9:42am
I love you so much god!! I'm so grateful for everything that's in my life!!! Thank you for reminding to count the blessings instead of the failures. I finally realize how much things I don't think of or even take for granted!! I'm so grateful for my mum and sisters, for the amazing opportunity to come to church, to be a part of god's kingdom and making a difference in this world. I'm glad to be called a child of God and in you I know that I am complete. I thank you for the awesome people from my connect group and the support they are able to provide for me in the name of God. I'm grateful for another new day knowing that there is still so much to learn and will benefit me greatly. I thank you for this vardering course and the blessings you are going to pour over me after completion. I thank you for showing me that there is "someone" out there who possesses the characteristics that I'd like I'm a guy. I'm so blessed and it is all because of you Jesus!!! Today will be a great day. Daniel will be happy. I will be positive. I will get my portfolio done soon. I will pass ALL of the haircuts :) oh I can't wait. I want to prove to them that I am capable!!! I know I am and God knows that I am otherwise he wouldn't have placed me in this blessing. I thank you Lord God. I love you!!!
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5:41pm
For some reasons I feel a little down right now. Firstly it's how I look and secondly it's how people perceive me. O mean the second is not that important because I know for a fact that I will achieve what I want through the power of God. I don't have to put my trust in anyone except for the one who made me and know exactly what my future looks like. I'm also glad that "that" feeling is going away slowly. I just don't think it's appropriate to feel what I felt before. Seriously I think I let my thoughts control my feelings too much. I shouldn't do that. Right now I'm just sad and depressed because I really hate how I look right now. I just want to get home asap so no one can look at me. That's how paranoid I am right now. I can't help but feel really disappointed of myself for letting me go like this. I've tried to set out goals but has NEVER been able to fully pursue that till the end. And when i don't see the results I just give up and start eating the wrong food again. Applied knowledge is power not just merely knowledge itself. I'm just unhappy with myself for not applying what I know but ignore it. What's the point of obtaining more knowledge when I don't even do it. God I hate that about me. I could never stay on track. I just want to be different now. I need to. I hate my face soooooooo much. It's getting so round and fat. I feel like my face has swelled. I feel sluggish. I need to find motivation to start once again. I need to. I have to. I have to look different. I want to feel different. I think I need to come home and really elaborate on the goals I have. I'm so lazy though. I ate too much bread today I think because my stomach doesn't feel too well and it feels bloated. I hate how I look. I hate it. I absolutely hateeeeee it :(
