Dear God,
I just finished emailing George the Agent. I wrote an essay seriously. But you know what God, I'm glad that all these things are happening because you are strengthening my character from this. I'm not thankful for these situations but I am thankful in these times because I know you are with me. I cling to you God and I'm never letting you go. And I know the moment that I let you go is the moment I fail because that's when I start to operate in my own ability. But I'm living in a war here on earth and the devil is much greater than I am, however, when I am in you I overcome everything, and your strength is my strength. And there is no such things as failures, there is only success. And I know I am success because of you.
Jesus I put all my faith and trust in you and believe for a break through. I believe that because you see my faithfulness you will allow miracles and supernatural interventions to take place. I don't know how it will happen but I know in the name of Jesus it will happen. You are a faithful God Jesus. You are a faithful God, my one and only. I lay before you my troubles and fears and believe that you have a great plan for my life. I believe also that this blog will serve your purpose somehow in the future. I don't know how people will react to such personal things written on this but I'm doing this out of faith, and because you told me to keep record of my journey and that is why I'm doing it.
Jesus I thank you that I have a peace in my heart even though things are like hurricane around me. Everything is chaotic and happening wrongly, I'm tired at work and so on. But IN YOU I find strength, I find hope, I find another reason to live for. I want to serve you and that's it. I just want to live for you and do what I can to glorify you.
Throughout summerfest, I feel strongly about you speaking to me in regards to my priorities. I keep feeling as though you were asking me if I was willing to put aside my career for you. Putting aside my dreams for you. And I cried and cried and cried because these dreams mean so much to me. But then, I knew that living for you is much greater and bringing you glory is also much greater, so I've decided that I will no longer place work before you. I will not place career before you anymore Jesus. I've decided that on the weekends, I will work my schedules around church not the other way around. I know people have different opinions of me when they ask me where I'm going after. I'm not afraid of saying I'm going to church anymore because I don't want to make excuses or hide it of 'fluff' it up with candy words. The only exception is work because it's a really sensitive place there and I can't afford to speak up in those kind of situation. There's been a few people that I spoke to about my faith and none of them comes back, except Luke Ma because he is my regular.
Even though mum was loosing such a big amount of money, I believe that you will give her back everything and even more because you are a faithful God. No matter how long it takes, how long it makes me wait, I know for a fact that SHE is in the book of life and you will save her :) I'm so happy to know that God. I know that I am the first generation christian and I'm proud to be one. I'm so happy that Chi will come back to you slowly as well. I'm proud of her for her independence right now; paying for her school fees with her own money and stuff. That's really nice of her. I thank you that we've been getting on with each other really well. I know that it's mostly because "I" chose to change my attitude towards her, and you know what, it's so true when you say "Just Love..." because when you just love them, you change everything!! You change everything you do, you change the way you think of them, and in turn you change the way they think of you. Jesus I'm not too worried about her studies, she is a bright girl and you have gifted her with some special talent. She will have an amazing future. The only thing I ask is that you would reveal your plan to her. She is lost at the moment and she does not know what she wants to do in the future. I hope that you would speak to her somehow and reach into her heart and plant a seed that will help her decide what and who she wants to live for. :) Thank you Jesus.
For this other tribunal problem with the tenant. I also feel a lot of peace about it. As I was writing the letter, I feel like you have your hands on this. I'm clinging onto you still and I will live by your rules not the rules of this world. I know that you will intervene and whatever happens, I know you will do it for your kingdom, and your glory will be shown. I love you and thank you so much for helping my mum not to stress out. And even if she is still listening to chanting and stuff, I know one day she will know you. I don't know how but I know she will and I thank you.
Also, God, I was looking at Hair Expo today and to my surprise, I realised that the entry is actually closing on 22nd of Feb and I kept on thinking that it was closing in June. I really want to enter to see how far I could go. But I felt like it's a little late. It's like 3 weeks for me to get ready for everything and I don't feel like that's enough time. I really wished there would be more time for me to do it because I REALLY WANT TO DO IT! I was really sad and disappointed at first because I feel like I've missed my chance, but then I thought about it and asked myself "Why do I want to do this? Why do I want to do it so bad?" And my answer was that "I want to win, I want to use this as a stepping stone for what I want to do in the future" I realised that there was no "God" reasons in it but 'me me me', 'fame, fame fame'. And then I thought, you know what, if God wants me to do something, he wouldn't just take it away from me like that, surely there has to another opportunities. I seriously thought I've missed my chance but I don't think that anymore. I honestly just want God's glory to be shown in everything I do. Everything I do, I want to make sure that God shines the brightest. I don't know how winning Hair expo will make God shine the brightest but if that's what he wants, I will do it.
Before I do something, I will now make sure I feel a peace about it from God before doing it. Because I can do a lot of things, but which of them are really worthy of doing. Which of them will have an eternal impact. Which is really worth it?? I want to make sure in everything I do, God is first and that is it. Jesus is amazing, and no matter what happen in my life now, no matter what's been taken away from me, Jesus will still be first and I will still worship him. I love him too much and to think about how much He loves me and the price he paid for my life's value, that's indescribable.
