God I want you to talk to me. I want you to speak to me. I need you so much Jesus.
I don't understand why I'm still feeling this way. I try to read, to listen to sermons, to be positive, to rest. I don't know what else to do. As positive as I am right now, I still feel like I'm out of energy..
I can't help but feel disappointed with myself for not carrying out my goal until the very end. Why do I always fail to meet the destination where I want to be at.
Why do I keep consuming all these foods when they literally give me so much pain and discomfort. Why does things have to be so confusing. I want to learn more and more, but it seems like the more I learn, the more crazy I get because I find it hard to follow multiple way of living.
Why can't I love the way I am?
Shouldn't I convince myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by YOU?
Yes I tell myself that, but why do I have such a hard time REALLY believing it?
Why am I like this Jesus?
I want to start a new hobby so bad but why haven't I done anything about it?????? Whyyy???? Why can't I make some time for it. Even if I'm that busy, I'm sure there are some time that I can put out righttt?? Righhtttt Lordd???
I've been waiting for this holiday for so long, but why is it so soon. Why is my body so sluggish and .... (disgusting)....
I know I shouldn't say those words but.... why :(
When will things get better....??? When??????????
WHEN WILL I EEVERRRRRRRRRR GET TO WHERE I WANT TO BEEEEEEEEE????????????????????????????????????????????
All I can really say is..
Thank you ...
for always being with me even when I think you're not. But you have always been and you will always will be.
I need a new revelation. A fresh Anointing. Jesus I'm calling out to you now..
Will you come, will you come???
You must because I believe so.
:(
My heart feels like it's literally teared up in a million pieces, shattered, unaltered, disheartened, old age, tired and is ready to be thrown away...
WHY WHY WHY
my mind....
Sunday, November 21, 2010
iPhone memo 2
October 31
Why this new way of life ?
- a sense of completeness & well being
- joy & happiness
- stable mood
- energy to carry out daily tasks to the fullest.
1. Have adequate rest. 9 hours.
2. One hour with God every morning.
3. Every single meal have fresh fruits/ vegetables with it. Living food taking up 2/3 of the daily intake.
4. Snack on FRUITS only!!! Listen to this and you will get what you want.
5. Find something I enjoy doing and do it 5 times a week. You will only succeed if you promise me you will do it 5 times a week. Zuzana is great. Try her.
6. Think from the inside out. (11:27pm)
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November 6
God?!
My heart hurts so much right now. Why does this have to happen? Why do I have to dream about the argument with my mum. If dreams have meaning then what does this dream mean?? Lord why does everything have to be so difficult. Even when I don't want to eat bad food I would get told off for. Why does these cooked diet have to be so conventional?? Why can't ppl understand what I'm going through rather than pushing me aside thinking that everything I do is a waste of time? Why wouldn't my mum
Understand me? Why can't she just let me rest?? I need it so bad. I'm seeking you now and will I feel any better? I honestly am sick of absolutely everything. I'm on my way to work now & I don't want any clients eventhough that would make me more money. But Jesus I'm so tired so restless. Why doesn't anything work? All these different ways of eating would not give me the body that I want. Jesus, you tell me that if I seek then I shall find so when will
I find it God? I need you to show me how and make me do that. Its not good enough just to know what to do but not applying it. It would be a waste otherwise. So God hear out for me. Please give me time out from everyone. I really need it. Let mum give me a break. I'm really tired & restless. I just want to be by myself!! I just wish I cam cry and cry and cry. I hate this weather as well. It's good if it was only occasionally but it's been like this for days. When will the sun comes out?? When will things get better? Yes I do have faith. Lord but when???????? When will that man come?? I seriously thought nothing could be worse than what I experienced months ago but I'm totally wrong. Worse and worse things keep on happening. I know everything happens for a reason but why are these things happening to me. And about this raw diet thing. Every single person who has gone through it have experienced something amazing and transformative but what about me?? For the past 2 weeks I haven't been feeling totally up to it. I thought it'd give you energy and a clarity. God I'm lost. Are you here?? Where are you? (7:13pm)
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November 15
Another new day.....
