jovie's birthday. Hopefully Sveta can make it early because I don't want to go by myself. I don't even know what to wear argh! LOL.

But yes, I just came back from dinner with Toni then we chilled together with Charles, Nino and Arvin at Arvin's place then went to Strathfield's "House of Pumpkin". I ate too much. Anyways, let's not talk about food shall we. The lesson I've learnt is to ALWAYS follow your instict, and do what you KNOW is right. I knew I should've stuck to eating meat and salad today and not stuff myself with sushi, rice, meet, dumplings bla bla bla. I knew I should've had a juice instead of pancake and icecream. But what's in the past is already in the past. It's never a mistake if you can learn from it. But one thing, tomorrow is Jovie's birthday and it will be very hard to just stick to my way of eating since it's a 5 course meal. Does it mean I should work out extra hard tomorrow? Even so, I still truly believe that eventually I will get the results that I want because God promised me that I will accomplish what I set out, and through perseverance and hard work, it will manifest into reality in no time.

Other than that, I feel pretty good today knowing how my ex is at the moment. Although I feel unfortunate for him but seriously, I can truly say I've made so much progress for the past year compare to him. I deserve so much more than all he can ever give. He might be good for someone else, but not for me. If him and that Jenny girl is happy together then that's good. I'm happy for them. But if he is what Toni said, then I definitely think he's turning worst and not for the better. I don't have to list down the stuff which I have done during those times. All I'm going to say is that my life has totally and dramatically changed since the break and I'm SO glad. I'm so happy that God had allow it to happen, because had it not happened I would have never gone closer to Jesus. I'm just thinking: Did he really gain that much weight? That's totally not who I want to be with especially when I'm trying to look after my body so well by eating right and going to the gym. Apparently, he and his girlfriend goes to drink-ups and get drunk together as well. Man that just turns me off real bad. If they enjoy that then they are definitely made for each other. Another thing is that he had only started studying this semester. So that meant for the past year he has been unemployed and did not study whatsoever. That is just disappointing. Now that he is starting (nursing?) I'm actually going to work for Toni and Guy. And another shocking thing is how the girlfriend moved in with him?! That's just weird and she's so young! Well who cares. I just can't wait for my perfect man to come. My destined prince charming (:

God tells me: If you can be God's best, he will give you His best. I want to be God's best in every way because I want to be given what He treasures most. Because those are the precious things that are truly valuable.

Okay Jesus, I pray that tomorrow will be another day for you. A day that I'm reaching to you more and more. I want to come into your presence and I want you to speak to me. Jesus please bless me. Please allow me to work extra extra hard at gym. Push me to work out intensely so I can make the most out of my time. Please help me to read the words you've prepared for me. Thank you for the shoot today, the last 2 birds have been accomplished and I'm so relieved. It feels so good to have those things behind you. I just can't wait to go on a holiday at the end of the year. It will be so awesome and great! I pray that God will remind me of the wholesome food that is readily available everywhere. I ask that He will give me wisdom and knowledge to do what is right, to choose what is worthy and nourishing for my body instead of the food that may tastes good at first but then leaves you feeling really empty and not fulfilled. I pray that God will help me to decide what to wear hahah for the birthday.

Oh I can't wait to get baptist. I'm a bit nervous actually. Quite nerve-racking. I'm also nervous about the Vardering course at Toni and Guy as well. Hope all is well but I know for sure that the Holy Spirit is upon me at all times!

I love you Jesus and please bless me!! I AM BLESSED! yes yes yes. Thank you God!

Day4.Week1/ 12 Weeks_ Another beautiful day. Training was great today

If Jesus promises something, it will be fulfilled. He promised me that this time is different from all the other time. He said to me that I will be able to achieve what I want to accomplish this time around. I'm just so excited for what's to come. I'm also glad at my progress so far. For some reasons, I'm so motivated nowadays. I don't get lazy. I just want to work out and eat right. I no longer have craving, and I know it is because of Jesus and God that has given me a new mindset. I'm so thankful for everything, for everything that God has allowed me take up, all the chances he has blessed me with.

I'm glad that I've chosen the off-peak price at Gym, because not only does it costs less but it also forces me to go in the morning since you can't go after 3:30pm (when the busy hours are). And I want to go more to get my money worth LOL. I also work out at home when I do want to, but besides that, I love working out in the morning because it sets out an energetic day for me. It's a good start and the hardest part of the day is over. I have so much faith for the result that I want. It will be accomplished because it is Jesus' promise to me and he never take away his words. If it's done, then it's done.

So mum have just decided that we will be going on a holiday at the end of the year. I'm glad and happy for her because I know how much she needs this holiday.

Next week is the start of my Vardering Course, and then I will be working for Toni and Guy OFFICIALLY. How exciting! I hope the Holy Spirit will be upon me, blessing me to be better and better at what I do. I want to be great because I KNOW I will be great. I always thrive to be a person of excellence.

