Dear Lord. I know you love and I know you care for me. I also know that maybe for the past 2 months or so I have been through some horrible times. I now know for a fact that you were there all along. I just sometime didn't admit it. Lord, tonight was an amazing night, and thank you for touching me so I can cry out to you. I really needed to let everything out of my chest. I just wanted to cry and cry and cry.
Jesus, all I want...is to live for you now. I say that before but I didn't live like that. I admit that I was still finding my own way to success. I was doing what 'I' thought was right, but with you Jesus, anything is possible and what makes you the happiest is knowing that we love you and that we spend time with you. I lacked that and I really suffer from loosing energy and getting burnt out. I need you so much Jesus. Forever and ever I need you. I thank you that you continue to love me even though I am not worth loving and that I've sinned so so so much. I don't know how you can love us like this. Humanity is really a bunch of sinful people, ignorant and selfish. We live in our earthly body and is tempted daily. We're in a fight with this flesh and our spirit. But you love us enough to always welcome us back and I know you forever are listening out to our cries and if we need you, you'd be there! You'll be there without fail. Thank you for touching me last night. Thank you for giving me the peace that I needed to bad. Thank you for giving me a lift to the Album recording, and thank you for allowing the hair extension to be the perfect match for the model's hair. I know it's a rush today and tonight Walter said he didn't like the photos. But you know what? For once I was still happy. Because I did not allow that to dictate my happiness. I didn't mind if he didn't like it because I know what I did was my best and I know God's anointing was on that, so whatever happens I know God has a plan for these photos to work. I'm glad that my peace is no longer placed in materialistic things. I'm not going to allow people to take control over my joy. I should not let their opinions of me, their thinking, my situation change the way I feel and take my peace away. No one can take my peace away because my peace is in God, and God is eternal.
After tonight, all I want to be more like Jesus. I want to lead by example. I want to love people unconditionally. I want to love my sister the way Christ loves. I want to show me the closest thing to how God love should be like. I want to encourage her and continue to pray for her during these times. I know she'll get pass it. I know it. I know that work will not take control over me. I know that now, my top priority is God and reading his words, spending time with him. I don't want to have to stress myself out too much any more. And if I can't do something, I will say no. I will not risk saying yes just to make them happy if I myself are not happy. I will have to learn to say no and please everyone. I shouldn't have to please everyone.
Jesus, Change me, Please! Please change me!
