I am desperate... I am in great need of a mentor. I can't do this on my own. I need someone to guide me. I need someone to hold me accountable. I've been chasing this for 8 years. I'm caught up in the vicious cycle of stopping and starting. Failing and continuing, yet still giving up at the end. Why do I have to do that? Why am I so weak. I feel like apart of me is being taken over by satan's power.
I'm on my 2nd day of water fast. I'm so restless. I can't even smile. I don't even want to do anything. I can't even be bothered to clean my clothes on the floor or do my interior designing assignment. I know I really need to get them done eventually and I don't want to give up or delay it. I hate how I'm always giving up or not feeling bothered. I haven't fasted in so long and this time around it is so hard. I can't believe how hard it is. I'm actually going on a 3 day fast but was hoping I can continue and maybe do a 40 days. But that seems so long and hard. But I'll just take it one day at a time.
I need blessings and wisdom for Wella Trend Vision as well. I didn't win last year. My entry didn't even get through but because I fasted with Xiao Wei, it was recieved at the end of the day. I didn't know until I started work at World Square and someone told me they saw my work. But still I wasn't even invited to the national final. I think mine came heaps late. But who cares, thats over and done with and now is a new year. I want to do extremely well and I know with God's power I will be able to succeed in a supernatural way. I want to win not because of selfish ambition but because I know I'm capable. I may be young but I have God and God promised me that he will make me prosper. I'd like to come a long way and win. I'd like an opportunity to do something for Jesus. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that God knows. I trust everything he gives me. What I also know is that, God wouldn't put this competition in my heart if he wasn't going to bless me in it. So i know for a fact that he will be with me. He will advise me on what to do, which model to pick, what theme to do, what MUA to choose, what photographer works best and so on. I'm excited. But right now, I'm more exhausted than I've been. I'm so hungry but it's okay. I need to cry out to God and show God how much I want this. I have to give up my body as a living sacrifice before him..
God please bless me.. Please bless me... Please give me wisdom and give me a mentor.
In Jesus' name....Amen
