1:26 AM (19 hours ago)  | |||
A lot of people just think that I am up myself. Some people think I'm not good enough. Some people just think negative about me. But why do I worry so much? Is it because they're in the house of God and their opinion matters? I don't know and don't even know why what people about me affect me so much. Why am I like this? Is it me? How come I do things without even realising it's causing someone's pain and frustration? I get sad because the perception of myself and how I act is not really how people perceive me. I'm disappointed, I don't know why. I don't know things will work out between Holly & I. But by the grace of God, we had fun tonight and God pulled us altogether. Am I that controlling? Do I make people feel inferior?? I mean I never ever intend for people to feel that way, even with my clients. I don't understand why just because I speak up what I know is then turned to making people feel like they're dumb. I'm so sad and I'm disappointed. I don't know how Holly & I will work out but if God's willing then it will. I really wonder what Leighton saw in us. We're just too different no matter how much we love each other.
You know what! Why do I have to even care about what people think of me. I make sacrifices & most of the time only god knows. Only God knows what I have back to him. I don't keep count of what I did right for God but I wished I ha a track just to see how my life turns out after each eventful times in my life. How do I become a leader without making people inferior? How do I lead without taking control. Where am I sitting? What is the line between taking control & taking initiative? God I know what it is you're trying to do but I know it should be good, although I'm feeling a lot despair & sadness..... I just wish things can go smoothly. But this isn't an ideal lifestyle. I shouldn't be teaching for the appearance of being kept in altogether.
Why am I like this ? :((
