Last night was John Legend's performance at State Theatre and I have to say it was amazing. The location was absolutely stunning and it felt as if I was taken to another place. It had that New York vibe to it which was really cool. It felt so grand.
It made me think a lot about how I'd like to spend my time as well. I prefer to spend money on experience rather than possessions. I want to buy what gives me a good memory not something that will give me temporary satisfactions and then rot to the ground.
I thank you for the experience Jesus. I can not have this if it wasn't for you. Thank you for your reward for what ever reason it is.
Jesus, I've been thinking.... like the way I look. I've been watching this TV Show on foxtel and it's called "I used to be fat". It follows the journey of kids and their summer trying to loose weight before the begin college. Every time I watch it inspires me to push myself to get into better shape. I think about how many times I've attempted to follow through with the plan I've set for myself and it never came out the way I want it. I always tend to be disrupted half way or something. And like this previous time I've tried, I got sick in the middle of it and I also fasted as well. And after the fast, I just started pigging out so much! Okay, this morning, I wanted to get started, and restart my way of eating. I had a few bananas, and guess what I had??? I had the left over of the packet chips ! I know I shouldn't be eating it but I already did. Sometimes I feel like 'whats' the point?'.
I wonder why self image is such a big issue for me?? I wonder why it's been bugging me for a really long time. I feel like if I don't get toned up and loose all the excess fat, I will never be totally satisfied with myself. I know that's not the way God wants me to feel. I mean at the end of the day, my body will not matter at all. All that matters is my heart and what I've done for others. I can spend time, work hard and achieve the body that I want but what's the point if I haven't done anything for God with my time. That's just selfish ambitions. I want to put God first. Jesus, you said that if I place you first then the rest shall be added. I want to put you first in everything but I need you to show me how. Does that mean my health will also be added? I believe so but it's so hard. I don't want to anchor my hope in something that doesn't last. I don't want to anchor my confidence to body image because appearance don't last. I don't want to anchor my security to money because money is nothing but a piece of paper; a physical, tangible thing that will not last if you just spend it on possessions & gaining things.
Jesus, I want to put you first in everything I do. I want to put my hope in you for the future man that I will have. Jesus you know everything. Everything that I'm thinking. Every thoughts in my head. You know my heart. You know there is this person that I admire (I feel like I'm very much attracted to character & personality). You know how I feel about this person for a very long time now. But I don't want to think that something will happen because it contradicts the things you spoke to me about. Not that I'm doubting the plan you have for me but I sometime think will there be other relationships before I reach the one you want me to spend eternity with. You said I will travel and meet someone... So that just means that every person here is out of the picture..... ....... I'm thinking about that person that I admire, and the more I know about him, the more I feel like I'm not good enough. (And I KNOW that's not how I should feel according to you) I'm just saying that his family is different, like it seems like they have it all together, and he is mature in age ect....
Anyways I don't want to think about it anymore. It's not going to happen. My instinct is always true. I felt that way with one guy that I was talking to, O- - - , and also D - - - - - , and also M - - - I knew it would not work out so I didn't even try....
I don't want to get back to work, I'm so not bothered. I wonder if I should get out of the house today. Maybe I should. I know I need to put some stuff on Ebay to sell. Hopefully it will sell. Hopefully. I pray that your blessing will be on what I'm doing Jesus. I just want to save extra money for the trip because I don't have much yet. I don't have much and I want to have money to buy my family presents and stuff. Oh how I wish I can stay there for like 3 months or something. I'm so excited. It's so soon. I thank you for this opportunity and I pray that you will take me to Paris because I REALLY WANT TO GO JESUS!! I REALLY WANT TO GO. I know I will have an amazing time. I'm also expecting to meet someone .... ;) maybe hahah.... No, actually I don't want to expect too much because what if that guy is saved for the next trip not this coming one. I really don't know but I trust your ways Lord.
