Just when I thought things would get better, it gets worst. Just when things look like it's turning out right, it goes the other way around. Not that God is unfaithful. But the evil presence in my household is so strong. We literally live THROUGH each day trying figure out a solution to the ungodly plan against us. He comes up with a different one every day. He comes to steal, kill and destroy. Just as he said he will give my mum a problem everyday to make her suffer. How can a dad be like that. How can my own father betray me like that? How can he curse his own family, wishing his wife would die saying that one day a stone will hit her head because of karma. My heart is in immense pain. I was able to hold on so strongly before, but each and everyday has been harder and harder, more painful. People on facebook who has spoken to me for long, assumes that my life is looking so magnificent, that I'm on the rise. But who would've thought these kind of things are happening in the midst of all of my success. But I have to stay strong. For my mum, for my sisters and for myself. I need to be there for them and pick them up when no one else will. I need to fulfill my role of a child of God, a daughter a sister who will serve, be a supporter, a comforter, a friend to Mum and Chi.
It was good that God spoke to me last night and reassured of quite a few things. I cried to sleep and I also cried when I was working. I cried a little more just before I started typing this. My heart is in so much sorrow. I can't ask why. I can not do that. Because I know no matter what happens, God is in the midst of it, and He sees all. He sees justice. He sees us, his people whom he has called. We are the chosen one. Justice delay is not justice denied. How can I say this is unjust when my life has not been fully lived till the end. I can only thank God for being here with me through all of these troubles.
I'm glad also that at least I have a REAL Father who loves me, unlike the one here on earth who does not even care if I die. No one can imagine the pain that I'm going through right now, but who is to say that worst thing hasn't happened to others. I'm not saying that these are very rare cases. In saying that, why would God allow these things to happen if He wasn't going to use it for His glory? I know for a fact that my life will have a significant impact on mankind. I believe, in Jesus' name that I will be a figure of inspiration. I will bring hope to the lost souls and comfort the troublesome. I don't wish for these things to come, but now that they do come, I only ask that God would give me the strength to withstand these wickedness. My dad is possessed by demonic power. He knows that we are God-chosen people with a great future, living for God's glory and will be accomplishing significant things. It is therefore, understandable that the devil has chosen us out of everyone. He wants to stop God's amazing plan. But it will not happen. The devil are aggressive and they are able to destroy "things" but in them are nothing but hollowness. They have no power, but is only perceived to have a lot when really they have none. God is my ultimate God. Jesus is my Saviour. Through the Holy Spirit, I've been able to carry out wonderous ideas and plans. All thanks to the Almighty one in Heaven.
I love him so much. And I know even up to this point, that this is NOT the end. It's coming to an end but worst thing will happen. I know that for a fact. But I have to hang in there. I have to keep strong and faithful. I have to keep seeking His words and presence and dwell in Jesus for His wisdom to flow through me. There are many things that needs my attention right now, but I'm willing to cast them all aside and focus to God, because I know that as long as I fix my eyes on Him, He will give me anything and everything I need.
It hurts to think about my ex as well. But I'm so glad we're not together anymore. I'm glad that God is preparing someone for me right now, and the love that we will be having together will be beyond comprehension. I know I just have to wait. I'm really anxious and wishes that it'd come now, but I know it is definitely not the right time. I want things to happen His way, not my way, unless it flows with His will.
It hurts also to see my mum seeking the "fake" God hoping blessings would come. It hurts me to know that she is putting false hope into the wrong things (statues? dead people?). I hurts to know that she is so sincere about it which makes me really wonder WHEN she will find out the true God. But then, it makes me completely happy to realise that ONE DAY, yes (definitely) one day soon, she will find out about the God that I fell so deeply in love with, and hopefully will also surrender herself to Jesus and have a relationship with Him.
I'm just numb right now. Don't know what to do, what to think besides sitting like a dead log. I need to go photocopy stuff for mum, and I really want to work out as well because I didn't go gym this morning.
Can still not believe what kind of father I have. Betrayal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You want us to loose our house? You want to go to court? You want to make my mum look like the bad one? Go do that because we don't care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Justice will serve itself. You will loose everything if you want us to loose it all.
What goes around comes around. You're only pouring more fuel into your own fire. Then one day that fire will consume your life and death is the definitely consequence which will proceed. Death in the "lake of fire".
Yes I forgive you, but I will never never never come back to you. I will never never never want to get near you. You evil soul, I wish you all the best. But God has eyes and He watches over everyone. He sees everything that you do and you will pay for your own way of life. It's not a place for me to judge, but I ask God that He would judge justly and serve justice accordingly.
Have your way upon us, chosen people. Protect us from the evil plans. For you are with me. Whom shall I fear? Of whom shall I be afraid?
