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November 19th 2010
Everything seems so hard. Why have I given up all that? Where are you Lord? I need you. I need you to show me the right way. Can you please show me how to do these things that you want me to do? Why does physical appearance have to be such an issue to me? Why doesn't work???!!! Why do I have to keep juggling with this weight problem. When can I have that body that I want. That utmost health level? Why wasn't I feelling as good when I was doing that raw diet? Why did everyone experience all these positive things but I rarely did? Is this the way you want us to live? Why does my family have to be so conventional? Why can't I find something that I enjoy doing so at least I can turn to it when I'm down. I've been so down lately. Do you know God? I'm on the way to work and I don't want to work. I just want to get away from this place!!!!!!! Lord why are there so much things and responsibilities on my shoulder. I need you so much but I don't seem to hear you. Is it because I'm not seeking your words? Why am I like this? How come I'm not energetic like last year. Always ready to wake up and go gym. Reaching to your word constantly. Do I have to do another NO- food fast? Water fast? I want to reach into your words but I want to be able to read things that are relevant. Lord why does my soul seem so weak. Why does ppl seem so happy while I'm just here having this deep sorrow in my heart? Can things get any better????? Every morning when I wake up, I no longer feel joy. I feel like I'm going through a beautiful day but in the tunnel of hell. I don't know who to turn to. I don't know who would understand and be able to comfort me, mentor me without being so blunt and demanding. Lord I've been wanting someone to come into my heart. Jesus you said that we can ask anything in Jesus' name and it shall be given. Can you please send me a mentor to guide me? I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. I'm just here living but slowing dying. I see my life as nothing but a shifting shadow. Why does it have to be this hard? I don't want to work. I don't want to do anything. I want to go away and cry my heart out!!!!!!!!!! Godddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