Well God I don't think I will ever forget last night. Let's just say the early morning of the 15th of november. I waited 8 years to tell her what I told her. God you know it all and now I know you were always preparing me. I can really relate to TD Jakes' message from his book. It's about using your failure, struggles and pain to be the fuel, force and retraction whilst aiming at my goal/ target. The stronger the retraction the greater the force that is exerted. Jesus I would have never thought that I would be able to tell her but I did and I think that she knows how much it meant to me so she was okay with it. At least now I don't have to lie to her. Thank you for hearing my prayers. Thank you for blessing me and seeing my effort that I've put into the fast. Thank you Jesus so much. I don't know how I would be like without you. And thinking back to last night where did I get that courage to say everything I did? I seriously don't know but what I do know is that the holy spirit was in me. I can't believe it still. But I'm happy now that mum is starting to understand more of who I am. I want to start dancing or exercising more often but I'm still trying to figure out the time. My heart hurts when I do think about how my mum was last night. I never thought she cared that much. I mean I knew but not to the point where she'd stayed at the lounge room lying there waiting for me, crying to me ect.....
I don't want to talk or think about that. It hurts me. Well I'm just hoping I'd get to work soon cz I caught the bus late.
Mums coming church with me soon so I'm just hoping that Jesus would bless me with another Vietnamese person who is of similar age with my mum so the she at least knows how things are like around the church. I'm just excited for what's to come. (9:41am)
------
November 17
Nothing can beat the amazing feeling after consuming fresh fruits and vegetables. My one and only banana & mango smoothie every morning. Absolutely delicious. I kept on eating breads and other processed cooked food but nothing leaves me satisfied but only sick in the stomach and wanting more food because it's still lacking sufficient nutrients. I love God. No matter what I do, he still loves me. He doesn't change like shifting shadows. He's the same yesterday, today and forever. Even in the midst of troubles, he doesn't care for me anymore than when my life is going just right. He is always so concerned about me. He is always working for my benefit. Jesus I lovvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee you so so so amazingly much. U hear me!!!! You know how much feelings and faith & prayers I've put in during my fasts. U know it all and your revelation to me is amazing. I have no doubt that it would come true. I mean, you've already made it happen but you need our prayers, my prayers for it to be released. Jesus I believe in you and I speak salvation into my mums life!!! I'm in love with you and you are truly magnificent!!! How can we watch these creations around us beautifying the world without acknowledging that there is a creator behind all this!! You are so great. So wonderful. How can this huge, incredible God created us this way just to express his love to us. At this particular size, in this position hanging in the midst of the cosmos, so small yet he gave us all the grand things for visual pleasure. I don't know. He is just too amazing. (11:05am)
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November 19
Dear God.
Can I just say how much I love you and how thankful I am. I have finally felt good about something. Thank you so much for allowing me to do something that is so rewarding. Even though I don't get paid that much but it doesn't matter. It reminds me that I am always dependent on you. I love you so much and thank you for reaching out to me. I know now that as long as I seek you first everything's going to be alright. You will bless me immensely. You have taught me to care more about how I FEEL instead of how I look or what i get. I know now that what is unseen is priceless and is so much more valuable than things that are visible. :) Jesus I want to screammmmm how much I love you. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! I now know how precious feeling great is. Doing what I love for a living. Eating things that just nourish me makes me feel great. Thank you for fruits and vegetables. Thank you for the sunshine and the fresh air. Thank you for rest. Thank you for comfort. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much God, Jesus, holy spirit. Thank you (11:20am)
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November 19
Everything seems so hard.
