Sad & Tired..... What else can I say?

Today has got to be most tiring day in a really long time. I felt like it went by so slow.... like extremely slow. It was so quite at work and I was extremely bored. I just wanted to go home and take a sick leave. Then I thought about last night's talk on "Complacency", then I felt like I must hang on. I had 2 last clients and it was terrible waiting and waiting and waiting, having nothing to do was so frustrating. But I'm glad that when my clients did come, I got out of that mindset and was happy once again. I think I'm like that with most things, it takes a lot for me to get up and do something, but once I start, I will love it. Like waking up in the morning for example; I really want to wake up in the morning but I get really tired and lazy. However as long as I'm UP and is BRUSHING my teeth, I'M AWAKE! But that process of deciding whether or not to wake up is the hardest. Should I sleep or should I get up. And it only takes that LITTLE effort to start the momentum. Also, with exercising, sometimes I really want to do it, but I'm just not bothered because I don't feel motivated enough, but once I've decided on what I would be doing and when and where and do it RIGHT AWAY, I carry along with it...

Well I was extremely restless when I got home, I could not even smile. I know God loves me and cares for me but I feel like the wait is so long. My connect group prayed for me so that God will keep me in His will and send me a model soon, but it's tonight already, the day before I'm suppose to finalise everything and I haven't even got one. I need to meet up with everyone to discuss the theme but it sucks not knowing what model I'm going to get. It's hard because I don't even know what hair I can do because I'm unsure of what length she might have. I don't even know if I can even do "Passionista" because will anyone wants to have their hair coloured red? (Must I add that they have to have the right look!)

Am I being to picky? No I think I'm selective and the photographer is helping me choose. I'm not loosing faith but I'm just really saddddddd!!!!! and worried!!! even though I know I SHOULDN'T! It sucks so bad!!!!!!!

I have faith because I know what happened last year. How I was so desperate for everything to come together and how I NEEDED a model so bad and eventually, you gave me the perfect model. The model that helped me get my scholarship and hence I'm working at Toni&Guy.

Lord, I don't know when she will come but GOD PLEASE LET HER COME SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP JESUS!!!!!!!

YOU ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I WILL SHOOT,

WHO I WILL SHOOT WITH

WHICH ONE IS THE MODEL

WHAT THE THEME IS

WHAT MY IDEAS ARE

HOW THE HAIR WILL LOOK LIKE

HOW THE MEETING TOMORROW WILL BE


YOU  know it all Jesus but please, please I BEG YOU, I BEG you, grant me a model soon. The RIGHT one, The CHOSEN one. And what ever it is you want me to do. LET me know! Let me know so I can please you Jesus. I want to run a race to win. I want to win simply because with your help I CAN! Even if I didn't receive any rewards, but just knowing that I did it with you, and you were on the same journey as me, makes me extremely happy. And winning FOR you, that's even more amazing.

God I know you are in control, however long it takes, you are in control.

You know everything inside out and outside in. You know the beginning and the end and you don't live in time but outside of time. You see everything simultaneously. You are great and I trust in you. I wonder if I have to fast when you are already planning to give me what I need.

As much faith as I have right now, I'm still sad, perhaps not happy. I love you God....

Please help me to plan everything for tomorrow, all the ideas ect... I hope we can talk about many things and really help each other

But most of all Jesus, TEACH me through this journey....


I love you

:(:(

I hope I don't waste time today...

Today is my day off and I hope I will be able to make the most out of it. Like Brian said 'Life is short and Life is long' and I want to cherish every single second that I have as hard as it is to do.

Jesus I thank you for the model that you will be providing me, I know how faithful you are in providing for your loved ones. I know you have specificly chosen me to do this hair competition and right now I have everything except for a model. It's such a journey looking for them and I'm still waiting for 4 to reply to me. I don't think they check their MM account that's why they haven't replied. I really need a model Jesus and you know that. That's literally like the most important thing because I have to showcase my hair on their! No, Jesus I'm not loosing hope. I still have hope and faith. I still believe that you will deliver because you are an awesome God who has an amazing plan for our life. You are the king of impossibilities, of miracles of supernatural power, of love, of grace, of mercy, of blessings, of happiness and of completeness. I have something that no one else has ( well some), and that is the fact that I have YOU!!

I need to do my assignment so hopefully you can bless me with that.

I feel like I'm slowly learning to love myself more. Yesterday I was over Sveta's place and we talked about my concern ect, and at the near end we both decided for me to take my make up off. So I did and she said I looked better than when I have make up on because it's natural. I don't know if it's her being nice or if I really do look better. I don't know, but one thing I knew is that I FELT comfortable and that's all that mattered. I felt like I don't have to hide but be MYSELF!

the old me....

Lord,

Just thinking about how I used to be.... and I don't know.... I'm just questioning myself

How did I even fell into those things? How did I start to become all that. Like come on, like dancing on the podium, going out late nights, clubbing every week. AND YET I was still going to church doing my christian thing. I did not think it was wrong because I didn't go for the wrong motive, I guess I just really loved dancing and since I couldn't take dancing lessons, might as well go and dance for free because we get free entries.

I don't know. I was just so different before. However, I'm actually quite glad that I went through all that because I learn the most through mistakes :)

Jesus I love you and I have learnt to really depend on you, not only that but to DWELL in your presence. So like today, I'm lazy and tired and felt unsure ..... I don't know why I felt unsure, I didn't totally feel sad nor happy, just reallly emotionless and blank. Then I had to study Interior Design and got sleepy. I didn't want to do it anymore and just want to rest & sleep. I felt a little frustrated and then I remember to listen to the quite voice within me telling me I should just pause and dwell into God's words. I just really want him to bless me with the right model.. I really need him to.

I thank Him for giving me a good future and plan that prospers me. I thank Him for the photographer, model, make up artist and all the creativity he will be giving me to make this photo shoot amazing.

Jesus thank you..

please continue to pour joy into my heart and let it shine for everyone to see.xx