Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me even though I haven't been completely obedient to you. I'm not proud of what I've done but I'm thankful for your love and constant revelation in my life.
It has been tough during the first half of this year. But I can't believe how fast time has gone by. It has gone by like crazy!!!! I mean it's almost July now and I don't feel like I have accomplished anything much. Well kind of!
But anyways, I wanted to come on to write about a few particular things.
I was thinking about my progress since the beginning of the year. I have to say I did improve a lot. I dont' know how but I know I did. And I know I watch people and watch videos and always try to do my best. I don't regret going through all the bad experiences with my clients but I definitely DON'T EVER want to come across that again. I still could NOT believe how many re-dos I had, and it's disappointing to see my client now going to someone else. I'm happy for them and I think that's the best idea, but still, my skill wasn't up to scratch. But I know I'm better now and I can do even better. I'm happy and glad that I have improved and to see that a client actually called in to say how pleased she was with my work, I'm really happy. I mean it was a simple haircut but she was happy. Also my other friend Mira, she texted me and said everybody loved her hair cut as well. It's always make me feel good hearing that. I know I can be better. I know people see my improvement because they've seen be at my worst, now the only way is up and I will keep improving and improving. And through witnessing my progress, they will know who my God is and that I could not possibly do this all on my own. It's painful, it hurts to go through such tough process, but God is using me for something amazing, and a good ending must come out of this. I can not possibly go through these experiences for nothing. I don't know HOW I'm improving, all I know is that I am which is great! And I also know that God is behind all this and I love him.
I'm happy that the goals that I set were becoming a reality. I remember setting a goal for me to hit my target and be on the Greyhound by May or June, and I was on there during Feb. I did hit it like once or twice I think even though Khee was away.
I can't believe that people really no NOTICE my actions and attitude. Lately I've been tired and felt very unmotivated and they see that. They asked me why I look so sad these days and how I was so motivated before. I guess it was just a build up of stress and tension and also with fights and my boss bla bla bla. Everyone is complaining about him and I found myself gossiping and complaining more and more. I don't like that because that's not how I want to be represented as a follower of God. That's just not me. I dont' want to be like that.
I'm going in around 3 weeks time and today I managed to call up Finnair and extended my flight so I can have more time staying over in Paris. I'm excited. And everytime I think about going to Milan and Paris, I think about The Lizzie McGuire movie and how she goes around with the scooter and stuff. Shinny's friend, Ben in Paris also owns a scooter or a bike too so HOPEFULLY he can take me around. I'm actually leaving on Tuesday night so HOPEFULLY he is available until then and not go to work.. But whatever happens, that's fine. I'm okay with it because I know God wants the best for me and if He wants me to be some where or do something, no one's opinion and interceding will ever interrupt or ruin his plan. I knew that I wanted to go Paris and I was struggling with time since Ben was only free on the day that I arrive and the day that I leave, but I knew God would make it happen if it's suppose to happen. And even if Ben wasn't available on the Monday and Tuesday, I'll just go hire some place and stay there. That's fine. With God everything shall be fine. I'm also looking forward to seeing the church in Paris as well :) I can't wait and hope I find my way there okay.
For some reason, I feel like the second half of this year will be amazing. I feel like it's going to be the finishing touch of my 2 decades of living. As soon as June started, I knew something was different. I knew things would change and improve for the better.
I'm disappointed that I still haven't been able to attend the Saturday service and do anything about the connect group, but in due time, it will happen. Just after the Europe trip.
SO after this trip I would have been to:
- Thailand
- Canada
- America
- China
- Japan
- Malaysia
- Italy
- France
wow and I'm only 20... and all of these accept Thailand happened during the last 2 years. I'm so fortunate for the opportunities.
Well.. back to goal settings and everything. I want to be motivated like how I was before.
So how do I want other to see me?
WORK- Motivated, enjoying cutting hair and working, hard working, great communication skill, creative, methodic & very systematic in my haircuts, standing around always observing people work, a person who does not gossip, a person who does not complain.........and a person who loves God.
I want to be someone who is genuine, honest, fit and healthy, I want to glow, I want to be the light in a dark world, I want to be inspiring, I want to be people's inspiration, no I want me to inspire them to love God which is the source of my greatness....
I want to make the most of all ANY AND ALL opportunity. I think about silver coins and how overtime if you were to collect them daily, you will eventually end up with quite a good sum of money. It's all about investment. I want to be happy taking in walk-ins, I want to do fringe trims when I'm free. You never know if they will be impressed with you and come back. All I want is to expose myself to as many people as I can. I will say Hi and Bye to as many people as possible and greet them with a smile or open the door for them. I want to make the most out of all the opportunities I have because they are gold! And even though I don't get paid much, that doesn't matter. It's enough for me to live and do what I want to do. At least I don't have to pay rent. So I have to think about all the positive things instead of thinking about how less I get paid. I have to keep my mindset strong and tell myself that this is merely a pathway to success. This is not my success, this is only pathway. This is not the destination, I'm still on my journey. I'm still on my journey and God is taking me somewhere great. I want to honour my boss like how I honour God and do everything as if God was watching me. I want to do it all for God because IT IS all for him. Everything I'm doing now is for him.
At times I think about the revelation I had about the future and how mission work, hairdressing will play apart of my life. I get confused with where Interior Designing belongs. And sometimes I don't know if the decision to go to Europe is right, and how I spent so much on doing something that might not be apart of God's plan.
But how do I know it is NOT apart of God's plan. Just because he doesn't say it doesn't mean it's not going to be included. I hope I get to do something with interior designing because I quite enjoy it. I thank God also for helping finishing off the assignment. It took me so long and now I have to do the next one.
I really want to pray for peace and rest. I tend to get so stressed if I don't finish what I want. And then they all just pile up and my mind feel so clouded with STUFF. and it annoys me and I can't seem to rest. I have sleep but I don't have rest. And I wake up for work tired and not motivated.
Oh and today, first time in like 2 months I did a Bodyrock work out :) sooo good. I feel COOL :) it was cold but it was good. It wasn't that intensed because I think I was cold and my body took longer to heat up than usual. But that's not the point. The point is that I really concentrated on my form this time and I focused my mind to what I want to achieve, eg, when I was doing the leg lift and I was just imagining my spine sticking to the floor and not lifted up, or when I was doing the dead lift that I was pushing off my heel, contracting my core and legs. It was good. And ALL I THINK about, IS MILAN. All I think about is the summer there. And you know what, this time, I will not let my insecurity stop me from having fun. I will have fun when I want and where I want. I will wear sleeveless tops. I will and I won't be afraid :) I look good and I am confident :)