Why have I given up all that? Where are you Lord? I need you. I need you to show me the right way. Can you please show me how to do these things that you want me to do? Why does physical appearance have to be such an issue to me? Why doesn't work???!!! Why do I have to keep juggling with this weight problem. When can I have that body that I want. That utmost health level? Why wasn't I feelling as good when I was doing that raw diet? Why did everyone experience all these positive things but I rarely did? Is this the way you want us to live? Why does my family have to be so conventional? Why can't I find something that I enjoy doing so at least I can turn to it when I'm down. I've been so down lately. Do you know God? I'm on the way to work and I don't want to work. I just want to get away from this place!!!!!!! Lord why are there so much things and responsibilities on my shoulder. I need you so much but I don't seem to hear you. Is it because I'm not seeking your words? Why am I like this? How come I'm not energetic like last year. Always ready to wake up and go gym. Reaching to your word constantly. Do I have to do another NO- food fast? Water fast? I want to reach into your words but I want to be able to read things that are relevant. Lord why does my soul seem so weak. Why does ppl seem so happy while I'm just here having this deep sorrow in my heart? Can things get any better????? Every morning when I wake up, I no longer feel joy. I feel like I'm going through a beautiful day but in the tunnel of hell. I don't know who to turn to. I don't know who would understand and be able to comfort me, mentor me without being so blunt and demanding. Lord I've been wanting someone to come into my heart. Jesus you said that we can ask anything in Jesus' name and it shall be given. Can you please send me a mentor to guide me? I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. I'm just here living but slowing dying. I see my life as nothing but a shifting shadow. Why does it have to be this hard? I don't want to work. I don't want to do anything. I want to go away and cry my heart out!!!!!!!!!! Godddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd. Wherrrreeeeeee areeeeee yoouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Why aren't you showing me a wayyyyyy out?? :(
-------
I know that everything happens for a reason lord so I won't complain anymore but what I do ask is for your favor to be on me. god you know all the things I don't. you are more kowledgeable and you know why I have failed. you also know why I have failed this many times. god seriously I don't even know why that happened but I feel like you're preparing me for something big. are you setting me with someone who you want me to meet. god I lay it all in your hands. I know you love me and always want the best for me. these failures must happen for a reason. I don't think I'm that bad to a point where I've done 11 transient cut. I'm so scared of that cut now. Jesus I know I say let your will be done but I'm so so sad. I really am. I just want to finish in 6 weeks and not have to stay back. I really Need to pass at least 3 hair cuts this week. I really need to. I really need to. Jesus please I hope it's apart of your will. lord I need ur favor upon me I really need it. please be with me. anoint me with new gifts and talent so i can succeed!!!!!! please god I need you so much!!!!!!
Tell me why this is happening.
Tell me why I've failed once again. Tell me why you didn't do anything when I had so much faith. I believed that it would be a great rest of the day yet 2 of my models didn't turn up and in top of that I've done 12 transient cuts! Are you forsaking me? Are you punishing me? What did I do for you to not have your mercy upon me lord? I was aiming to pass at least 2 hair cuts but I passed none. Did you hear my cries? Did you hear me begging you? I know everything is done according to your will and not mine and I shoulnt have to understand everything but I still feel like the devil is attacking me or that you're punishing me. I don't know how I would go on. Am i overly confident? Am I not taking things slow? Am I not getting enough feedbacks? they're all wrong but I mean that's how they perceive me? As someone who thinks she knows everything? Well I don't and how can I make them not think that? He said I shoul relax? Take smaller sections. Okay I've been doing that. James told me. And I've been relaxing. The other girls both passed today but me. It's been 4 weeks. I just want to die and get away from everything. I don't know how much faith I will have anymore. Tomorrow is the interview and at this rate things are looking pretty bad. I just want to block everyone out and be by myself. Worrying is not going change the outcome and being happy is not going to change it either. It's the skill not a mental problem. Could it be that my family is affecting me? Have Angie even read the email? I'm so depressed and sad and is in great despair. My god my god why have you forsake me??
