And life..just like this it goes...

Why is it like this. yes I thank God for helping our restaurants but I wish I had time off to recover myself. When will this end? Where will I go from here? My heart is as heavy as rocks weighing down my heart. I feel so down and I wish someone, someone would come and hear me cry. Just listen and hear me out and not necessarily find faults in me, making it seems like I'm not dealing with my life rightly enough. I know I can be better but I can't help that I've gotten to where I am today. My heart is burning with grief, with anxiety. I wish someone, someone, someone would come and comfort me. I wish people would stop underestimate me or look down on me. I wish I would have the strength to go on. I wish there were less things to do or that I would have better time management skills. I wish time would pause so I can take a breather. Does anyone know how I feel? Do you know how I feel God? Do you? Will things get better? I know they will but when?? Why don't people believe in me? I hate how tonight, as I was visiting Grandpa, I recommended that he should drink Aloe Vera drink and that I would bring it to him next time. And he just laughed and said for me not to and keep it to sell it to other people. It hurts me because he doesn't believe in me. Even grandma was asking about LR, and I was disappointed to say that I have made no progress because I didn't have time. When will I find time? When will I finally prioritise the right things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm rock bottom and no one knows about it. It's affecting me so much and people can see that. They see how mean I've become, how easily agitated I've become, how sad & depressed, how quite and unmotivated I've become. And that's not me! That's not me at all. I'm burnt out! I really am. I don't know what's important anymore and I don't know what to stop doing and what to put effort in. Everything I do seems so...passive now. Nothing seems as though it will be that significant anymore. Even if I want to make something happen, I kept getting pushed down, rejection and rejection. :( It saddens me and I'm envious of people who have been so successful in LR. I know envy comes only when you know life is not fair and that you believe that you don't have what it takes to get there. This is wrong thinking I know, but I know too many things to a point where I no longer listens and pays attention to them. My heart just hurts, and burns. This is not a very good season for me. Maybe, I don't know. I didn't hit my retail last week and the week before that. 2 weeks in a row and this has never happened. I can't call this accident. I know my boss will tell me off but I'm prepared and I will not say 'but this, but that' I will take full responsibility for everything. Where has my passion and drive gone? where is that fire in me now? Where is that determination to get clients in and talk to them about products, treatments and the rest??? Where has that gone?????? Have I gone too comfortable and complacent with myself? Have I diverged my attention to something else? God ALL I WANT FOR YOU TO GIVE ME IS REST! AND TO SHOW ME WHERE TO GO NEXT. TO SHOW ME WHAT IS IMPORTANT AND WHAT IS NOT. TO SHOW ME HOW TO DEDICATE MY TIME ACCORDINGLY. HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE. HOW TO REACH MY DREAMS AND GOALS. Apart from the time that I talked to Cahl, I have not been feeling at peace. This morning was stupid and crazy and full of negative energy because of my sister and mum. Talking to W- didn't really help. He just gave me ridiculous advice and he was stubborn. I want to fly away. I want to get away from this place and just GET AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone take me. I don't know if I'm going to Melbourne for LR or not. I'll let it up to God but don't think I will. I have 2 weeks left and don't think I will reach 21%. Oh well. life sucks. I'm stuck in this hole. I'm confined. I want so many things but I have no time and definitely not the right mindset to make everything well. I hate myself for the way I've been acting.

Life really kills me at the moment. I'm laying off church for a while and just want to be away for a little bit. I wish I can get annual leave as well. Life sucks so bad right now. Sucks Sucks Sucks!



I'm just sad...and why do I have to be like this?

