Previous notes: September 10th @ 6:55pm

Tell me why this is happening. Tell me why I've failed once again. Tell me why you didn't do anything when I had so much faith. I believed that it would be a great rest of the day yet 2 of my models didn't turn up and in top of that I've done 12 transient cuts! Are you forsaking me? Are you punishing me?we What did I do for you to not have your mercy upon me lord? I was aiming to pass at least 2 hair cuts but I passed none. Did you hear my cries? Did you hear me begging you? I know everything is done according to your will and not mine and I shoulnt have to understand everything but I still feel like the devil is attacking me or that you're punishing me. I don't know how I would go on. Am u overly confident? Am I not taking things slow? Am I not getting enough feedbacks? they're all wrong but I mean that's how they perceive me? As someone who thinks she knows everything? Well I don't and how can I not make them think that? He said I shoul relax? Take smaller sections. Okay I've been doing that. James told me. And I've been relaxing. The other girls both passed today but me. It's been 4 weeks. I just want to die and get away from everything. I don't know how much faith I will have anymore. Tomorrow is the interview and at this rate things are looking pretty bad. I just want to block everyone out and be by myself. Worrying is not going change the outcome and being happy is not going to change it either. It's the skill not a mental problem. Could it be that my family is affecting me? Have Angie even read the email? I'm so depressed and sad and is in great despair. My god my god why have you forsake me??