I mean, when I was in the car listening to music, I have lost most of my interest for music that advocates sexual lyrics, negative meanings and combine that with a catchy melody or tune. Not that you really notice the lyrics or the meaning of a song when you first listen to it, but now that I'm so sensitive to it, I only ever desire to listen to music that has lyrics which builds me up. I don't mind any type of music, as long as it has a positive connotation and that it doesn't send out a bad message. Lately, I've been listening to a lot Hillsong music. I find that so peaceful and nice. I love the state I'm in when I listen to the lyrics of such song. It makes me smile and I feel so happy. Not the normal happiness that comes and go, but that joy which surpasses all humanly experience and was only able to be felt by the power of God.
Jesus is so amazing, I'm so glad to have Him in my life.
I'm so not into clubbing nowadays. I can't believe I used to dance so promiscuously. I enjoyed the attention without admitting it. I liked it when I'm with my friend, namely Quyen and guys were looking, trying to pick us up. Honestly, as ridiculous as it sounds, I actually liked the attention. BUT NOW, when I think back to all those times, "the old me", I find it hard to comprehend that I was really like that, because of how I am now. I'm so different now. I'm not in that zone anymore. I desire to spend my time so much more wisely. I don't like the party scenes anymore. I'm not willing to give up my time to go to clubs to dance, drink, chill ect. I rather spend quality times with family and friends by going to dinner or doing something relaxing and quite. I love Connect Groups. I rather spend my time in prayers and worship. I rather do volunteer work, study the Words of God, read books, go out by myself and so on.
Talking about "going out by myself", I actually really love spending on my own. I know some people think that I'm anti-social or whatever, or that they can't imagine doing anything on their own because they like the company of others. But to be honest, I LOVEEEE being by myself. I love it so much. It gives me so much time just to relax in the presence and love of God. Those times that I'm on my own allows me so much opportunities to observe the world, be appreciative for all which is around me. Oh I love it so much. And that's why I love taking the bus, because I love multi-tasking! LOL. Whilst you're on your way to a destination, all you have to do is sit there and watch the world. It's like you have a 4D cinema right in front of your eyes. You have all these beautiful things to look at, be thankful for all the good restaurants out there, clean & fresh air, nice & smooth concrete roads, the multiculturalism, the fact that I'm living in a free country with the rights to express individualism and be who you want to be.
I'm so thankful to be living on this land. I'm so thankful.
Well tonight was a wonderful night. It was Sveta's 20th birthday. The dinner was great and I'm glad she was happy. I wished I would've gotten a Cheesecake for her but I didn't have enough time. It was short notice. But at least I got it so it's all good. It took me almost an hour to get there because of the traffic and the GPS that keeps loosing signal and pointing me to different direction LOL. Anyways, all is well. I got home at 11 which is not too late, and I still have time to relax and write on my blog like every day. I can't believe I have not missed a day. This is too addictive. I feel the "need" and the "want" to write and to include everything that inspires me on this blog. I believe it will be life-changing. Like God told me, He wants to use me for a great will and I know my testimony will be very important. This is one of a way to track down my day to day life, and to really watch how God transforms my life.
God is so amazing and I'm so excited for conference next week. I've been waiting for so long and it is finally here! Sunday, Monday. OMG 2 more days and it's here! I can't wait. I absolutely can't wait!!! It's going to be life-changing! Nothing will be the same. Everything will change! Miracles and healing will take place. God's presence will be more noticeable than ever before. Oh Jesus. I'm so blessed! So so so so so so blessed! I LOVE YOU!
So I'm still thinking of what I should do tomorrow. I'm not sure yet. I want to rearrange my room and start buying things, but apart of me find it kind of pointless because I don't know what's happening with my parents. I don't know if they will stay together or that they will separate. I do want them to stay together, but I'm not sure if it's the right thing or good thing for them both. I know that God does not like divorce but seeing the way my mum is right now hurts me SO much. I'm so hurt to see her suffer like this. I can tell that they're both suffering so much. Mentally, they are sick! They are so stressed out and they are pretty much separated on emotional terms. They're only holding up an image of a family externally, but who would've thought how dysfunctional our family really is. I slept with mum for the first time in like 6 years last night. I also had a talk with dad as well. I'm not happy with how things are at the moment but one thing I always have faith in is that "in all things, God works together for the good of those love Him". I love Him and I know He is only preparing me to the place where He wants me to be. That is why I'm not sure what is best for my parents. I will pray about it and trust in God's hands. I will use this coming week at conference to place this into this will. I will also start fasting tomorrow. I think it is finally the time. The reason why I've held it up to this point is because there has been too many things going on, too many events and especially when it's Sveta's birthday, I want to be there for her and celebrate it with her. Jesus, I will use the coming week to surrender my heart to you. My mind and my body, my spirit and all that I have to you because I believe that this week will be an amazing one. I have so many requests and I've set up my own agenda for what I want to be guided through. Here are the things that I want you to give me wisdom on, but most importantly bless me and let them be guided by Holy spirit and be turned into something extravagantly amazing.
- My mum and dad's current situation: their emotional feelings, the restaurant, the income/ finance, the family
- The taxi case
- My hair dressing career
- More revelation & anointing
- FOR MUM TO BECOME A CHRISTIAN!!!!!!!
So those are the things I have so far. I'm not sure if there would be more but that's it for now.
I want my mum to find the love that I found. The most amazing love anyone could ever give, or will be able to give. The love which surpasses all of her greatest experience with Dad. Jesus will cover all her pain and replace them with the most joyful feeling of peace she can ever receive. I'm believing for the best, that's all I can say.
So about the fasting tomorrow.... I mean starting from today 4th July. I really need to start because I feel like this is crucial. Especially when it is combined with prayers and worship, it will be amazing.
I'm thinking of going on a 14 days fast. Not too ambitious right? I went on a 7 days before so I think 14 days would be okay for me. I really want to come into His presence once again. Give myself all to Him unreservedly and allow Him to take all that I am and use it for His will, whatever He wishes, please do.
So tomorrow is Sunday 4th July, fasting for 14 days would mean that I will finish on Sunday 18th July.
Tomorrow.. what to do what to do....?
I definitely want to pay off my library late fees. Mum really teaches me to always do everything legitimately. She doesn't like borrowing or owing money unnecessarily. I honestly thank God for a Mum like that. I love my Dad too. He's really amazing as well and he has taught me to be organised and clean which is a trait that I love myself for (: I don't want to talk about the future though. It's sad to think about it because of the possibility that he will be by himself and he will have nothing left, no money, no family, no support. I just really wish my parents can be how they used to be. I used Dad would not only recognise his mistakes but would also be willing to fix it and not repeat it again. It hurts me to see that he is still talking to other ladies from Vietnam, still thinking so wrongly of mum, still smoke so much and swear way too often. But what can I do but to pray. I really don't know what I should pray for. I don't know if it is best if my dad and my mum stays together or that they should be single and divorced. Mum would definitely be much happier, but ultimately, their old days will be so lonely and I don't want that. Oh God. I trust all this in your name. Please show your presence within this situation. Work this for good although it doesn't look too good.
Okay so to end this....
My first day of the 14 day fasting begins...
Today!
