So this morning, I found out something that really crushed me but not as much as I thought it'd be. For some reasons, every time bad news comes I can always take it so easily. Like I said before, it's like a wall that God has built up surrounding my heart to not let it laid by other worldly circumstances. After all, the spirit within me is so much stronger than any other worldly things that are able to take place. Despite know this secret, I still find so much joy in God. It is amazing so I'm no longer crying, questioning why or depressed over my life situation. It is because I know this is only "A" part of God's glorious plan for me. This has to happen in order for greater things to come. I love Jesus. It doesn't really matter anymore. It doesn't matter if my dad has another kid. I think it's the past. The only thing I felt after finding out this is how much more respect I lost for him. He is so not worthy of mum's love. I can not even fathom how generous and loving mum is. She said she is not bitter, she doesn't blame the innocent child nor does she feels upset towards that woman. She only feels a deep sense of betrayal from my dad. And if I were her, I'd feel the same. She just wants someone to look after her and care for her. The situation with my family restaurant is so hard to figure right now and it can change any moment. The circumstance is so unstable and no one knows what's going to happen next. Every day prior to today, things have constantly taken a change, a shift in direction, and new solution has to be thought of every time that happens. I think I finally know why dad has so much pressure with money. He probably needed to take care of his other family and he feels obligated to provide for them financially. I bet that as soon as he gets the money he's going back to Vietnam for sure. All I want is for mum to be happy and healthy and ultimately find love in Jesus Christ. Not only that I will start to fast for her. I'm not sure if it is weekly, monthly or yearly on her birthday but I definitely want to dedicate a day when I devote myself whole hearted to prayer and pray for my mum. I really want God to bring another man into her life like how God did to Ruth. Even though Ruth wasn't a Jew, she was one of 4 bad girls in the genealogy of Jesus Christ, but God has chosen and favoured her and blessed her with an amazing man after the death of her husband. I want God to bless my mum the same way and then eventually bring her to Christ. I would love for this new man to be loving and caring LIKE ONE ELSE. I want my mum to feel loved!!!!!! more than ever before. He has to be responsible and kind, supportive but most of all, HE HAS TO BE SENT FROM GOD, AND IS A MAN OF GOD. I don't know how mum will come to christ but if this man is someone great, I'd love him to have a heart for God and lead her into Christ himself. Oh how amazing will that be. But I'm not going to plan too much for the future. I will place them all in the hands of God and trust that His timing will come for all the promises He has made! I'm so happy for the wonderful love and peace he had given me thus far. He had sustained me so well through this tough time and I feel so much gratitude for him. Jesus thank you! Thank you so much! Please teach me more on this Sunday. Prepare me more for what is to come. Guide me in my decisions, give me wisdoms, give me strength and open up the career path which you've ordained for me. Guide me Lord, guide me and show me the way. Don't let me lose my skills and ability of hairdressing because I haven't done it for so long. Sustain it God. Put my skill in the freezer and put a pause to it. Sustain it's ability and life. I will need to come back to it. And whenever you think I am ready. Take me out and I will start to serve, for you.
In Jesus' name!
Amen!!!!