For some reasons I feel a little down right now. Firstly it's how I look and secondly it's how people perceive me. I mean the second is not that important because I know for a fact that I will achieve what I want through the power of God. I don't have to put my trust in anyone except for the one who made me and know exactly what my future looks like. I'm also glad that "that" feeling is going away slowly. I just don't think it's appropriate to feel what I felt before. Seriously I think I let my thoughts control my feelings too much. I shouldn't do that. Right now I'm just sad and depressed because I really hate how I look right now. I just want to get home asap so no one can look at me. That's how paranoid I am right now. I can't help but feel really disappointed of myself for letting me go like this. I've tried to set out goals but has NEVER been able to fully pursue that till the end. And when i don't see the results I just give up and start eating the wrong food again. Applied knowledge is power not just merely knowledge itself. I'm just unhappy with myself for not applying what I know but ignore it. What's the point of obtaining more knowledge when I don't even do it. God I hate that about me. I could never stay on track. I just want to be different now. I need to. I hate my face soooooooo much. It's getting so round and fat. I feel like my face has swelled. I feel sluggish. I need to find motivation to start once again. I need to. I have to. I have to look different. I want to feel different. I think I need to come home and really elaborate on the goals I have. I'm so lazy though. I ate too much bread today I think because my stomach doesn't feel too well and it feels bloated. I hate how I look. I hate it. I absolutely hateeeeee it :(
Why this new way of life ?
- a sense of completeness & well being
- joy & happiness
- stable mood
- energy to carry out daily tasks to the fullest.
1. Have adequate rest. 9 hours.
2. One hour with God every morning.
3. Every single meal have fresh fruits/ vegetables with it. Living food taking up 2/3 of the daily intake.
4. Snack on FRUITS only!!! Listen to this and you will get what you want.
5. Find something I enjoy doing and do it 5 times a week. You will only succeed if you promise me you will do it 5 times a week. Zuzana is great. Try her.
6. Think from the inside out. (11:27pm)
-------
November 6
God?!
My heart hurts so much right now. Why does this have to happen? Why do I have to dream about the argument with my mum. If dreams have meaning then what does this dream mean?? Lord why does everything have to be so difficult. Even when I don't want to eat bad food I would get told off for. Why does these cooked diet have to be so conventional?? Why can't ppl understand what I'm going through rather than pushing me aside thinking that everything I do is a waste of time? Why wouldn't my mum
Understand me? Why can't she just let me rest?? I need it so bad. I'm seeking you now and will I feel any better? I honestly am sick of absolutely everything. I'm on my way to work now & I don't want any clients eventhough that would make me more money. But Jesus I'm so tired so restless. Why doesn't anything work? All these different ways of eating would not give me the body that I want. Jesus, you tell me that if I seek then I shall find so when will
I find it God? I need you to show me how and make me do that. Its not good enough just to know what to do but not applying it. It would be a waste otherwise. So God hear out for me. Please give me time out from everyone. I really need it. Let mum give me a break. I'm really tired & restless. I just want to be by myself!! I just wish I cam cry and cry and cry. I hate this weather as well. It's good if it was only occasionally but it's been like this for days. When will the sun comes out?? When will things get better? Yes I do have faith. Lord but when???????? When will that man come?? I seriously thought nothing could be worse than what I experienced months ago but I'm totally wrong. Worse and worse things keep on happening. I know everything happens for a reason but why are these things happening to me. And about this raw diet thing. Every single person who has gone through it have experienced something amazing and transformative but what about me?? For the past 2 weeks I haven't been feeling totally up to it. I thought it'd give you energy and a clarity. God I'm lost. Are you here?? Where are you? (7:13pm)
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November 15
Another new day.....
