Today has got to be most tiring day in a really long time. I felt like it went by so slow.... like extremely slow. It was so quite at work and I was extremely bored. I just wanted to go home and take a sick leave. Then I thought about last night's talk on "Complacency", then I felt like I must hang on. I had 2 last clients and it was terrible waiting and waiting and waiting, having nothing to do was so frustrating. But I'm glad that when my clients did come, I got out of that mindset and was happy once again. I think I'm like that with most things, it takes a lot for me to get up and do something, but once I start, I will love it. Like waking up in the morning for example; I really want to wake up in the morning but I get really tired and lazy. However as long as I'm UP and is BRUSHING my teeth, I'M AWAKE! But that process of deciding whether or not to wake up is the hardest. Should I sleep or should I get up. And it only takes that LITTLE effort to start the momentum. Also, with exercising, sometimes I really want to do it, but I'm just not bothered because I don't feel motivated enough, but once I've decided on what I would be doing and when and where and do it RIGHT AWAY, I carry along with it...
Well I was extremely restless when I got home, I could not even smile. I know God loves me and cares for me but I feel like the wait is so long. My connect group prayed for me so that God will keep me in His will and send me a model soon, but it's tonight already, the day before I'm suppose to finalise everything and I haven't even got one. I need to meet up with everyone to discuss the theme but it sucks not knowing what model I'm going to get. It's hard because I don't even know what hair I can do because I'm unsure of what length she might have. I don't even know if I can even do "Passionista" because will anyone wants to have their hair coloured red? (Must I add that they have to have the right look!)
Am I being to picky? No I think I'm selective and the photographer is helping me choose. I'm not loosing faith but I'm just really saddddddd!!!!! and worried!!! even though I know I SHOULDN'T! It sucks so bad!!!!!!!
I have faith because I know what happened last year. How I was so desperate for everything to come together and how I NEEDED a model so bad and eventually, you gave me the perfect model. The model that helped me get my scholarship and hence I'm working at Toni&Guy.
Lord, I don't know when she will come but GOD PLEASE LET HER COME SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP JESUS!!!!!!!
YOU ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I WILL SHOOT,
WHO I WILL SHOOT WITH
WHICH ONE IS THE MODEL
WHAT THE THEME IS
WHAT MY IDEAS ARE
HOW THE HAIR WILL LOOK LIKE
HOW THE MEETING TOMORROW WILL BE
YOU know it all Jesus but please, please I BEG YOU, I BEG you, grant me a model soon. The RIGHT one, The CHOSEN one. And what ever it is you want me to do. LET me know! Let me know so I can please you Jesus. I want to run a race to win. I want to win simply because with your help I CAN! Even if I didn't receive any rewards, but just knowing that I did it with you, and you were on the same journey as me, makes me extremely happy. And winning FOR you, that's even more amazing.
God I know you are in control, however long it takes, you are in control.
You know everything inside out and outside in. You know the beginning and the end and you don't live in time but outside of time. You see everything simultaneously. You are great and I trust in you. I wonder if I have to fast when you are already planning to give me what I need.
As much faith as I have right now, I'm still sad, perhaps not happy. I love you God....
Please help me to plan everything for tomorrow, all the ideas ect... I hope we can talk about many things and really help each other
But most of all Jesus, TEACH me through this journey....
I love you
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