I want to cry but I can't even cry

Depressed...& stressed

show details 10:25 AM (13 hours ago)

Can't find a smile on my face. No matter what I try. I feel like a blank emotionless canvas. I feel stuck in a space where decisions need to be made. But I have no will. I've lost hope. And I thought I'd gained hope but it's so hard. I cried and cried to sleep. I stayed up pondering about everything, yet I don't feel anything. I don't feel as though anything is progressing. I feel discourage. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm on my way to work & my heart is very heavy. It weighs me down with sorrows, with disappointment. I don't want it to affect my work. I need to make the sales. I need to? Have I changed? Have I lost concentration? When will I leave this place? When will things be less chaotic? When will I find the strength to push forth & start planning my life. I know God has a plan for me but why isn't he showing me which path I should take next! I want a day off. I want a mentor who can speak to me & counsel me. Is that too hard to ask for? I've been wanting one for so long. Or are you not giving it to me because you want me to seek you instead. Well I am seeking you but why is it that I still feel so lost?? I feel like there's no direction in my life. I feel like I'm going in all directions possible. My heart is burdened. When will hope come? 

show details 12:11 AM (23 hours ago)

Why is my life like this? Will anyone help me'???? Will anyone??? Will I succeed?? Will I achieve my goals?? Why is it so hard? Why ???? Why ?????????? :((((((((((((((((((((((( Whyyyyyyyy? Why all the money going? Why no time??? Why too many things going on??? Why is God's promises not present?? I feel hopeless. Cried to him & .... Nothing ..... I see nothing ...... Nothing is better. No time to do what I want :( 

Work

Photoshoots

LR

Ewen Chia

Bank Account

Church

Connect group 

A millionaire

Restaurant 

Rearrange room

Assignment

Book - hairstylist

Psychology of selling !

Set goals: Brian Tracy

Makeover parties

Collection launch

Anintas hens night 

Wedding 

Money $40 for studio 

Wedding ria

Hair cuts Vicky & groom

Hair cut Ade. Fb. 

Compassion letter 

Bank detail for LR

Order lip brush for Nisha

American crew consent form

Leighton's birthday 

I am going crazy! Literally!

show details Oct 13 (2 days ago)

It's already half a month gone. I don't want to give up but why is it so hard to get started. I know opportunities are always mixed with difficulties. And accepting & overcoming that is what will make me successful. lord, how I pray that you will help me Lord. I really want this. Help me to time manage. Help me to set my priorities right. I really need your help God. I really want to make this happen & I don't want to delay any longer. Show which opportunity to go for. Help me to create my own opportunities. Help me' Jesus. 

Lost...

I feel so lost. I feel like there are so many things that I need to do, or 'want' to do but just don't have the time for them. I wish I had a coach. I wish I could have guidance in this area of my life because at the moment I feel like I'm trying to do too much all at once. I feel like I have the tools but I'm not using them the right way. I feel like if I had less to do and concentrate solely to just one thing then it's easier to achieve what I want especially when I want to have things done fast. I want to reach my goals fast. I'm ambitious and I want to do a lot whilst  I'm young. Sometimes I ask myself whether or not this is something God wants me to do. But if it wasn't something god wanted me to do why would he put that desire in my heart. And besides it's legitimate. Jesus I feel so lost and I wish that you would guide me. I feel extremely lost. I just want to concentrate to do one thing at a time. But at the moment I feel like I'm not only trying to better myself at retailing at work (hence studying the psychology of selling) but I'm also wanting to do photoshoots on my day off to build my portfolio and eventually get signed (and that takes much time & commitment). Also, I want to become the president of LR one day and my short term goal is to become an organizational leader in 6 months time & that takes tremendous amount of work & I would need to find people for my down lines. I would need to do make up parties. I would need to commit my time to meet up & coach ppl & be flexible with my time. I also want to finish off my interior designing assignments. I hate the fact that I would always bring it up to people saying that I am studying when in actual fact I'm not even doing anything because I don't have time. I wonder if I'm caught in the chaos of things & forgetting my godly mission & purpose. Am I instead meant to do things like volunteering at church? Am I meant to have a connect group & lead them? But what about my dream to become an entrepreneur and an elite international hair stylist??  :((( it saddens me that human (such as myself) can be so caught up doing things our own way & now I understand how hard it is to mover our agenda aside & let him do what he wants in my life. I know I will get so far. I know I will succeed at all these things I'm doing but why is it so hard Jesus. And with the Affiliate marketing thing. Am I wasting my money?? Is it worth going to the seminar? Have I been too hasty in trying chase after money? But the whole point is trying learn new things. God please send me a coach. Please rectify my life. I place my whole agenda aside and you know what. Do whatever you want Jesus. Take away whatever you wish because I want to follow you Lord.