Dear God,
I just finished emailing George the Agent. I wrote an essay seriously. But you know what God, I'm glad that all these things are happening because you are strengthening my character from this. I'm not thankful for these situations but I am thankful in these times because I know you are with me. I cling to you God and I'm never letting you go. And I know the moment that I let you go is the moment I fail because that's when I start to operate in my own ability. But I'm living in a war here on earth and the devil is much greater than I am, however, when I am in you I overcome everything, and your strength is my strength. And there is no such things as failures, there is only success. And I know I am success because of you.
Jesus I put all my faith and trust in you and believe for a break through. I believe that because you see my faithfulness you will allow miracles and supernatural interventions to take place. I don't know how it will happen but I know in the name of Jesus it will happen. You are a faithful God Jesus. You are a faithful God, my one and only. I lay before you my troubles and fears and believe that you have a great plan for my life. I believe also that this blog will serve your purpose somehow in the future. I don't know how people will react to such personal things written on this but I'm doing this out of faith, and because you told me to keep record of my journey and that is why I'm doing it.
Jesus I thank you that I have a peace in my heart even though things are like hurricane around me. Everything is chaotic and happening wrongly, I'm tired at work and so on. But IN YOU I find strength, I find hope, I find another reason to live for. I want to serve you and that's it. I just want to live for you and do what I can to glorify you.
Throughout summerfest, I feel strongly about you speaking to me in regards to my priorities. I keep feeling as though you were asking me if I was willing to put aside my career for you. Putting aside my dreams for you. And I cried and cried and cried because these dreams mean so much to me. But then, I knew that living for you is much greater and bringing you glory is also much greater, so I've decided that I will no longer place work before you. I will not place career before you anymore Jesus. I've decided that on the weekends, I will work my schedules around church not the other way around. I know people have different opinions of me when they ask me where I'm going after. I'm not afraid of saying I'm going to church anymore because I don't want to make excuses or hide it of 'fluff' it up with candy words. The only exception is work because it's a really sensitive place there and I can't afford to speak up in those kind of situation. There's been a few people that I spoke to about my faith and none of them comes back, except Luke Ma because he is my regular.
Even though mum was loosing such a big amount of money, I believe that you will give her back everything and even more because you are a faithful God. No matter how long it takes, how long it makes me wait, I know for a fact that SHE is in the book of life and you will save her :) I'm so happy to know that God. I know that I am the first generation christian and I'm proud to be one. I'm so happy that Chi will come back to you slowly as well. I'm proud of her for her independence right now; paying for her school fees with her own money and stuff. That's really nice of her. I thank you that we've been getting on with each other really well. I know that it's mostly because "I" chose to change my attitude towards her, and you know what, it's so true when you say "Just Love..." because when you just love them, you change everything!! You change everything you do, you change the way you think of them, and in turn you change the way they think of you. Jesus I'm not too worried about her studies, she is a bright girl and you have gifted her with some special talent. She will have an amazing future. The only thing I ask is that you would reveal your plan to her. She is lost at the moment and she does not know what she wants to do in the future. I hope that you would speak to her somehow and reach into her heart and plant a seed that will help her decide what and who she wants to live for. :) Thank you Jesus.
For this other tribunal problem with the tenant. I also feel a lot of peace about it. As I was writing the letter, I feel like you have your hands on this. I'm clinging onto you still and I will live by your rules not the rules of this world. I know that you will intervene and whatever happens, I know you will do it for your kingdom, and your glory will be shown. I love you and thank you so much for helping my mum not to stress out. And even if she is still listening to chanting and stuff, I know one day she will know you. I don't know how but I know she will and I thank you.
Also, God, I was looking at Hair Expo today and to my surprise, I realised that the entry is actually closing on 22nd of Feb and I kept on thinking that it was closing in June. I really want to enter to see how far I could go. But I felt like it's a little late. It's like 3 weeks for me to get ready for everything and I don't feel like that's enough time. I really wished there would be more time for me to do it because I REALLY WANT TO DO IT! I was really sad and disappointed at first because I feel like I've missed my chance, but then I thought about it and asked myself "Why do I want to do this? Why do I want to do it so bad?" And my answer was that "I want to win, I want to use this as a stepping stone for what I want to do in the future" I realised that there was no "God" reasons in it but 'me me me', 'fame, fame fame'. And then I thought, you know what, if God wants me to do something, he wouldn't just take it away from me like that, surely there has to another opportunities. I seriously thought I've missed my chance but I don't think that anymore. I honestly just want God's glory to be shown in everything I do. Everything I do, I want to make sure that God shines the brightest. I don't know how winning Hair expo will make God shine the brightest but if that's what he wants, I will do it.
Before I do something, I will now make sure I feel a peace about it from God before doing it. Because I can do a lot of things, but which of them are really worthy of doing. Which of them will have an eternal impact. Which is really worth it?? I want to make sure in everything I do, God is first and that is it. Jesus is amazing, and no matter what happen in my life now, no matter what's been taken away from me, Jesus will still be first and I will still worship him. I love him too much and to think about how much He loves me and the price he paid for my life's value, that's indescribable.
I love you God
