hardest part of my life

Life for me truly sucks right now. How worst can things get honestly. Even though I know everything happens for a reason. I hate how things are. I thought everything would be fine after I rested and take a nap but I was woken up from my sister being told off that she did not wash the dishes. I seriously don't know what to do. I honestly hate her right now. I hate how she's such a burden on our backs. As much as I love her and that she's my little sister. She is so irresponsible and causes my mum so much stress. She is going through this stage of rebellion and I hope she grows out of it soon. I truly hate everything for me right now. I hate it I just want to cry.

I've never felt so tired and down. All day long, I can't even put on a genuine smile. Why the heck do I have to fake a smile when I don't feel happy on the inside. The devil is robbing my energy. But what remains is constant and that is my God. No matter what happens I know I still have Him. 

God my heart hurts so much. I'm in so much sorrow and pain. I called out to you. I cried out to you. I screamed for you, only hoping that you would hear me. I know everything takes time, but I need a miracle, a revelation so bad. I need a shift in my life. A change. There are so many things that worries me and just as I type these words up, I can't help but cry. I'm sad, I'm so emotional right now. I don't know what else to do but give everything up just for a glimpse of you. I'm not eating no matter how tempting it might be. Everywhere I looked today, people were eating, chewing, licking their hands. I came home, food was right on the table but I just left and went straight to my room. My stomach was rumbling, my friends were eating fish & chips but I just walked away. I'm hungry but I know I need to persevere because I want you to do what you to wanted to do all this time, to show me a revelation. To convict me once again and give me a fresh start. I need it so bad.

My heart aches from the hurt and pain. Our family is already fallen apart but only holds the shape of the so-call "happiness" on the outside. My dad have secretly organised a Visa for Canada and He will probably be leaving us very soon. I don't care anymore. The worst thing is that we might loose the restaurant, move back to Belmore, which I don't even care less. I don't care about anything anymore. I know everything works together for good. So much has happened in my life already therefore, I'm just used to all these changing circumstances.

How long do I have to go through this. How long God. I'm faithful to you, I'm obeying you. I'm doing what I know I should be doing. When will you reveal yourself to me. I just want you to SHOW YOURSELF TO ME!!!!!! I'm so desperate right now! GOD ARE YOU LISTENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GODDDDDD!!

I NEEDD YOU!!!!!

Please change my lifeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M UNEMPLOYED! I NEED A JOB.

I NEED HELP WITH THE STUPID GRADUATION MODELS

WITH THE IDEAS FOR HAIR

WITH MY REBELLIOUS SISTER

WITH MY DAD, MY MUM

MY HEALTH

I have no energy left. I don't even feel like I am me. I feel like my soul is robbed. My existence is only 1/10.  My heart cries out for help, for a change. I need to see what God wants me to do. I need a revelation. I need it real bad.

I just want to give everything up....and die