I love you God
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Fitness progress
So I've been really consistent with BR. More than any time before. But just got a little disappointed today when my cousin asked if I had gained weight because my face looked more chubby & round. I was a little offended because I had LOST weight. But then, I think I haven't seen her in so long so it's not wrong for her to say that. I must have gained weight since I saw her last and now I'm just loosing it back slowly, not as much as what I used to be yet. I'm just disappointed that it's taking so long. But I'm not giving up. I will not give up and I will be persistent. I hate how our family just eat and eat and eat all these fried food, meat and stuff. I don't eat meat anymore. I eat seafood but that's about it. I wouldn't call myself a vegetarian but I wouldn't mind if I became one. I would like to get that book again "Fit for Life". I think that would once again change my perspective on everything. I would be awesome.
So this is really the first post I've written for 2012. There's way too much to write honestly. What is there to write. Where shall I start - that's the question. Well this year I have a lot of goals for my life, but I've retuned them to be accordance with God's will. I've taken off a few things; namely, getting a lip piercing.. and something else I forgot.
But this year, I really want to get my fitness back. I also want to finish the hell of my interior designing but I'm not bothered and I seriously lost all the interest and momentum.
Talking about momentum, I can not believe how far I went with BR and then I just gave up and stopped and now I'm at the bottom of the mountain again. I remember how I could not even do ONE PROPER sit up and I had to always do it on my knees. Then slowly I could do it, and I could do like 10 or 15 push up on my toes. Now? I can't barely do one and I have to start from scratch again.
I hate how much physical appearance play its role in this society. I wish how it didn't have to have such an impact especially targeting girls.
You know what I hate? The fact that I let myself go tonight and just ate. I didn't a boundary for myself. Like Leighton said - This time around I should focus on setting myself boundaries. It doesn't just apply to boys, but also food as well.
Last night, I was watching the 700 Club on YouTube and it was amazing. From all the videos that I've watched, 2 stood out the most. One was "Random act of kindness" which encourages you to do random things for strangers everyday to bless them. And another one was some guy in the football team in the states. He talked about 'pride' and how it can not have a place in your life. How you need to keep the spirit of humility and pray CONSTANTLY for God to keep you firm & grounded. Those two things really stood out and spoke to me. So I just hope God will show me opportunities where I can be a helping hand. And also in terms of pride I've checked myself twice before I speak anything to anyway and make sure I don't brag about myself. I 'express' myself not 'impress' upon others. I don't want to be the center of attention. Although I do want to be the light but in my job, it's not about ME! It's about them! About the clients.
So yeah, I'm kind of sick of working. Don't know where this will take me and don't know if this is really apart of God's plan. I want to do hair Expo but I really want provision over it. I know I'm not as good as other people but if I have God, I will be better than everyone else before I have leverage and the creator of the universe is lending me his ways and his best ideas. Jesus please help me with Hair expo. I really want to do it!
I'm sick of working before it's so repetitive and I just want to build my portfolio and do session work fulltime. How do I do that???? How do I do that???
I'm feeling so sleepy. So tired and there are too many things to do tomorrow....
Well Gota go, TC
xx
So this is really the first post I've written for 2012. There's way too much to write honestly. What is there to write. Where shall I start - that's the question. Well this year I have a lot of goals for my life, but I've retuned them to be accordance with God's will. I've taken off a few things; namely, getting a lip piercing.. and something else I forgot.
But this year, I really want to get my fitness back. I also want to finish the hell of my interior designing but I'm not bothered and I seriously lost all the interest and momentum.
Talking about momentum, I can not believe how far I went with BR and then I just gave up and stopped and now I'm at the bottom of the mountain again. I remember how I could not even do ONE PROPER sit up and I had to always do it on my knees. Then slowly I could do it, and I could do like 10 or 15 push up on my toes. Now? I can't barely do one and I have to start from scratch again.
I hate how much physical appearance play its role in this society. I wish how it didn't have to have such an impact especially targeting girls.
You know what I hate? The fact that I let myself go tonight and just ate. I didn't a boundary for myself. Like Leighton said - This time around I should focus on setting myself boundaries. It doesn't just apply to boys, but also food as well.
Last night, I was watching the 700 Club on YouTube and it was amazing. From all the videos that I've watched, 2 stood out the most. One was "Random act of kindness" which encourages you to do random things for strangers everyday to bless them. And another one was some guy in the football team in the states. He talked about 'pride' and how it can not have a place in your life. How you need to keep the spirit of humility and pray CONSTANTLY for God to keep you firm & grounded. Those two things really stood out and spoke to me. So I just hope God will show me opportunities where I can be a helping hand. And also in terms of pride I've checked myself twice before I speak anything to anyway and make sure I don't brag about myself. I 'express' myself not 'impress' upon others. I don't want to be the center of attention. Although I do want to be the light but in my job, it's not about ME! It's about them! About the clients.
So yeah, I'm kind of sick of working. Don't know where this will take me and don't know if this is really apart of God's plan. I want to do hair Expo but I really want provision over it. I know I'm not as good as other people but if I have God, I will be better than everyone else before I have leverage and the creator of the universe is lending me his ways and his best ideas. Jesus please help me with Hair expo. I really want to do it!
I'm sick of working before it's so repetitive and I just want to build my portfolio and do session work fulltime. How do I do that???? How do I do that???
I'm feeling so sleepy. So tired and there are too many things to do tomorrow....
Well Gota go, TC
xx
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