Well God I don't think I will ever forget last night. Let's just say the early morning of the 15th of november. I waited 8 years to tell her what I told her. God you know it all and now I know you were always preparing me. I can really relate to TD Jakes' message from his book. It's about using your failure, struggles and pain to be the fuel, force and retraction whilst aiming at my goal/ target. The stronger the retraction the greater the force that is exerted. Jesus I would have never thought that I would be able to tell her but I did and I think that she knows how much it meant to me so she was okay with it. At least now I don't have to lie to her. Thank you for hearing my prayers. Thank you for blessing me and seeing my effort that I've put into the fast. Thank you Jesus so much. I don't know how I would be like without you. And thinking back to last night where did I get that courage to say everything I did? I seriously don't know but what I do know is that the holy spirit was in me. I can't believe it still. But I'm happy now that mum is starting to understand more of who I am. I want to start dancing or exercising more often but I'm still trying to figure out the time. My heart hurts when I do think about how my mum was last night. I never thought she cared that much. I mean I knew but not to the point where she'd stayed at the lounge room lying there waiting for me, crying to me ect.....
I don't want to talk or think about that. It hurts me. Well I'm just hoping I'd get to work soon cz I caught the bus late.
Mums coming church with me soon so I'm just hoping that Jesus would bless me with another Vietnamese person who is of similar age with my mum so the she at least knows how things are like around the church. I'm just excited for what's to come. (9:41am)
------
November 17
Nothing can beat the amazing feeling after consuming fresh fruits and vegetables. My one and only banana & mango smoothie every morning. Absolutely delicious. I kept on eating breads and other processed cooked food but nothing leaves me satisfied but only sick in the stomach and wanting more food because it's still lacking sufficient nutrients. I love God. No matter what I do, he still loves me. He doesn't change like shifting shadows. He's the same yesterday, today and forever. Even in the midst of troubles, he doesn't care for me anymore than when my life is going just right. He is always so concerned about me. He is always working for my benefit. Jesus I lovvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee you so so so amazingly much. U hear me!!!! You know how much feelings and faith & prayers I've put in during my fasts. U know it all and your revelation to me is amazing. I have no doubt that it would come true. I mean, you've already made it happen but you need our prayers, my prayers for it to be released. Jesus I believe in you and I speak salvation into my mums life!!! I'm in love with you and you are truly magnificent!!! How can we watch these creations around us beautifying the world without acknowledging that there is a creator behind all this!! You are so great. So wonderful. How can this huge, incredible God created us this way just to express his love to us. At this particular size, in this position hanging in the midst of the cosmos, so small yet he gave us all the grand things for visual pleasure. I don't know. He is just too amazing. (11:05am)
-------
November 19
Dear God.
Can I just say how much I love you and how thankful I am. I have finally felt good about something. Thank you so much for allowing me to do something that is so rewarding. Even though I don't get paid that much but it doesn't matter. It reminds me that I am always dependent on you. I love you so much and thank you for reaching out to me. I know now that as long as I seek you first everything's going to be alright. You will bless me immensely. You have taught me to care more about how I FEEL instead of how I look or what i get. I know now that what is unseen is priceless and is so much more valuable than things that are visible. :) Jesus I want to screammmmm how much I love you. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! I now know how precious feeling great is. Doing what I love for a living. Eating things that just nourish me makes me feel great. Thank you for fruits and vegetables. Thank you for the sunshine and the fresh air. Thank you for rest. Thank you for comfort. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much God, Jesus, holy spirit. Thank you (11:20am)
------
November 19
Everything seems so hard.
