Hillsong College or Hair....

So it is 6 weeks until Hillsong Conference and I'm believing that God will provide me finacially.

It seems like everytime I earn money, it just all goes away and I can't seem to save anything. I'm quite sad about it...

Also, I know God wants me to go to Hillsong College, and I wouldn't mind going but I love doing hair and I want to also pursue that. What about when Steven Furtick says, God's will is whatever. Doesn't that mean I can love God and do whatever that's pleasing?

I've left my job to pursue my career and also to serve more, but I didn't think God would call me into college. What will happen after I do college anyway?

I will know more about his word, know more about myself... I don't really know what to expect.

And if I keep doing what I am doing... pursuing my hair career, what will happen? I will become more skillful, have more experience, influence many people...

I know I should not be selfish...and WHERE is Jesus in these 2 things? Well I think they're in both.

And also you said not to find a job because you have something prepared for me. Could this be what you've prepared? A job with Muse or College?

And I'm also believing for a perfect schedule job. I'm just going to send my resume in anyway and see what happens? And I should stop asking all those what if's questions.

Jesus I'm all confused and don't know what to do. I know you've called me into college but I'm not that excited or convinced about it....

And I still want to pursue hair... :(((

I know if I stop it's going to be so hard to pick it back up!

Mid life crisis

Dear God,

You know my every thought. You know my every need. I praise you for you have made me and you have watched over me all these years. I ask that you keep reminding me to be thankful and to have faith that you will work things out. You know how anxious I've been feeling lately. You know that there are things that I want to do and money is one of the challenges.

Lord, first of all thank you for helping start the make up course. I think it will be very beneficial. I thank you that you've helped me with the hair and make up today. I hope it turned out well. I really hope so. I'm so anxious of what Andrew would think if he zooms in and sees that the skin isn't that perfect. I know I could have done better but then again, what I did today was way beyond what I could normally have done anyway. I thank God for everything. I thank you for everything Jesus. Thank you so much.

Lord initially I wanted to just write down all my thoughts and my anxiety. But I will not do that, I will instead give you praises Jesus! I will not complain. I believe that you are for me and you want the best for me!

Thank you Jesus for everything. I know that you'll provide me with the money for Perth. You will surely increase our capacities to serve and lead. You will grow our team. You will give me the perfect job that fits my schedule perfectly. You will lead my family to you. You will bless me. You will make a way for me to go to Hillsong College. You will give peace to the conversation that I'll be having with my mum. You will send Jordan to me soon. You will give me contentment. You will give me joy. You will give me peace. You will bless our team and increase the momentum. You will never leave or forsake us. You are for us!!!!! And therefore nothing can be against us. Lord I know you will continue to anoint me with God given creativity. I thank you for everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May my life be yours forever. May all that I do be a mirror of Jesus. May your presence shine through me. May I reach the lost and heal the broken and bring them all to you. You are my father, and I am your child. Thank you so much Jesus.

I miss Paris so much

I don't know why but all of sudden tonight, as I was looking through the old photos, I started to reminisce all the memories I had in France and Italy. And oh how I miss Paris.

Here I am sitting here typing these words and I can begin to cry. I don't know what it is about Paris but I've always felt like my heart belongs there.... I've always felt like that's my home. Even though I don't speak French and is not intending to learn the language but there's something about it that just draws my heart towards it. I felt like one day I might marry a French guy one day.

I long to one day meet Jordan.

I feel so emotional today...

I feel like Paris is my love, and I'm missing 'him'. But Paris is not a person. I guess it's just a place where I was so free and I released myself and found myself in a whole new way.

I long to see Jesus face to face too, but until then, I will have to keep doing what I do.

I also felt like I haven't been reading his word as much as before. I need to get back to it.

I was really tired today and I slept through the time I was meant to be at church. I knew I should've just got up but it was hard since I was so sleepy and tired.

Why do I miss Paris so much.

I also want to loose weight. I have not been watching what I eat and I'm really feeling the consequences. I want to be fitter and feel better than what I feel now.

On that note, I know this is superficial but I really want a nose job and an eye job. I know I know I know this world is temporal but I truly believe that if I get even just my eyes done I will be so much more confident with myself. I hate how I have to wear make up to cover up. Make up is meant to enhance, but I use it to cover up myself. I hate that. I love me, but I would prefer to have different set of eyes. Jesus please understand. I know you are probably not too happy with this and I want to please you, but it's so hard living with myself looking like this.

Please let me do it Lord. Please give me the peace to do it.

Please let it be a gift to me Jesus!! :( Please