So it is now the 8th of September. It's passed midnight and I really need to put my thoughts into words...
France, Paris... I think I belong there. My heart has always been drawn towards that place and I desperately want to go back. I'd love to live there. I don't know why but I really do believe it's God's desire for me to be there ultimately. I don't know for how long.
Don't know how long I will be doing hairdressing anymore. My interest in doing shoots is loosing.. Or perhaps, it is still there but my love for God is more. I prioritise God much more now. It's hard though: when there's an amazing shoot that is happening on a Sunday and I know I shouldn't do it. It's not about not working on a Holy Day, it's more symbolic of choosing to place God before other things, and the bigger the sacrifice, the more love you have for that person. I know soon, one day soon..very soon, I will have to be faced with that situation, but what will I say, what will happen? The opportunities I've always wanted is slipping out of my hands... I know it's coming..
But I choose you. I choose Jesus. And this life isn't about hairdressing. This life is about You. This life is about bringing people home to you. It's about living out my purpose. I don't even know what my purpose is...
And I don't want to have to think about guys anymore. I don't want to have to wonder about all these unnecessary thoughts anymore. I have to focus and keep looking to Jesus. I have to settle my own insecurities first. My own issues first. I have to really love myself first before I can believe that someone truly loves me.
I still wants cosmetic surgery.. There's one thing that really bothers me and I really want to get it done.
I'm doing well with my eating and exercise so far, I think it must be day 16 or something. But I'm happy for what I've done. I know progress don't come overnight and I have to be consistent.
Every time I get sad about 'man/love' issue; I just want to get away and work out.
I just want to be different. I don't want to blend in.
I want to look after my body.
Every time I get sad about the fact that, 'that' person hasn't arrived, it makes me want to work harder on myself because I want to give him the best me!
I want to get a tattoo for my birthday. I've been wanting it for at least 2 years now but have never had the guts to really do it. I wanted to do it for my birthday last year, but didn't. I really want to do it this year.
It's quite sad and scary to think that I will be gone in 3 months time. That I'm leaving them for good. I don't know if they have any idea or if they already expecting me to leave. I don't know if they would be happy for me to leave or would be sad that I'm leaving. I guess it doesn't really matter. I think he would be happy because he pays less wage.
I don't even know what job I will be doing. I just want something casual, temporarily and then I want to get out of here and explore the world. I would love to work at Watoto and then go Paris.
I'm sad because I will truly miss my clients. I really miss them. I will truly really miss them. But I guess they will move on. They will eventually find someone who does just a good job or even better.
I've lost quite a few clients... due to the fact that they decide to have someone else. I'm happy for that person, but it just pushes me to be better at my craft. But then again, truly I've only been doing this for 3 years. And I think for the amount of time I've been doing hairdressing, God has worked through me so much, I don't know how to thank him enough. Thank you Jesus.
I just want my body to look different.
And what about tomorrow, the afterparty....
Thinking about it makes me really restless because I haven't had the chance to speak to my team members one to one. And the attendance haven't been great. Barely anyone RSVP...
I don't know what to do but just hope for the best. Just pray that Jesus will work through us, and help make His presence known.
Just feel like giving up....
What will be the fruits of this....
jesus. I can't do this on my own. I can't.
I need your help, I need you to pull everything together. have people to be there. show people we do care and you care and you love us.