Why have I given up all that? Where are you Lord? I need you. I need you to show me the right way. Can you please show me how to do these things that you want me to do? Why does physical appearance have to be such an issue to me? Why doesn't work???!!! Why do I have to keep juggling with this weight problem. When can I have that body that I want. That utmost health level? Why wasn't I feelling as good when I was doing that raw diet? Why did everyone experience all these positive things but I rarely did? Is this the way you want us to live? Why does my family have to be so conventional? Why can't I find something that I enjoy doing so at least I can turn to it when I'm down. I've been so down lately. Do you know God? I'm on the way to work and I don't want to work. I just want to get away from this place!!!!!!! Lord why are there so much things and responsibilities on my shoulder. I need you so much but I don't seem to hear you. Is it because I'm not seeking your words? Why am I like this? How come I'm not energetic like last year. Always ready to wake up and go gym. Reaching to your word constantly. Do I have to do another NO- food fast? Water fast? I want to reach into your words but I want to be able to read things that are relevant. Lord why does my soul seem so weak. Why does ppl seem so happy while I'm just here having this deep sorrow in my heart? Can things get any better????? Every morning when I wake up, I no longer feel joy. I feel like I'm going through a beautiful day but in the tunnel of hell. I don't know who to turn to. I don't know who would understand and be able to comfort me, mentor me without being so blunt and demanding. Lord I've been wanting someone to come into my heart. Jesus you said that we can ask anything in Jesus' name and it shall be given. Can you please send me a mentor to guide me? I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. I'm just here living but slowing dying. I see my life as nothing but a shifting shadow. Why does it have to be this hard? I don't want to work. I don't want to do anything. I want to go away and cry my heart out!!!!!!!!!! Godddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd. Wherrrreeeeeee areeeeee yoouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Why aren't you showing me a wayyyyyy out?? :(
-------
During Vadering
I know that everything happens for a reason lord so I won't complain anymore but what I do ask is for your favor to be on me. god you know all the things I don't. you are more kowledgeable and you know why I have failed. you also know why I have failed this many times. god seriously I don't even know why that happened but I feel like you're preparing me for something big. are you setting me with someone who you want me to meet. god I lay it all in your hands. I know you love me and always want the best for me. these failures must happen for a reason. I don't think I'm that bad to a point where I've done 11 transient cut. I'm so scared of that cut now. Jesus I know I say let your will be done but I'm so so sad. I really am. I just want to finish in 6 weeks and not have to stay back. I really Need to pass at least 3 hair cuts this week. I really need to. I really need to. Jesus please I hope it's apart of your will. lord I need ur favor upon me I really need it. please be with me. anoint me with new gifts and talent so i can succeed!!!!!! please god I need you so much!!!!!!
Tell me why this is happening.
Tell me why I've failed once again. Tell me why you didn't do anything when I had so much faith. I believed that it would be a great rest of the day yet 2 of my models didn't turn up and in top of that I've done 12 transient cuts! Are you forsaking me? Are you punishing me? What did I do for you to not have your mercy upon me lord? I was aiming to pass at least 2 hair cuts but I passed none. Did you hear my cries? Did you hear me begging you? I know everything is done according to your will and not mine and I shoulnt have to understand everything but I still feel like the devil is attacking me or that you're punishing me. I don't know how I would go on. Am i overly confident? Am I not taking things slow? Am I not getting enough feedbacks? they're all wrong but I mean that's how they perceive me? As someone who thinks she knows everything? Well I don't and how can I make them not think that? He said I shoul relax? Take smaller sections. Okay I've been doing that. James told me. And I've been relaxing. The other girls both passed today but me. It's been 4 weeks. I just want to die and get away from everything. I don't know how much faith I will have anymore. Tomorrow is the interview and at this rate things are looking pretty bad. I just want to block everyone out and be by myself. Worrying is not going change the outcome and being happy is not going to change it either. It's the skill not a mental problem. Could it be that my family is affecting me? Have Angie even read the email? I'm so depressed and sad and is in great despair. My god my god why have you forsake me??
