I feel like I'm responsible for so many things. I feel like people don't know me and don't know how I feel. I want to get away and I don't want to belong here. Obviously I'm not of the world, and I'm only in it. I wonder when I can get away from this place, even though I know I need to accomplish God's calling for my life first. Why does things seem so apparent at first and then it's like a blur. Why does things need to change so quickly so often? I don't understand. I need to do so many things and I don't want to stressed over it. There are so many things I want to do but other things keep stealing my time, namely the restaurant design. It's causing me a lot of stress and thinking. I would've spent this time on say, reading the bible, listening to Brian Tracy DVDs, read my book "The richest man of Babylon" or "Caught between a dream and a job" OR I could've spent time on my assignment that I've been holding off for a while.
I need to cut Chi's friends hair later on, and I'm really not bothered, I don't want to do it because I don't have time. I can use it for more useful things. I need to go to the salon to watch Chris' & James' presentations at 5 so I can't attend the 5 service, which mean I will get home pretty late. I need to go to other friend's place to cut their hair too and I don't want to do it because I don't think they are paying me and I can't tell them that I'm charging them because the first time I did their hair, I did not. I don't want to make it seem like I'm all about money but still that's a lot of my time that I'm losing and I don't get anything out of it. I want every single second of my time to be beneficial and worth investing. I don't want to charge them because I know in the future I might need their help and so on, but still, my price is pretty high in the salon, and it's my WORK so how can people think they can just get it for free.
I'm stressed and I do feel the way I think is not very mature.
I need guidance and I feel like I'm getting any and I don't know what God is planning for me..
I just want to cry, I'm hungry but I'm loosing my appetite, I don't want to eat and I've never been like this except when I broke up with my ex.
I don't know what God wants me to do. If God wants me to learn Italian, can he at least show me where to go? If He wants me to speak, can he show me where to start??
:(