Last night, whilst I was up planning my work out for today, I had a status on fb saying:

Mummy just fell down the stairs in the dark, and I had the pleasure of massaging her foot, making her food and driving her around. Love her so much. She kept on thanking me but that's the least that any daughter can do.

 And that got the attention of Daryl from church. He called me at around 1am in the morning and the funny thing is that I was still awake to pick up his call. He said that he felt selfish for compromising to stay in Australia rather than going back to his mum and dad in Malaysia where they need him. I ended up telling my family story to him and I believe it really did inspire him to make the right decision to go back where the love ones need him most. I'm so happy that God had used me to help him make the right decision. When things like this are accomplished, I feel like everything that I went through was so worth it, because something good came out of it.

Anyways, I'm going to go to Newtown to pick up the phone for Chi. I know she will be very happy when she gets it. (: I love her so much!

Day3.Weekk1/ 12 Weeks_Feels so bloated

Well Gym was so great this morning. I love God so much for blessing me. And about my ex? Oh forget about him, I'm so glad it was all over. I'm not hating anyone especially his current girlfriend right now. I blame him for the things he did, but I will surely forgive him. Mum could forgive dad, so can I forgive my ex for cheating on me. I just want to reach into god's words. I'll do that soon, after this.

Just went to the Vodafone store to get the phone for Chi but there were some problems with the ID so I have to wait for them to contact me. But hoping all is well. We can't get the Iphone 4 until my big sister have her new ABN number for the restaurant. Oh well, everything happens for a reason.

The photo shoot was pretty good today. Two more models to go this Friday and the series will be done.

For some reasons, I feel so bloated today. But other than that I can definitely feel the changes that are taking inside my body. I know it's improving and I want to keep climbing this mountain. I don't want to stop and go backward in time. I need to improve my body because I know it's always reaching for optimum health. I know God told me that this time will be different from any other time I've attempted to start a new lifestyle. He promised me that this time, I will reap the reward that I sow and all shall be accomplished in the name of Jesus. (:

xx

I feel like my heart is giving up on itself. There is so much to take in.

Just when I thought things would get better, it gets worst. Just when things look like it's turning out right, it goes the other way around. Not that God is unfaithful. But the evil presence in my household is so strong. We literally live THROUGH each day trying figure out a solution to the ungodly plan against us. He comes up with a different one every day. He comes to steal, kill and destroy. Just as he said he will give my mum a problem everyday to make her suffer. How can a dad be like that. How can my own father betray me like that? How can he curse his own family, wishing his wife would die saying that one day a stone will hit her head because of karma. My heart is in immense pain. I was able to hold on so strongly before, but each and everyday has been harder and harder, more painful. People on facebook who has spoken to me for long, assumes that my life is looking so magnificent, that I'm on the rise. But who would've thought these kind of things are happening in the midst of all of my success. But I have to stay strong. For my mum, for my sisters and for myself. I need to be there for them and pick them up when no one else will. I need to fulfill my role of a child of God, a daughter a sister who will serve, be a supporter, a comforter, a friend to Mum and Chi.

It was good that God spoke to me last night and reassured of quite a few things. I cried to sleep and I also cried when I was working. I cried a little more just before I started typing this. My heart is in so much sorrow. I can't ask why. I can not do that. Because I know no matter what happens, God is in the midst of it, and He sees all. He sees justice. He sees us, his people whom he has called. We are the chosen one. Justice delay is not justice denied. How can I say this is unjust when my life has not been fully lived till the end. I can only thank God for being here with me through all of these troubles.

I'm glad also that at least I have a REAL Father who loves me, unlike the one here on earth who does not even care if I die. No one can imagine the pain that I'm going through right now, but who is to say that worst thing hasn't happened to others. I'm not saying that these are very rare cases. In saying that, why would God allow these things to happen if He wasn't going to use it for His glory? I know for a fact that my life will have a significant impact on mankind. I believe, in Jesus' name that I will be a figure of inspiration. I will bring hope to the lost souls and comfort the troublesome. I don't wish for these things to come, but now that they do come, I only ask that God would give me the strength to withstand these wickedness. My dad is possessed by demonic power. He knows that we are God-chosen people with a great future, living for God's glory and will be accomplishing significant things. It is therefore, understandable that the devil has chosen us out of everyone. He wants to stop God's amazing plan. But it will not happen. The devil are aggressive and they are able to destroy "things" but in them are nothing but hollowness. They have no power, but is only perceived to have a lot when really they have none. God is my ultimate God. Jesus is my Saviour. Through the Holy Spirit, I've been able to carry out wonderous ideas and plans. All thanks to the Almighty one in Heaven.