For some reasons I feel a little down right now. Firstly it's how I look and secondly it's how people perceive me. I mean the second is not that important because I know for a fact that I will achieve what I want through the power of God. I don't have to put my trust in anyone except for the one who made me and know exactly what my future looks like. I'm also glad that "that" feeling is going away slowly. I just don't think it's appropriate to feel what I felt before. Seriously I think I let my thoughts control my feelings too much. I shouldn't do that. Right now I'm just sad and depressed because I really hate how I look right now. I just want to get home asap so no one can look at me. That's how paranoid I am right now. I can't help but feel really disappointed of myself for letting me go like this. I've tried to set out goals but has NEVER been able to fully pursue that till the end. And when i don't see the results I just give up and start eating the wrong food again. Applied knowledge is power not just merely knowledge itself. I'm just unhappy with myself for not applying what I know but ignore it. What's the point of obtaining more knowledge when I don't even do it. God I hate that about me. I could never stay on track. I just want to be different now. I need to. I hate my face soooooooo much. It's getting so round and fat. I feel like my face has swelled. I feel sluggish. I need to find motivation to start once again. I need to. I have to. I have to look different. I want to feel different. I think I need to come home and really elaborate on the goals I have. I'm so lazy though. I ate too much bread today I think because my stomach doesn't feel too well and it feels bloated. I hate how I look. I hate it. I absolutely hateeeeee it :(
iPhone memo
October 19
Lord. I don't want to keep looking at myself because every time I do I never end up liking what I see. Please remind me of what is unseen which have a lasting impact. Please help me to concentrate not on myself but on you where I will always find peace and joy and satisfaction. God help me to kickstart this journey with strength and please bless me with the consistency that I need to take this to the very end without falling. God I desperately need you so much. Please speak to me and give me that motivation back in my life!! I need you so much. I need you. (12:56pm)
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October 28
3rd day of work.
Thank you Jesus for blessing me with my last client. It's always good to end the day on a good note. I'm so happy that I was able to make my client happy & its wonderful to know that I can use my gift to bless others. Jesus u know yesterday wasn't great and I did not have many clients today but what I do know is that you are God and you have an amazing plan for my life. U know for a fact that this is where u want me to be and thar this journey will take me to my calling, my dream. I'm so honoured to be serving you. I'm honored to be working in such a place. Not everyone there is GREAT but I don't look at it like that. I will use my time wisely to learn as much as possible from everyone. If I can help out with something, I will. Just because I'm a stylist doesn't mean I wont sweep up or do the washing. Jesus I don't know what tomorrow will hold for me but you are with me, I know that for a fact. You are always with me whether Im aware of it or not. Jesus please help me with everything tomorrow. I still struggle to fit in my 45 minutes appointment. Please help me to speed up but still have the quality haircut. Jesus I am nothing without you. I depend on you forever & always. (9:08pm)
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Lord. I don't want to keep looking at myself because every time I do I never end up liking what I see. Please remind me of what is unseen which have a lasting impact. Please help me to concentrate not on myself but on you where I will always find peace and joy and satisfaction. God help me to kickstart this journey with strength and please bless me with the consistency that I need to take this to the very end without falling. God I desperately need you so much. Please speak to me and give me that motivation back in my life!! I need you so much. I need you. (12:56pm)
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October 28
3rd day of work.
Thank you Jesus for blessing me with my last client. It's always good to end the day on a good note. I'm so happy that I was able to make my client happy & its wonderful to know that I can use my gift to bless others. Jesus u know yesterday wasn't great and I did not have many clients today but what I do know is that you are God and you have an amazing plan for my life. U know for a fact that this is where u want me to be and thar this journey will take me to my calling, my dream. I'm so honoured to be serving you. I'm honored to be working in such a place. Not everyone there is GREAT but I don't look at it like that. I will use my time wisely to learn as much as possible from everyone. If I can help out with something, I will. Just because I'm a stylist doesn't mean I wont sweep up or do the washing. Jesus I don't know what tomorrow will hold for me but you are with me, I know that for a fact. You are always with me whether Im aware of it or not. Jesus please help me with everything tomorrow. I still struggle to fit in my 45 minutes appointment. Please help me to speed up but still have the quality haircut. Jesus I am nothing without you. I depend on you forever & always. (9:08pm)
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