At this moment. I feel numb. There are so many things that I need to process in my mind. Go spoke so much to me to a point where I don't even know where to begin. I don't care about any other thing right now. Gmail & Facebook as well as MM, I won't even bother with right now.
I'm just so tired, so restless. My heart hurts so much, this time it's not only because of my spiritual conviction but I also feel as if it's the devil attacking me.
Today has got to be the hardest day EVER for me in terms of fasting and it's only the 3rd day. I just want to do so much right now. I want to write down my full revelation. I want to start researching about mission work in Japan. I want to review everything that I've written down today. But my heart is in so much pain right now. I feel so absolutely restless. Especially when I'm listening to my parent's argument right now.
I know all shall be done according to His purpose.
Oh God my heart hurts so much as I'm listening to my dad's ignorant speech. I'm in so much pain right now. My parents...
I know that you told me to not worry and I won't God. I'm just hurt!
It was so hard for me today to not give into temptation of food. I was surrounded by 25 000 + people, WITH food, around cafes, restaurants, eating non-stop, EVERYWHERE. It felt like I must eat, but then I remember I'm fasting for a spiritual purpose. Jesus, please help me! Please help me. I feel so vulnerable right now. I feel so weak. I feel so hurt. I feel restless and low. BUT in the midst of all this, I know you've got an amazing future for me and these things will only add to my testimony that will be used to change millions of lives.
Please give me the boldness and confidence as well as the right opportunity to reach out to the lost souls. Not only that, but also give me the courage to follow up with them, equip and connect in a way that they will find me a trustworthy person to come to whenever they feel the need to share problems.
I feel strongly about you wanting me to go overseas and do mission work. But I also feel strongly about you wanting me to build a strong foundation, to set me seed in good soil and be nourished constantly to ultimately be a healthy, powerful yet beautiful plant.
Jesus I'm so tired right now. Please renew my strength. I need it. I want food so bad right now. It is so hard! I tried so much to keep feeding myself with your words by reaching out to my bible as soon as I feel that great hunger. And I know it feeds me well, but for some reasons I still feel the need for food. God teach me, teach me not to be superficial, to continue through to the end even though it seems impossible. But you are the god of impossibility and in you I will find supernatural power to do things I am never capable of doing.
In you I trust God.