I love him so much. And I know even up to this point, that this is NOT the end. It's coming to an end but worst thing will happen. I know that for a fact. But I have to hang in there. I have to keep strong and faithful. I have to keep seeking His words and presence and dwell in Jesus for His wisdom to flow through me. There are many things that needs my attention right now, but I'm willing to cast them all aside and focus to God, because I know that as long as I fix my eyes on Him, He will give me anything and everything I need.

It hurts to think about my ex as well. But I'm so glad we're not together anymore. I'm glad that God is preparing someone for me right now, and the love that we will be having together will be beyond comprehension. I know I just have to wait. I'm really anxious and wishes that it'd come now, but I know it is definitely not the right time. I want things to happen His way, not my way, unless it flows with His will.

It hurts also to see my mum seeking the "fake" God hoping blessings would come. It hurts me to know that she is putting false hope into the wrong things (statues? dead people?). I hurts to know that she is so sincere about it which makes me really wonder WHEN she will find out the true God. But then, it makes me completely happy to realise that ONE DAY, yes (definitely) one day soon, she will find out about the God that I fell so deeply in love with, and hopefully will also surrender herself to Jesus and have a relationship with Him.

I'm just numb right now. Don't know what to do, what to think besides sitting like a dead log. I need to go photocopy stuff for mum, and I really want to work out as well because I didn't go gym this morning.

Can still not believe what kind of father I have. Betrayal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You want us to loose our house? You want to go to court? You want to make my mum look like the bad one? Go do that because we don't care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Justice will serve itself. You will loose everything if you want us to loose it all.

What goes around comes around. You're only pouring more fuel into your own fire. Then one day that fire will consume your life and death is the definitely consequence which will proceed. Death in the "lake of fire".

Yes I forgive you, but I will never never never come back  to you. I will never never never want to get near you. You evil soul, I wish you all the best. But God has eyes and He watches over everyone. He sees everything that you do and you will pay for your own way of life. It's not a place for me to judge, but I ask God that He would judge justly and serve justice accordingly.

Have your way upon us, chosen people. Protect us from the evil plans. For you are with me. Whom shall I fear? Of whom shall I be afraid?

I really needed this... feeling so sad, so low, so.... hopeless, but God is faithful..

And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.

Genesis 45:5

When Joseph was younger, his brothers secretly sold him into slavery. God then orchestrated Joseph’s life in a way that brought him up out of bondage and into Pharaoh’s house. Ultimately, Joseph became second in command over Egypt. The verse today is Joseph’s account to his brothers of God’s amazing plan for his life, despite the awful circumstances his brothers caused for him.

Because Joseph was faithful to God during unimaginable times in his life, God was able to use him in amazing ways. Joseph’s godly example influenced everyone from his own family to Egyptian slaves, prison inmates, royal servants, the King’s guards, then Pharaoh himself, and eventually the whole land of Egypt.

Most of us have faced those dark times when we feel our circumstances are unjust and undeserved. Yet, through it all, God remains faithful. And His purpose for our lives always comes through in the end.

We don’t usually like to talk about the difficult times in our lives. But they happen. They not only happen to us, but also to those around us. And God can use those circumstances to bring hope to others.

You may have faced a dark time in the past, don’t sweep it under the rug. Instead, allow your story to bring encouragement to someone who is facing their own difficult situation. Talk to them about your faithfulness, even in the face of doubt. And show them how God led you to ultimate triumph.

My ex

Just did another work out later this afternoon and I was feeling very motivated.

Sveta came by this evening and we had a good chat together. Having dinner together was also fun.

However, I found out something about my ex and it's causing me a bit of an anxiety. Won't be for long, most definitely, but it was just shocking to find out how long they've been together for and whether or not they even went out during our relationship. But it doesn't really matter anyway. I know it was something that must happen in order for God's blessing to flow through. I'm so glad the relationship ended though because it brought out the worst in me and made me a better person. I learnt from my lesson and I never regretted doing anything. God is gracious enough to forgive me and at the same time pour His blessings on me even though I've wronged against him. Jesus is so great. That girlfriend of his happens to do the same that I do. Imagine if we do end up meeting down the road through work, that will be quite funny.

Anyways that's enough. I need to go plan for tomorrow's work out.

Day1.Weekk1/ 12 Weeks_Amazing Day. Amazing Grace. Amazing God.

Jesus you are so good. You are so good to me. To all. To everyone.

I feel so great today after gym. I'm so glad I woke up early today because I know I'm making the most out of my day. I can't believe how much time I've missed not using enough of. On most days, I'd be sleeping until work but I'm so glad I got up even though it was cold, went to the gym then came back still having enough time to do stuff before 10am. I'm planning to go to Newtown again this afternoon to get the phone for Chi. I also want to work out again. Just a short interval training. I love this feeling of the "healthy-living" state. I love it so much. Even though this is the first proper training but I already feel so much lighter and better. I love it I love it I love it and it's all thanks to God. This my first day of the first week.